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BACK ISSUES - MAY-JUNE 2000

June 30 - "Plan. Nothing is going to happen by accident." Bear Bryant

***********TRIVIA ANSWER: The only current professional head coach to have won professional championships with three different clubs is Don Matthews. Matthews, head coach of the Canadian Football League's Edmonton Eskimos, has won the Grey Cup, Canadian Football's "Big One", four times - at British Columbia in 1985, at Baltimore (remember when the CFL played in the US and the Baltimore Stallions averaged 38,000 a game?) in 1995, and at Toronto (with a guy named Flutie playing quarterback) in 1996 and 1997. With 148 regular-season wins in 13 years as a Canadian Football League head coach, he leads all other coaches in CFL history; when playoff wins are added in, his 162 career wins are second only to Frank Clair's 174, compiled over 19 seasons. Matthews was a high school coach at Beaverton, Oregon's Sunset High when I first arrived in the Portland area 25 years ago, and was brought north by Hugh Campbell as an assistant at Edmonton. His first head coaching job was at B.C. in 1983, and he is now with his fifth CFL team (he also coached Saskatchewan for three years). I can only figure there must be something about him that frightens NFL owners or GM's, because otherwise he would seem to be a slam-dunk choice for an NFL team looking for a coach with the winning touch. Guessed - after I let them know they were warm - by Adam Wesoloski, dePere, Wisconsin... Ken Brierly, Carolina, Rhode Island... Greg LaBoissonniere, Coventry, Rhode Island... Steve Staker, Fredericksburg, Iowa
***********Two rather significant Supreme Court decisions this week - one on partial-birth abortions and one dealing with homosexuals serving as Boy Scout leaders - were decided by 5-4 votes. However you may have felt about those decisions, the vote of only one justice changing his or her mind would have tipped the balance in the other direction. The makeup of the Supreme Court is crucial to our future as a nation, and that makeup is determined by the President. The President has few powers as significant as the power to appoint Supreme Court justices and, with several of the present justices getting up there in years, it is not inconceivable that the guy who gets elected this November could wind up naming three, four or even five new justices during his term. Think about who you want selecting Supreme Court Justices, the next time somebody tells you it doesn't matter who wins - they're both just a couple of bums.
***********Uh-oh. "In terms of just reporting what goes on on the sidelines, there probably isn't enough work for two," says Don Ohlmeyer produced of Monday Night Football, who has decided, nevertheless, to have two people on the sidelines anyhow. "We will have reporters focusing on different insights with a sense of immediacy from the field.They will come to each telecast with a certain number of pieces we have prepared... " Uh-oh. Sounds to me like we'd better brace ourselves for plenty of those unforgettable Olympic Moments. In hopes of making a few bucks on the side, I hereby submit the following "pieces" I have "prepared," just in case the people at ABC can use them. They tell us about the human side of those big guys out there, and are certain to appeal to the type of audience ABC seems to be after. Just fill in the blanks as needed: "Life wasn't easy for (fill in the name), growing up on the mean streets of (fill in the name)" ... "When (fill in the name) was (fill in the age), (fill in the professionals) said he'd never (fill in the verb) again" ... "(Fill in the name) never knew his father, and his (fill in the relative) died of (fill in the cause of death) when he was only (fill in the age)" ... "(Fill in the name)'s (fill in the relative) died when he was (fill in the age), but he knows (he/she)'s up in heaven watching him" ... "The initials (fill in the initials) on (fill in the name)'s (fill in the piece of equipment) stand for his (fill in the relative and name), who would have been (fill in the age) today, if it hadn't been for a (name of tragedy) which took (his/her) life" ... "(Fill in player's name) is so happy with his new contract, that he's pledged to donate (fill in dollar amount) to (fill in charity) for every (tackle/touchdown/sack/touchdown pass/interception) he (makes/scores/throws) this year" ... "It used to sting (fill in the name) when his young (son/daughter) would come home crying because other kids said (his/her) daddy was a (rapist/murderer/thief/druggie)" ... "(Player's name) is a real family man, who in the off-season loves playing with his kids in (city #1), (city #2), (city #3), (city #4), and (city #5)"
***********Last winter, a woman in Edmonton was attending a youth hockey game with her husband, and happened to be looking through the program (Or is it programme?) when something caught her eye. "Roger," she remembers telling her husband, "most of these players were born in February and March!" Now, most guys would have said, "Hmmm," or something like that, and continued watching the game. Except the woman was an Edmonton psychologist, and "Roger" was Roger Barnsley, also a psychologist. Her observation piqued his interest. Further research, conducted along with two other Alberta psychologists, Jim Battle and Gus Thompson, showed the birthdate phenomenon to be typical: with the cutoff date for eligibility for entry-level hockey set at January 1, those players who were older in their first year of hockey tended to have an advantage in size, concentration and coordination. And, shockingly, research showed that that early edge could hold up for years: 40 per cent of elite players, they found, are born in the first three months of the year, while only 10 per cent are born in the last three months. Dr. Battle, a former linebacker for the Edmonton Eskimos who now works for Edmonton city schools, extended the research to school performance, and found that in a study of 1200 kids in Edmonton schools, on average the older kids had better grades and lower dropout rates. Considering the intense involvement of hockey parents in furthering their youngsters' careers, how can they not take this research into account in planning their families? ("Uh, I know you have a headache, Dear - but it's April already, and if we're gonna have a hockey player around the house, we'd better get started, eh?")
*********** The PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals People) crowd - you know, the ones who don't want you eating meat and using leather wallets - would have loved this: in Canada - which in many ways is a whole lot more liberal and socially conscious than we are about most things - I was strolling through an arcade in a mall, amused by families gathered happily around the "Whack-a-Mole" game: every time a "mole" popped his head up out of one of the "holes," Dad would bop him with a mallet while the kiddies squealed with delight.
***********"The mercenary is a simplistic fellow. Not for him the strutting parades of West Point, the medals on the steps of the White House or perhaps a place at Arlington. He simply says, 'Pay me my wage and I'll kill the bastards for you.'" Frederick Forsyth, author of "The Dogs of War"

June 29 - "Once a guy starts wearing silk pajames, it's hard to get up early." Eddie Arcaro, all-time great jockey

***********The recent Supreme Court pre-game prayer ruling called to mind an incident of long ago. In the summer of 1974, we were in Soldier Field to play the Chicago Fire. We were the Philadelphia Bell, and we were five games into the World Football League's first season. Our head coach was a somewhat eccentric former NFL running back who after knocking around football's minor leagues as a coach had spent the latter part of the 1973 season as the interim head coach of the San Diego Chargers. He would best be characterized as a vulgar individual. As the Bell's Player Personnel Director, I can personally attest to that. Somewhere, he must have learned that no sentence was complete unless it was marked by at least one appearance of the compound noun that nowadays describes a certain Monica Lewinsky. I don't think he was ever better - or worse - than he was in our locker room that August night in the bowels of Soldier Field, as our team took a knee and bowed heads. For some reason, this most profane of individuals had ordained himself to deliver the pre-game prayer, and it very quickly became obvious that he wasn't used to addressing the Almighty. His prayer moved very quickly from a plea to the Almighty to give us a break because we'd been working so hard - "No (Monica Lewinskys) have worked as hard as these guys..." - to a series of declarations about the manner in which we would dismember our opponents: among other things, we would go out there and perform penisectomies on them (he was much more descriptive), chasing them off the field with sanitary napkins (he used a brand name) between their legs. George Carey, an assistant equipment manager, knelt next to me. I remember turning my head to look at him, and finding him looking at me. Shaking his head with a "can you believe this?" smile on his face, he whispered to me, "Man, this prayer isn't gettin' past the ceiling!"
***********"I grew up thinking about being a pro, but how legitimate is that? You don't know when you're 10 years old if you can play at the pro level. I took it one season at a time, concentrating on what I was doing every day - every game - every practice." Curt Warner (Not Kurt Warner - Curt Warner. Now the owner of Curt Warner Chevrolet in Vancouver, Washington, he played running back for the Seahawks and Rams, and before that, played on Penn State's 1982 National Championship team, finishing in the top ten in that year's Heisman Trophy balloting. At Pineville, West Virginia High he was all-state two years in a row in football, basketball and baseball. He told me that he is opposed to the idea of specializing in one sport, and thinks that in high school kids should play all the sports they can; college, he believes, is time enough to decide which sport to concentrate on.
*********** From my crack Australian correspondent, Ed Wyatt: "Essendon Football Club player Dean Rioli took a break from footy (Australian Rules Football) to go home to his Aboriginal people on the Cape York Peninsula. He came back overweight. The cause? Too much turtle meat, which is high in fat content. Said Rioli, "Everybody who goes back home and gets on the turtle comes back fat." Can't you just hear some NFL offensive lineman trying to pull that when he reports to camp overweight?
***********A great example of applying today's thinking to yesterday's culture: The Toronto Globe and Mail, in a story about Hamilton, Canada's Steel City, mentioned a popular 1950's song about a more famous steel city entitled "Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania." In the song, singer Guy Mitchell sang about needing some money in a hurry and walking around outside "a pawn shop on a corner." Something like "I walked up and down 'neath the clock... I ain't got a thing left to hock." Trouble is, the Globe and Mail writer said it was a porn shop. Consider it a mark of how far our culture has declined when I assure you that in the 1950's, there was no such thing as "a porn shop on a corner" - or anywhere else in Pittsburgh or, for that matter, the entire United States. The term was then unknown. Pornography, to the extent it existed at all, was smuggled into the US past customs inspectors in the suitcases of visitors to Europe. Had there been such a thing then as a porn shop, though, there still would not have been a popular song written about it. It is sad that people knowing only the sordidness of much of today's America - in which teenage girls will proudly wear tee-shirts saying "Porn Star" - think it was always thus.
***********Call this "scouting the opposition." A Letter to the editor of the Portland Oregonian by one Rick Marcus, from Eugene, Oregon puts a whole new slant on things. Ricky informs us that "terrorism is a euphemism for righteous reprisal." In other words, when some Third World bozo blows up an airplane, we had it coming, because corporate America is so greedy and relies on the slave labor of Third World Countries. (Uh-oh - Eugene is the home base of America's anarchists. Why do I think that ole Ricky dresses in black and wears a mask?)

June 28 - "What really makes the difference is morale, spirit and determination. And the coach can't provide that. The players do." Dr. Ken Keuffel, dean of Single-Wing coaches, recently retired after 31 years at Lawrenceville School

* * * * * * * * * * * As I mentioned, last week, Dr. Ken Keuffel has decided to retire, at 76, after 31 years at New Jersey's Lawrenceville School, running the unbalanced Single-Wing every offensive play along the way. Interestingly, his career at Lawrenceville was a three-act performance: from 1956 to 1960, from 1967 to 1982, and from 1990 until his recent retirement. Ken attended prestigious Phillips Academy in Andover, Massachusetts, where he was captain of the football team. (The captain of Andover's soccer team was his classmate, future President George W. Bush, with whom Ken has remained in touch over the years.) After service in World War II, Ken attended Princeton, where his most notable feat was kicking a last-second 29-yard field goal in 1946 that gave the Tigers an upset win over third-ranked Penn before 72,000 people in Philadelphia's Franklin Field. Angry fans poured onto the field and mounted policemen had to be called in to put down the ensuing riot.
Ken got his start in the Single Wing offense at Princeton, playing for Charlie Caldwell, and following graduation, he did advanced studies in two fields at Penn: in English, as he earned his Ph.D. and in the Single Wing, serving as an assistant under George Munger, one of the most unsung great coaches ever. He signed on at Lawrenceville in 1956 as head coach and English teacher - he has always taught academic classes along with his coaching duties - and coached there through 1960, when he left to become head coach at Wabash College, in Indiana.
At Wabash, it was said that the administration liked to boast of having the only football coach in America with an academic Ph.D. While at Wabash, Ken wrote "Simplified Single Wing Football", which I consider to be one of the best "how-to" football books I've ever read. (No doubt attributable partly to his writing ability.) But he grew tired of recruiting, even at that level, and after six seasons in which his Wabash teams were 28-20-8, he returned to Lawrenceville in 1967, coaching until his retirement, in 1982. He did continue to teach English, but that was it for coaching. Until, that is, Lawrenceville's headmaster came to him in 1990, asking him, at age 66, to consider returning as head coach. Ken agreed, and Lawrenceville and those of us who love the game of football are grateful he did.
To me, he epitomized everything a football coach should aspire to be. He was a gentleman and a scholar, and he coached winning football. In 31 years, his record was 151-89-8. He coached four undefeated teams, and five teams that lost only once. "Some seasons were better than others," he said, "because you have different levels of talent each year. But wins and losses are not what coaching football is really about." He explained, "coaching football is about the game and what it teaches. Players learn things about themselves and teamwork that stay with them for the rest of their lives. They learn to be selfless and how to give their best effort all the time. They discover that they can do more than they ever dreamed possible." He is realist enough to concede, though, that most coaches won't be around to teach all those wonderful lessons if we don't get it done on the field: "I guess we did have to win a fair number of games or I wouldn't have been able to keep on coaching all this time."
* * * * * * * * * * * Canadian Football is not all that different from American football, but what few differences there are make it a more exciting game, in my judgment, than that played by the NFL. It is played by teams of 12 players, and it is played on a larger field than the American game. The field of play is longer by 10 yards - freaking out most Americans the first time they notice that there are two 50-yard lines - and it is 35 feet (almost 12 yards) wider. And the Canadian end zone is 25 yards deep. The offensive team has only three downs to gain 10 yards. Defensive linemen must line up at least one yard back off the line of scrimmage. Offensive linemen must line up "on the ball" - up on the line of scrimmage. The 12th man can be on the line of scrimmage, but most often he lines up in the backfield, giving the offensive team six eligible receivers beside the quarterback (the two ends, just as in American football, plus the four running backs). What makes the Canadian game look most different from American football is the rule permitting all backs to be in motion in any direction - even forward - before or at the snap of the ball. (Just as in American football, though, only the two end men on the line of scrimmage are eligible, so on pass plays, backs going in motion forward have to be careful to be back of the line at the snap.) All punts must be fielded and returned. Scoring is the same as in American football, except for the "rouge" or "single," a point scored by the punting team when its punt goes past the end line or when the opponent is unable to return the kick out of its end zone.
* * * * * * * * * * * The Florida state legislature is actually spending time and taxpayers' money on a bill that would require all state colleges to have identical penalties for athletes' violations of the same rule. It is designed primarily to apply to those athletes who are arrested, but it seems to me it's only a matter of time before the lawmakers fine-tune it to where Bobby Bowden at Florida State can't make his players do pushups for jumping offside in practice if Steve Spurrier at Florida doesn't do the same.
* * * * * * * * * * * Philadelphia's schools have instituted a new policy requiring its students to wear unforms. The mayor is in favor, and so are many teachers and parents. Not, as you might imagine, students. After all, they will tell anyone who will listen to them, they have some "right" to "express themselves." (Hey, kids - heard of speaking and writing?) So in order to make the new policy more palatable to them, the policy allows students at each school to have some say in their school's design and colors. Each school, then, would end up with its own distinctive uniform. Uh-oh. Bad idea, say some experts. In an age in which Crips and Bloods kill each other over the wearing of a color, "It creates a walking billboard as to which school you attend," says Susan Fiske, a research psychologist at the University of Massachusetts. Says Scott Plous, another researcher at Connecticut's Wesleyan University, "It takes very little to trigger prejudices within people. Anything that accentuates differences, including uniforms, will have that effect."

June 27 - "I think family is the center and cornerstone of society" Steve Young
* * * * * * * * * * * I spent the past weekend doing a clinic in the Great White North - in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Edmonton, home to over 500,000 people, in a metro area considerably larger, is one of the world's northernmost big cities, some 400 miles north of the Canadian-US border. It is so far north that it proudly calls its professional football team the Eskimos (a name becoming increasingly politically-incorrect as Canada's arctic people prefer to be called Inuit). Ever heard John Facenda on NFL films refer to "The Frozen tundra of Green Bay?" Edmontonians laugh when they hear Yanks talk about how cold it is at Packers' games; Edmonton's average wintertime temperature is 12 degrees Fahrenheit (although, along with everything else metric, they use the Celsius scale). The Canadian Football League season starts in early July and goes until around (our) Thanksgiving, when the annual Grey Cup title game is played. By then, the NHL season is already underway, and Edmontonians have rallied behind their beloved Oilers, so named because Edmonton's economy depends heavily on Alberta's enormous oil and gas reserves. I was pleasantly suprised to find Edmonton to be bright and clean, with wide streets relatively unchoked by traffic; it is bisected for miles by the deep, wooded valley of the North Saskatchewan River, which serves Edmonton as a park and then some: it is, Edmontonians like to say, an "urban forest", running right through downtown.
Truthfully, Edmonton reminded me a lot of a Scandinavian city. It is summer now, and the Great White North is nowhere to be seen. Finally free from the grasp of the long winter, people take special pleasure when summer comes in sitting outside on restaurant terraces. And because the days are long, with sundown around 10 PM, evening fun tends to start late.
Edmonton is the home of West Edmonton Mall, the world's largest (sorry, Mall of America). Naturally, it has well over 20 movie screens, including one theatre lobby with a huge, fire-breathing (every half-hour) dragon suspended from the ceiling. So far, no one's eyebrows have been singed by the jet of fire spewing out of its mouth, but then, it's only been up there a short time. Like the mall near you, it has an indoor amusement park with 16 rides, including a full-size roller coaster. As you might expect it has several food courts and restaurants, serving every type of food on the globe in fast-food or sit-down fashion. Just like every other mall you've ever been too, it also has an indoor water sports area, featuring a huge wave pool and beach and giant water slides. Oh, yes - and a roof-top driving range, heated for year-round play. Did I mention the full-size replica of the Santa Maria (you know- Columbus?) in a pool in which dolphins swim? And a submarine, to travel around the pool, the better to watch the dolphins? This mall is so big that some retailers have two stores- one on each end.
Edmonton is also the home of my host for the clinic, Jasper Place High School and its more than 2,000 students in three grades. "JP" as it is known, won seven city titles in various sports this past year, and was a finalist in two others. Its senior football team - what in the states would be called its varsity - won not only the city title but the Alberta Provincial Championship as well. (Running the Double-Wing, I might add.) The head coach, Elwin Worobec, delegated total offensive responsibility to coordinator Bryan Buchkowsky, who, along with junior team (JV) head coach Kyle Wagner, was the driving force behind adapting and installing the Double-Wing to their 12-man Canadian Football attack. The Jasper Place Rebels and their "crazy" offense, paced by the hard running of 6-2, 215-pound B-Back Duane Gladden, were the talk of the province, as they swept unbeaten through their 9-game schedule.
Now, here's the kicker: just like other high school coaches all over Canada, Jasper Place's work for no stipend. Canadian coaches are truly dedicated. They care about the kids. They work hard and they compete to win. Losing bothers them. But service is completely voluntary. I spoke with Jasper Place principal Bruce Coggles, who told me that there is absolutely nothing he can do to assure that the people he hires as teachers will then volunteer their time to coach youngsters; the teacher's union expressly forbids tying a coaching position to a teaching position. Yet at a time when some American schools struggle to find even one paid assistant in the building, Jasper Place manages to have eight full-time faculty members on its coaching staff. Teachers like Elwin Worobec, Bryan Buchkowsky, Kyle Wagner, Dave Brown and Rob Simpson are joined by local volunteers such as Dennis Fehr, who spent years working with local youth programs before coming on board at the high school. (Somehow, based on the high esteem in which principal Coggles is held by the JP coaches, I suspect that he does a lot of things to at least let his coaches know they are appreciated and supported. I also suspect that there may be a few of you reading this who would consider giving up your meager coaching stipends in return for a stud principal like Bruce Coggles.)
JP Provincial Championship Ring Coach Buchkowsky in the JP Wt Room First One of These I've Ever Seen!
Canadian Football in its structure is somewhat like hockey. There are the youth programs which feed the high schools, and then, after high school, there is "junior football," operated independent of any school, not unlike American semi-pro teams but better organized, and serving somewhat the same role as our junior colleges or post-grad prep programs. The Edmonton area has two such programs, the Huskies and the Wildcats, which compete fiercely to sign those graduating seniors who don't go directly to college ("to university" as they say in Canada). Such players can then play two years of junior football without affecting their college eligibility - in Canada or the U.S., I might add.
More about the Canadian Football League later, but it is important to point out that, with every CFL team required to carry 15 Canadian citizens on its roster, there is some incentive to young Canadian men to remain active in the game.
* * * * * * * * * * * Like irony? The Wall Street Journal noted that despite the Sports Illustrated feature of two years ago on the army of illegitimate children fathered by several overpaid goats in the NBA, Kobe Bryant is now the bad guy because he will probably pass up a chance to play on the U.S. Olympic team - so he can get married.
* * * * * * * * * * * A book entitled "The Death of Common Sense - How Law is Suffocating America," gave out prizes for the most absurd examples of how our fear of lawsuits has trumped our common sense. First Prize went to a warning label: "Never Iron Clothes While They Are Being Worn." Guess where the warning appeared? Right. On an iron. Why? Well, obviously, some idiot scorched himself and then sued the manufacturer of the iron. And, knowing American juries, he probably won
* * * * * * * * * * * Narragansett in New England; Rheingold, Ballantine, Ruppert, Piels and Schaefer in New York; Schmidts and Ortlieb's in Philadelphia; Duquesne in Pittsburgh; Falstaff in St. Louis; Hudepohl and Schoenling in Cincinnati; Hamm's and Grain Belt in the Twin Cities; Blatz in Milwaukee - all were once leading brands of beers in their areas. All are essentially gone. Years ago, I worked for a large Baltimore brewer. With our leading brand, National Bohemian Beer, we practically owned our market, but research began to show that among younger drinkers, we were losing market share. Of course, this was happening to other local brewers just like us - the Narragansetts, the Schmidts, the Falstaffs. There were all kinds of reasons: professional sports was beginning to be televised nationally rather than locally, and local brands couldn't afford the cost of network advertising - but Anheuser-Busch, whose Budweiser was sold nationwide, could; that lousy nickel-a-bottle difference in price between Bud and the local beers was a cheap way for kids to buy a little prestige, but at the same time, multiplied by millions and millions of bottles sold, it generated a lot of extra advertising dollars for Anheuser-Busch; and this was, after all, the 60's, with its motto of "don't trust anyone over 30", and anything that was good enough for an old geezer like Dad was automatically suspect. The dilemma we faced as marketers was whether to ignore the young drinkers and stay with what had built our brand, until it died along with all our loyal drinkers, or to ignore our loyal, case-a-week drinkers and make a bald-faced appeal for the younger drinkers. My boss and I advocated a totally new product, aimed entirely at the young drinkers and unrelated in any way to our banner brand. We lost. The advertising guys never could quite figure out which way they wanted to go with our flagship brand, and in a story repeated at local breweries in nearly every part of the U.S., our company eventually vanished. I drove past the old brewery a couple of months ago and it still stood, the red-brick brewhouse still the largest building on the East Baltimore skyline but now an abandoned shell. I being all this up because the NFL faces the same kind of dilemma we did. Does it keep its game pure so as not to alienate its core of viewers, and just take the high road, trying to ride out the threat of the XFL? Or does it adapt to meet the challenge of the XFL, and in so doing pervert its game to the point that real football fans begin to tune out? My suggestion to the NFL (they have been pestering me for it for the past several months, but I've just been so busy...) is that they come out with a new league of their own: NFL Lite, or NFL-X, or whatever they want to call it. It could serve as a sort of developmental league - a place for NCAA non-qualifiers, among others - but its primary purpose would be to provide all the vulgarity, antics and poor sportsmanship ("fun," I think ABC's Don Ohlmeyer might call it) needed to counter the XFL. In the long run, it might be less expensive than allowing the XFL to grow into a competitor able to drive salaries up. And if, in fact, that turns out to be a sport with real growth potential, the NFL would be positioned to take advantage of it. It certainly would be preferable in my mind to taking the NFL itself down the low road to crotch-grabbing and chair-throwing.

* * * * * * * * * * * "With their cell phones, pagers, Game Boys and other high-tech toys...these arrested-development 13-year-olds do not distinguish between being in private and being in public." Sound like pro athletes? Actually, it's today's filthy-rich young business whizzes, as described by columnist George Will, and their resemblance to professional athletes is scary: like pro athletes, they are young, they are fantastically rich, and they are completely full of themselves and their importance. They have little patience and little respect for others and, like professional athletes, they are responsible for spreading a lack of manners and civility - a "coarsening of our culture" - through their boorish behavior in airports, in restaurants, in movie theatres and in their cars. "Wherever they are" writes Will, "they are the center of the universe." As Nancy Ann Jeffrey wrote recently in the Wall Street Journal, their core belief seems to be, "they can have whatever they want when they want it."
* * * * * * * * * * * "I'd knock on their office door and say, 'What do you have to do with education in the classroom?' or 'When was the last time you were in a classroom?' or 'When was the last time you taught a kid?' and if they couldn't answer me, I'd fire 'em." Rush Limbaugh, on the way he'd weed out the educational bureaucrats in the central offices - the non-teaching supernumeraries (excess people) sucking up taxpayers' dollars everywhere.

June 26 - "A champion is one who gets up when he can't." Jack Dempsey
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I just got back from a great weekend with some great people in Northern Canada. More about it tomorrow, eh?
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I KNOW IT'S SHAMELESS HUCKSTERING- BUT WITH SUMMER HERE, AND FOOTBALL STARTING SOON, IT'S TIME TO THINK ABOUT TEACHING TACKING - SO I HAD TO PASS ALONG THIS NOTE
"Been meaning to tell you something about your tackling video. I think I told you that several months ago, we got a coach who retired from the public school system and is now coming with us. 30+ years experience, 1 state championship, tons of district championships, etc. He was a DB at the university of Ky, and is now our DC. I was interested to see what he thought of your tape.
"He brought it back and said, 'You know, for YEARS I've been trying to find effective ways to drill tackling before we
ever put the pads on! I love what this guy is doing. It's the closest thing I've seen to what they taught us in college many years ago.' As soon as the dead period ends, we're going to start those drills every day! Well worth the investment, coach." Coach Billy Bosworth, Louisville Christian, Louisville, Kentucky START TO TEACH TACKLING-BEFORE YOU EVEN PUT THE PADS ON!
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It used to bug the crap out of me whenever Howard Cosell would say, "at the top of the show," in referring to the start of a Monday Night Football broadcast. It bugged me because it wasn't a "show," doggone it. It was a football game! But now, I must admit, I was wrong. I'm sorry, Howard. You were right. It was a show. And more than ever, it still is. Which is why Don Ohlmeyer , producer of Monday Night Football, chose a comedian - a comedian! - to be the "third man in the booth" on this fall's Monday Night Football broadcasts. So much for any pretense about the game down on the field being more important than all the extraneous garbage that the network dresses it up with. (Hey - I've got it! Let's get rid of Lynn Swann, who people liked, and Leslie Visser, who served no apparent purpose anyhow, and we'll go with two people on the sidelines this year! No, only one of them has to be a woman. That way, we can find work for another ex-player that none of our target audience even remembers. I've got it - get me Eric Dickerson. Think of it - Five people, all paid to talk. I'd like to see them sneak a football game past that!): Ohlmeyer finally admitted publicly that he doesn't see football the way real football fans see the game. He views it
in the same way as the people who'll be watching Vince McMahon's XFL . "Football is a serious game on the field," Ohlmeyer said. "But it's not played in St. Patrick's Cathedral. People watch it to have fun." Hey, Mr. Ohlmeyer - if by "fun" you mean all the things that detract from the game itself, maybe that's why your Monday Night ratings suck. Maybe the NFL and ABC ought to be asking themselves if their failing Monday Night numbers are due less to Boomer Esiason and more to the fact that in their thinking the game itself is no longer in the center ring. I mean, it's not played in St. Patrick's Cathedral, right? People watch it to have fun, right? "I am trying to put on a telecast as if I was at home and I'd want to watch no matter which teams were playing and no matter what the score was," Mr. Ohlmeyer says. Well, Don, if you can really do that, without getting the NFL to change their boring product (remember all my reasons why HS football is better than pro football?), no losing coach need ever again fear being fired. But what's scary to me is that your statement is a clear admission that to you, the game itself is irrelevant. I do believe that to you and others like you, football is just entertainment, interchangeable with "Survivor." And maybe that's all it is to those "people" you refer to who just "watch it to have fun." People like those shirtless bozos in the stands at NFL games, who look and act that way because they know that Mr. Ohlmeyer's TV cameras love showing them to us.: The problem with the Don Ohlmeyers and the NFL suits is that they try to pretend that theirs is the only football there is.
And they are willing to trash it for the sake of a little "fun." (Sound like Vince McMahon to you?) Thank the Lord there are plenty of places where football is still a serious game on the field - and in the stands, too. Places like Tuscaloosa. Or Ann Arbor. Or Baton Rouge. Or Lincoln. Or Knoxville. Or State College. Or St. Patrick's Cathedral (just kidding). Or Columbus. Or Austin. I could go on, but wait - can't forget Columbia, South Carolina. Next time you visit, ask the people there how much fun they had last year, watching their Gamecocks go 0-11.
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See if you can find anything strange here: "I want to cut your heart out. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah." Mike Tyson, Saturday night in his post-fight speech, directed at Lennox Lewis.
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Walt Disney Company is caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, it wants to break out of its goody two-shoes image and go after a larger, more mature audience. But on the other, it doesn't want to throw away its hard-earned reputation for producing wholesome entertainment you can take kiddies to. Bruce Schneider, new Chairman of Walt Disney Studios, has found out how difficult that can be. In a soon-to-be-released movie called "Remember the Titans," set in the 1970's, Denzel Washington stars as the football coach of a recently-desegregated (in the 1970s?) high school in which blacks and whites find themselves playing together for the first time. Mr. Schneider told the Wall Street Journal's Bruce Orwall that when the script was brought to him, he read it and said, "Take out all the swear words." He recalls, "In the script as written, every third word was the 'N' word, every fourth word was the 'F' word, and every sixth word was the 'S' word." Evidently, the language is what makes it an "adult" film. But with the words removed, Mr. Orwall describes the effect as "initially jarring - a bunch of jocks in a locker room, simmering over racial differences, who never swear or bait each other with epithets." Now, I don't know how many locker rooms Mr. Orwall has been in - I suspect his experience is mostly with movie versions - to consider it "jarring" not to hear the "F" or "S" words. But excuse me? "N" word? Listen - I've heard - and used - my share of "F" words, "S" words, and "M-F" compound words, but in racially-mixed locker rooms going back to 1968, in high school, semi-pro and pro, on both coasts, I have yet to hear the "N" word uttered. In 1968 and 1969, I played on a racially-mixed semi-pro team in a southern town, and from 1970 to 1973 I coached such a team. On both teams, there were numerous instances of blacks and whites associating for the first time with people of the other race. One of my fondest sports memories is of the way those men, whites and blacks, came together in an atmosphere of mutual respect, when few other people in our towns had such an opportunity. We practiced together, played together, partied together. Perhaps inspired by the message of Dr. King, young people really did seem back then to be committed to making an effort to live together in an integrated society - much more so, I often think, than now. I can't even say whether we had any racist whites or blacks on our team, although I suppose we must have. But I never knew it, because there never was an occasion for anyone to reveal a racist thought, and if anyone had such thoughts, he had the good sense to keep them to himself. We were men on a mission. I certainly have a hard time imagining even the most racist of white guys ever using the "N" word in a racially-mixed locker room. It was simply taboo. In towns that were still shaking off the remnants of Jim Crow, there were too many of us - whites and blacks - on those teams who really believed we were making a difference, that we were showing others the way it was supposed to work. We wouldn't have tolerated such talk. Nowadays, though, the Magic Word, as offensive as it is, sure does seem sometimes to be thrown around rather casually by rappers and black youngsters, perhaps leading white youngsters - and Disney's screenwriters - to think that that's way it was in the locker rooms of the 1970's. It wasn't.
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Just in case the IRS was watching... The owner of the Redskins, interviewed during the World Bowl or whatever they called that game yesterday, told the guy interviewing him that he was over in Germany "watching our punter." Now, we all know how important it is that the owner personally check on players, and we all know how crucial it is to the team's success that he be on hand to see his punter punt. But it's not important that we know. It's far more important - absolutely essential, actually - that the IRS knows how necessary it was for him to be there, or he won't be able to deduct the expenses of his trip. (And I guarantee you he ain't stayin' in no youth hostels.)
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The answer to the TRIVIA QUESTION: Dave Kreig was an undrafted free agent from tiny Milton College, in Wisconsin, (which, to the best of my knowledge, no longer exists). He played 19 years in the NFL and ranks eighth in all-time passing yards and seventh in touchdown passes. He never played on a great team, yet his record as a starter was 98-77. He played in three Pro Bowls and had a passer rating of 81.5, higher than far better-known QB's such as Boomer Esiason and Warren Moon. Correct reponses, in the order received: Cole Shaffer- La Center, Washington... Joe Daniels- Sacramento, California... Adam Wesoloski- DePere, Wisconsin... Keith Babb- Northbrook, Illinois... Frank Cassidy- Chicago, Illinois... Bill Lawlor- Hanover Park, Illinois... Greg Laboissonniere- Coventry, Rhode Island... Kevin McCullough- Lakeville, Indiana... Brian Leair- Cedarburg Wisconsin... Kevin Thurman- Tigard, Oregon... Steve Arnold - Greensboro, Noth Carolina... Ken Brierly- Carolina, Rhode Island... Glade Hall, Seattle, Washington... Best answer: Steve Staker, Fredericksburg, Iowa: "Back in 1966 I played my last college football game for Upper Iowa University out of Fayette, Iowa against Milton College. In fact I still have a record at Upper Iowa set in that game: the longest run from scrimmage for a touchdown - 95 yds from the fullback position . It was a 2@3 (that's a trap, for those of you who don't know our system) from the wing-t offense."
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In 1945, Americans drank four times as much milk as they did soft drinks. Now, they drink 2-1/2 times as much soda as milk."Soda is especially popular with the 6-to-11 crowd," says Eileen Kennedy, Deputy Undersecretary at the Department of Agriculture. "And once a child switches from mile or juice to soda, they rarely go back."
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NEW TRIVIA QUESTION: What currently active pro football coach has won The Big One with three different teams?

June 23 - "Don't be a bad loser, but don't lose."Knute Rockne
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I received a letter in yesterday's mail from Dr. Ken Keuffel at Lawrenceville School, in New Jersey, and I eagerly opened it. And then wished I hadn't. I don't think he'd object to sharing it with you. He wrote, "Hugh: Just a note to say that I had to give up coaching because of a serious back operation (8 hours on the table). Now, I'm working hard to walk normally again. Our new coach, a fine young man, will not run the single wing (my underline- HW). Best of luck with your imaginative double wing. You're a top football man. Best wishes always, Ken Keuffel" I am deeply saddened. More about this great man - this living legend - on Monday.
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Thanks to Walter S. Mossberg's weekly column in the Wall Street Journal, I have come upon one slick site. It is called "Quickbrowse" (www.quickbrowse.com) and you are going to want to take a look at it. It is what is known as a "metabrowser," and without going into any detail (mainly because I'm technologically incapable of doing so), it enables you to hook up several of your bookmarked sites - your really "Favorite Places" - into one browsable "metasite." If you're like me, you have bookmarked a zillion sites, but you really visit just a handful of them on a regular basis. Let's say they're your favorite five or six football sites (including this one, of course). Instead of doing what you normally do, which means opening a site, then closing it then opening the next one, and so forth, or opening all of them at once and jumping back and forth between them, Quickbrowse enables you to open them all at once - as one interconnected site. Think of it as one long window, made up of the first pages of all your favorite sites, connected, end-to-end, just as if you had Scotch-taped them together. Once everything's loaded, you can scroll right through the whole bunch - no opening and closing, opening and closing, no jumping around from site to site. If you want to go deeper into one of the sites, or pursue a link to an "outside" site, you can do so and still return to your metasite. This is so cool! In return for this convenience, you will find a banner ad inserted between each of the interconnected sites - the friendly folks at Quickbrowse aren't stupid. They're trying to make money, which is not an easy thing to do with a web site. Now, maybe I'm easy, but until they start advertising porn sites, I think it's a small price to pay. Check it out and let me know what you think!

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Someday, you will tell this to your grandchildren and they won't understand it. Years ago, a guy named Putt Powell told a story in Texas Coach about a guy leading a pre-game prayer, when someone in the crowd yelled, "Louder!" Our man replied, "I wasn't talking to you!"
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What a beautiful thing a class action lawsuit is. If you're a lawyer, that is. See, what they do is get a whole group of people who think they've been shafted by a company. Individually, nobody's been hurt that much, and it's not worth any lawyer's time to try to sue the company. But combined into one group - or class - of people with basically the same gripes, who agree to let one lawyer, or law firm, or group of law firms represent them, the individual claims can be stuck together to create one big claim. Take all the frequent fliers of American Airlines, and all their piddly little compalints. American Airlines just settled such a class action lawsuit filed against it by a bunch of lawyers on their behalf. Seems many the frequent fliers were ticked because of the lack of availability of seats when they wanted to use their frequent flier miles. Others were upset because American increased the number of miles needed for a free flight. So the lawyers rounded 'em up into a class and sued. American settled, agreeing to give each person in the class action suit their choice of either a free voucher, worth $25 to $75 on any American flight, or 1,000 to 5,000 frequent flier miles. The value of the settlement, depending on whether people go more for the vouchers or for the miles, is estimated to be in the neighborhood of $50 million. A lot of money, if you're American Airlines. A lot of money if you're a lawyer. (Figure upwards of 30 per cent of $50 million.) And if you're one of the ones who made it all possible? Twenty-five bucks toward your next flight on an American.
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Gotcha! The latest Newsweek magazine reveals that, under pressure to show higher scores for their classes in state tests, some teachers have taken to cheating. I think the instances they cite are just the tip of the iceberg, and I predict a nationwide scandal and standardized testing spreads. But I can see some good resulting from it: members of the community may come to appreciate that at least on the football field, kids are not being encouraged to cheat; some members of the faculty who like to look down their noses at football coaches may get a good dose of professional ethics - of having to live within a firm set of rules, and having to pay a price when they break them. (Not to mention serving as a model of good conduct for kids.) And principals may think a little longer the next time they have a choice between a job applicant who coaches football and one who doesn't, and their instincts tell them to hire the non-coach, thinking that, being non-athletic, he/she must therefore be a better teacher.
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From Jeff Huseth in the Twin Cities, who keeps me up to date on the creations of St. Paul newspaper columnist and radio talk-show host Joe Soucheray, comes this creation, one "Morghanne Q. E. Wolfe-Slattery" President of the "Euphorian Wellness Council." Mr. Soucheray knows how to skewer liberals, as he makes clear with this list of Ms. Wolfe-Slattery's "Euphorian Issues:" Love and cherish our Mother the Earth and all the friends of the forest floor. The out-of-doors is a dangerous place . . . sun, wind and rain can all cause terrible damage to Euphorians. Always wear SPF 50 or higher sunscreen. A helmet for every head - that's our motto - life is dangerous! Competition is not fair! Multi-cultural awareness - promote gender neutrality. Tolerance of all behaviors - appropriate and inappropriate - and we embrace mediocrity. Urban sprawl and SUV's are ruining our Mother the Earth. Exploring our consciousness - place no boundaries. Guaranteed equal opportunity. Outcome-based psychological education - focusing on drug ed, refusal skills and self-esteem instead of academics. Diversity in community and the workplace. Government involvement in every aspect of our lives. We believe in animal rights often over human rights. Drink only chemical-free bottled water and herbal tea. The three R's . . . recycle, recycle recycle. Ginko Biloba chips and other herbal remedies can make it all better. And everything we do is . . . for the children.
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I'm off to Canada this weekend, to Edmonton, Alberta to be precise, to spend tonight and tomorrow with the staff and kids from Jasper Place High. I'm sure I will learn at least as much from them as they will from me, since they adapted our Double-Wing to the Canadian game last year and won the Alberta Provincial Championship with it. I have seen some tape on them. You think you run misdirection - wait till you see it with three guuys in motion at the snap!
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TRIVIA QUESTION: Several people have already nailed it. If you're still interested: He ranks eighth in all-time passing yards and seventh in touchdown passes, and played in three Pro Bowls.

June 22 - "If you get into a war, you stay until you get killed or until you win." Bum Phillips
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Two weeks ago, Ralph Balducci was getting ready for next season at Portland, Oregon's Cleveland High. Cleveland High is one tough place to win. But Ralph Balducci is one tough son of a gun. I coached him briefly years ago when he played for a semi-pro team in Portland. He was fresh out of Oregon Tech, a big offensive lineman who didn't take any crap off the sometimes-mouthy defensive linemen on the club, and totally dominated them in our one-on-one sessions. We've stayed in constant touch through the years, as Ralph worked his way up in manufacturing for a large paper company, but also started to coach several youth teams on the side. Finally, his coaching talent was recognized by the new head coach at the high school being fed by one of his teams, and when the head job came open at Cleveland High School, in whose area Ralph had also coached youngsters, he was offered the position. Heck, there was no one else qualified, and no one else who wanted the job. You would have to go back 12 years to find the last winning Cleveland team. That was back when they were still called the Cleveland Indians. (Now, in politically-correct Portland, they are the Warriors.) Cleveland's teams not only lost games, they were undisciplined and disorganized as well. Ralph got the discipline and organization taken care of, and his kids were competitive. I wish I could say he got them on the winning track, but I'm not sure that any man on earth could. Ralph inherited a staff with few strong spots. Cleveland has no on-campus football facilities for practices or games. The student body and community seem frozen in the 60's - apathetic about life in general, not to mention football. Cleveland is the type of school the local newspaper goes to whenever it needs to interview a real high school lesbian, or get a couple of pictures for a feature on teen smokers or body piercing. And the administration is unsupportive. Still, Ralph has persevered for four years. But Lord, it's been tough, balancing his full-time job as a production supervisor with that of a head football coach, and sometimes the frustrations of coaching a rock-bottom school have come close to being too much. I've listened to him pour out his soul, and on more than one occasion I've said, "Screw it, Ralph. Let 'em get somebody else." The most recent occasion was three weeks ago, when he told me, "I can't. I owe it to these kids." But shortly after that, he received a phone call from a sporting-goods salesman who thought Ralph might like to know that one of the athletic directors he'd just called on told him he'd been speaking with someone who said he'd met with the Cleveland A.D. about the Cleveland football job. Wait a minute, thought Ralph. What's going on? That's my job. Now, Ralph is not a guy to beat around the bush, so he contacted the A.D. the next morning, and arranged to meet that day - Monday - with her and the Vice-Principal. There, he was told by his A.D. that she had, indeed, spoken to this person, but only about a PE job that had just come open through retirement. And the V-P, a former coach himself but now on the climb up the administrative ladder, assured Ralph that there wasn't anyone out there qualified to be a head coach anyhow; that what they hoped to do was find a young, enthusiastic PE teacher who would be able to assist Ralph and take charge of the weight program. Somehow, though, Ralph came away from the meeting unconvinced that the A.D. and V.P. were shooting straight - he told me he had the feeling that he'd just finished talking with the North Vietnamese at the Paris Peace Talks - so he asked for a meeting with the principal. At the meeting, on Thursday, the principal led off with one of these, "we appreciate everything you've done, Ralph..." setups (hard to prove otherwise: in his four years at Cleveland High School Ralph has never had a formal job review), and then proceeded to inform him that since there was, indeed, a vacant PE position in the building, they intended to use it to try to hire a football coach, and in the event they were to find one, Ralph would be asked to step aside. Until then, though, he could remain as Cleveland's football coach. Ralph told them, in essence, to take their job and shove it. And no one tried to talk him out of resigning. Could there be any doubt in anyone's mind that they already had someone ready to step in?- The very next day, Friday, the new head coach was being shown around the locker room. ( Bear in mind that all this time, the football job couldn't possibly have been advertised publicly as open, since Ralph had not been fired and had not yet resigned; yet what would the odds be of finding someone qualified to serve as a head coach by simply advertising PE position without mentioning that the head football coaching job went with it? You don't suppose those school administrators would have done anything so sneaky as to tell another coach on the sly that they planned to remove Ralph to create a position for him, do you?) The question of when and how Ralph would ever have learned of this treachery had he not forced the issue - on June 15 - will never be answered. Now, when all is said and done - there are only two possible ways that this whole assassination could have come off: one, the administration lied about Ralph's status to the guy now being introduced as their "new head coach," leading him to think that the football job was open. (I know, I know- these are the very "educators" who are supposed to be teaching "character" to our kids.) But if they didn't lie, then that leaves only one other possible explanation: a sorry, unethical pretender was willing to take part in a conspiracy to take a real coach's job away from him.
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You used to hear college athletes talking about what they'd do when they signed their big-bucks contract with the pros. More often than not, you'd hear one say something about wanting to "go back home and help my people." (Actually, come to think of it, I don't hear much of that anymore.) Anyhow, Stephon Marbury is from New York, and he was back there, and he may have gone there intending to help somebody, and he did in fact sort of "help" two New Yorkers recently, but somehow I doubt that they were "his people": while stopped at a traffic light in New York, Mr. Marbury was robbed by two men who reached into his car and stole a diamond necklace supposedly worth $150,000 (at least that is what he will be claiming for insurance purposes). Several questions immediately come to mind: What is anyone on earth doing with a $150,000 diamond necklace? Why did he have the car unlocked, or the windows open? Why did stop for the red light? (He didn't have to, you know - he's a pro basketball player.)
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Just think: it only takes one of their votes to cancel yours out. Just in case you wondered whether our democratic form of government is in good hands, consider this: a recent Oregon Lottery commercial was followed by a disclaimer saying, "Should not be used for investment purposes."

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Don Liddle died recently, in Mount Carmel, Illinois. You probably never heard of him. He was a major league pitcher who played a role in one of the most memorable plays in baseball history. He also came up with one of the funniest lines in baseball history. In fact, I don't know why it's not as immortal as the play itself. Pitching for the Giants in the 1954 World Series, Liddle served up a ball that the Indians' Vic Wertz crushed, driving it to dead center. Any other ball park in the majors and it was a home run easily, but this was the Polo Grounds, a football field ill-suited as a baseball field, with short right- and left-field lines (giving rise to the politically incorrect term "Chinese Home Run") and a center field wall that not even Tiger Woods could clear. Well, maybe he could. But anyhow, it was deep. And the Giants did have one of the best ever to play the game out in center field. A guy named Willie Mays. Mays took off, turned his back to the play, and, at a dead sprint managed somehow, more than 400 feet from home plate, to arch his back, look back and locate a speeding white baseball - and make the catch. You've seen the play, I'm sure. Or at least the picture. At some point Willie's hat flies off as he whirls and throws the ball back to the infield. No hot-dogging. No "look at me" garbage. The Giants' manager, Leo Durocher, meanwhile, had seen enough, and called for another pitcher. Liddle, who had just given up an enormous shot and been bailed out by one of the greatest catches in baseball history, handed the ball over to the reliever, telling him, "I got my man."
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And you wonder why they're screwed up: the NFL's incoming class of rookies must attend a mandatory "rookie symposium" in San Diego beginning this Sunday and running until Wednesday. The purpose is to give the rookies tips on such topics as conduct, finances and media relations. One of the guest speakers will be noted author Keyshawn Johnson, whose masterpiece, "Just Give Me the Damn Ball!" is best remembered for the way he used his literary talents to promote himself and rip his teammates.
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TRIVIA QUESTION (Submitted by my official Melbourne, Australia correspondent, Ed Wyatt): How about this candidate for the Underrated Hall of Fame? He was an undrafted free agent but he played 19 years as an NFL quarterback. He came from a small Midwestern college so obscure that it no longer plays football (in fact, near as I can tell, the school itself no longer exists - how's that for obscure?)

June 21 - "We do too many things for no other reason than somebody else does it." Jake Gaither, legendary Florida A & M coach
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The next time you think that it really doesn't make any difference who gets elected President, just remember that Supreme Court justices are appointed by the President - and they serve for life. You would do well to remember that if it bothers you that the United States Supreme Court, by a vote of 6-3, essentially outlawed student-led public prayer before high school football games. (We're talking Texas, where football and religion come together briefly - and some people say you can't tell the difference, anyhow.) Seems those pre-game prayers made a tiny minority of people in the stands feel uncomfortable. So rather than listen passively, or leave, or wear a Walkman, or arrive late, that tiny minority sued. Ever heard of martyrs? Most religions have had them - people willing to die for their beliefs. In the America of today, the only people willing to die for their beliefs are the old guys in Appalachia handling rattlesnakes, but we do have a whole new class of martyrs. These modern-day martyrs don't exactly defy the Emperor, though - instead, they get the Emperor to do their dirty work, using the good ole American judicial system to shut down those religious zealots all around them. In Texas, they came to watch a football game and didn't like what was going on there before the kickoff, so they sued to make 'em stop. And the Supreme Court, naturally, agreed with them. Said those poor folks were made to feel like "outsiders." Well, this may come as a surprise to the ladies and gentlemen on the court, but that's because that's what they undoubtedly were. Now, though, despite a centuries-old tradition of newcomers having to adjust to the ways of the community, this is America in the year 2000, where the community has to make accomodations for the newcomer - where ballots are printed in foreign languages, and cityfolk buy tract homes in agricultural communities, then sue farmers because they don't like the smell of the fertilizer. Just once, I'd like to see a judge lean forward and say to someone whining about being made to feel uncomfortable, "Get over it." Oh, and back to that presidential election bit: Said George W. Bush, ''I support the constitutionally guaranteed right of all students to express their faith freely and participate in voluntary student-led prayer.'' Said a spokesman for Albert "Alpha Male" Gore, ''He feels ... in this case that the prayer was found to be government-sponsored and participation was not truly voluntary.'' In other words, he feels very strongly whatever the polls at the moment tell him he should feel. The three dissenters to the decision were Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist and Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas. In his dissenting opinion, Justice Rehnquist wrote that the court's decision ''bristles with hostility to all things religious in public life.'' (Knowing the way the Reno Justice Department operates, I'm not sure about continuing to ask my players to join me in prayer. I can just see the Feds busting down our locker room door, assault rifles at the ready...

SCENE: Twilight in the small town of Tyrone, Texas. The tallest structure in town, the water tank, reads "Tyrone Tornadoes. State Champs, 1987" It's Friday night, which in Texas means high school football, and the lights are on at the football stadium. It's getting close to kickoff, and a large crowd sits in the stands, waiting for the teams to come onto the field.

CUT TO LOCKER ROOM: A small group of high school players and their coaches mill around nervously in the locker room; the clock on the wall reads five minutes to eight. One man, obviously the head coach, steps to the center of the room.

HEAD COACH: "Okay, men. Five minutes to kickoff. Let's all take a knee. (Players and coaches all kneel, heads bowed)

CUT TO OUTSIDE THE DOOR: A man, dressed in Department of Justice coveralls, kneels and presses his ear against the locker room door, listening to what's going on inside. When he's heard enough, he turns to a stout woman standing nearby and says, "They're getting ready to pray, Ma'am"

STOUT WOMAN (WHO ON CLOSER INSPECTION TURNS OUT TO BE JANET RENO), TURNING TO THE ARMED MEN WHO SURROUND HER: "Lock and load!"

CUT TO LOCKER ROOM: HEAD COACH: "Dear Heavenly Father..."

SUDDENLY, THE PRAYER IS INTERRUPTED BY SHOUTING FROM OUTSIDE THE DOOR. IT IS THE VOICE OF A WOMAN - CLEARLY ONE USED TO WIELDING POWER. IT IS THE VOICE OF JANET RENO: "Federal Agents! We know you're praying in there! We're coming in!"

SMASH! CRASH! (Sound of locker room door being smashed by battering ram!) A TEAR GAS BOMB EXPLODES

TEAR GAS PERVADES THE LOCKER ROOM AS FEDERAL AGENTS, DRESSED FOR ARMED COMBAT, GAS MASKS ON AND ASSAULT RIFLES AT THE READY, POUR THROUGH THE DOOR

JANET RENO: (Enters room last, holding riding crop, which she slaps into her hand as she surveys the scene) "All right - Get 'em up off their knees an get 'em on the buses! I don't want to see any heads bowed either! And if you see any lips moving, slap 'em shut. 'Dear Heavenly Father' huh? Give us any trouble, and you'll be meeting up with Him sooner than you think! Hahahahahahahaha!"(Cackles fiendishly at her own joke!)

THE AGENTS GRAB THE PLAYERS BY THEIR ARMS, JERKING THEM, COUGHING, TO THEIR FEET, AND SHOVING THEM IN THE DIRECTION OF THE DOOR. THE PLAYERS STAGGER OUT, STILL COUGHING.

OUTSIDE, NATIONAL GUARDSMEN HERD THE PLAYERS AND COACHES ONTO TWO WAITING YELLOW BUSES, IDENTICAL TO NORMAL SCHOOL BUSES EXCEPT FOR THE IRON GRATING OVER THEIR WINDOWS. THE SPORTS REPORTER/PHOTOGRAPHER FOR THE LOCAL WEEKLY NEWSPAPER TRIES TO PHOTOGRAPH THE SCENE BUT IS PICKED UP AND BODY-SLAMMED TO THE GROUND. HIS CAMERA AND NOTE PAD ARE CONFISCATED. THE BUSES, "UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT - DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE" STENCILED ON THE SIDE, PULL OUT OF THE PARKING LOT, AS FEDERAL AGENTS AND NATIONAL GUARDSMEN WITH FIXED BAYONETS KEEP ANGRY TOWNSPEOPLE BACK. ARMY TANKS CAN BE SEEN IN THE BACKGROUND. HELICOPTERS HOVER OVERHEAD, ILLUMINATING THE AREA WITH THEIR POWERFUL LIGHTS.

JANET RENO, SURROUNDED BY BODYGUARDS, STANDS OFF TO THE SIDE TALKING ON HER CELL PHONE: "Mister President- Secretary Reno Here. What's that? Reno. Janet Reno. You know - the Attorney General? Yes, I'm still the Attorney General. Where am I? I'm in Texas. Tyrone. No, sir. It's not near Waco. What am I doing here? Sir, you'll be happy to know we just nailed our first high school football team. What's that? You bet they were praying. They're a Texas high school football team aren't they? Right there in the locker room, too. Public property. Near as we can tell, the coach was leading them. Right - a public official. Got 'em dead to rights. They're on their way to Huntsville Penitentiary right now. I know it's just one school, Mr. President, but it's a start. Yes, sir. I know how important this is to your legacy, sir. I figure there are some1,400 schools in Texas playing football, 10 games a year each - but if you'll agree to pull the troops out of Kosovo and bring them to Texas, between my people and the Army we can put this Prayer Insurrection thing down and have the troops home for the bowl games. Yes, sir. Maybe some strategic bombing will change a few minds. Yes, sir. We can lick this thing. Sorry. I meant win this thing. Good-bye, sir."
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I applaud anybody who takes shots at today's outrageously behaved athletes the way www.cracksmoker.com does. Nonetheless, it is a sad commentary on today's sport scene that there is more than enough material to keep it going. The creators of the site are not necessarily accusing anyone of using controlled substances, defining a Cracksmoker as "A professional or collegiate athlete who exhibits behavior not fit for society." Here are the "Cracksmoker Criteria": $ Must be a professional or collegiate athlete $ Must have been in the news for something noteworthy other than an athletic accomplishment $ Have a tendency to put themselves ahead of their team $ Often demand more money or playing time than they deserve $ Regularly participate in excessive celebrations and taunting of other players $ Probably have referred to themselves in the third person at one time or another $ May have one or more illegitimate children $ Actions are generally not premeditated The site recognizes a "Cracksmoker of the Month" (for May, it was Penn State QB Rashard Casey), and sorts its reports according to category: NFL, NHL, NBA, Major League Baseball and - Fresno State.
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Puh-leeze. Have you ever had to listen to all the bellyaching that goes on because supposedly "football players get all the recognition," while "nobody ever recognizes the students for what they accomplish in the classroom." Well, the Portland Oregonian tried to do something about the supposed problem recently, recognizing all the 4.0 seniors in the metro area with a front page story on what it called "Academic All-Stars." Not so fast, Oregonian. Not everyone was happy with your noble gesture. The name "Academic All-Stars", it seems, happens to be the property of the Multnomah County (Portland) Educational Service District, and it has been registered with the state of Oregon as the name of one of the ESD's own programs. Nyaa, nyaa. So much for life among the academic types. Now can we get back to recognizing football players? (Provided, that is, the Good Hands People will let us continue to call them All-State teams.)
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The next time you hit a less-than-ideal golf shot (as I'm told some of you do occasionally), and then in your rage grab the club and prepare to throw it - or smash it on something - you really ought to pause in your backswing and take a look at page 31 of the July issue of Golf Digest. But just in case you won't have a copy handy at the time and you'd like to save yourself a lot of trouble, I'll tell you what's there: it's an X-ray of a golfer whose partner, in his frustration at something or other, smashed his putter against their cart. Actually, it's an X-ray of a golfer whose partner's broken-off puttershaft is stuck deep in his neck. As our frustrated golfer slammed his putter against the cart, the club snapped in two and the head went flying, its shaft impaling his partner and barely missing the spine and the carotid artery. The victim survived. "A fraction of an inch one way or the other," said the trauma surgeon who operated, "and it could have paralyzed him, or even killed him." The doctor had two pieces of advice for golfers: (1) if it ever happens to someone you know, don't remove the shaft yourself; (2) don't throw clubs.

June 20 - "No great play was ever made at a jog." General Robert Neyland, legendary Tennessee coach
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A MYSTERY COACH NO LONGER:

(Above) Ben Schwartzwalder as a HS player in Huntington, WV; (Rt) Major Floyd Schwartzwalder, 82nd Airborne, World War II; (Far Rt) Head Coach Floyd "Ben" Schwatzwalder at Syracuse University, 1971

Floyd "Ben" Schwartzwalder was a native of Point Pleasant, West Virginia who graduated from Huntington High in 1929 and went on to play for the West Virginia University Mountaineers under the legendary Greasy Neale as a 152-pound center. After graduation, he spent eight years as a high school football and wrestling coach at Sistersville, Weston and Parkersburg, West Virginia, and had just finished his first year at Canton (Ohio) McKinley High, one of the most prestigious high school jobs in America, when World War II broke out. He enlisted in the army shortly after Pearl Harbor and served in Europe as a paratrooper in the famed 82nd Airborne, jumping into combat three times, including a D-Day jump behind enemy lines. He received the Silver Star, Bronze Star and Purple Heart, and four battle stars, and rose to the rank of major. After his discharge, he spent three years as coach at Muhlenberg College, in Allentown, Pennsylvania where he was 25-5-0, and was hired in 1949 by Syracuse, where he remained until his retirement 25 years later. As he built his program from regional to national power, his teams reflected his personal toughness, and were famous for their bruising, hard-nosed play. He was noted for his emphasis on the ground attack (his teams outrushed the opposition over his career by more than 22,000 yards), and the great running backs it produced, several of them going on to become outstanding pros. Included in that list are Jim Brown, Larry Csonka, Jim Nance and Floyd Little. Ernie Davis, the first black player to win the Heisman Trophy, might possibly have become the best of them all, but he was diagnosed with leukemia before his rookie season, and died without ever playing a down of NFL football. Another Syracuse running back, John Mackey, was switched to tight end upon his arrival in the NFL, and became one of the greatest in the history of the game at that position. (Anyone who ever watched Mackey run with the ball after a pass reception can only imagine what a great pro running back he'd have made.) Coach Schwartzwalder's 10-0 1959 team finished with a Cotton Bowl win over Texas and won the national championship. Few college teams ever manhandled opponents the way that team did: running Coach Schwartzwalder's unbalanced line wing-T to perfection, the Orange outgained opponents - get this - 4,515 yards to 962. The Syracuse line that year, nicknamed the "Sizeable Seven," featured such future professionals as Al Bemiller, John Brown, Roger Davis, Bob Yates and Maury Youmans. Coach Schwartzwalder was named National Coach of the Year, and served a term as President of the American Football Coaches Association.When he retired, he had more career wins than such better-known coaches as Knute Rockne, Frank Leahy, Earl Blaik and Bud Wilkinson, and among active coaches he was third in wins behind only Bear Bryant and Woody Hayes. He is one of very few men to have coached at the same major college for 25 years or more, and held what at the time of his retirement was a record 22 straight non-losing seasons. It was during Coach Schwartzwalder's tenure that the number 44 became associated with great Syracuse running backs, as Jim Brown, Ernie Davis and Floyd Little all wore the number. So much does Syracuse honor the number that it is more than mere coincidence that it is part of the university's telephone exchange - 443 - and its zip code -13244.
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Anybody want to coach football in Texas? For anybody who is sick of soccer, year-round basketball and fall baseball, it could really be rejuvenating to work in a place where football matters. Really matters. Because of a last-minute loss of an assistant to a college position, Coach Don Davis, in Danbury, Texas is looking for a coach and science teacher. He is headed into the second year of a rebuilding program, and adds, "it would be nice to get another double wing guy, if we can." Here's part of the information I received from Coach Davis: "We are a small public school (260 in 9-12) about 45 minutes south of Houston. Tons of recreational opportunities for those so interested. We can be in the Gulf in about 20 minutes. State certification should not be a problem if certified in another state, as one can get emergency certification in Texas good for a year until state hurdles are jumped." Don Davis - Athletic Director - Danbury ISD - Box 377 - Danbury, Tx 77534 - phone: 979-922-1611 or e-mail ddavis@danbury.isd.esc4.net

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What "Greatest Generation?" Step aside, folks. You may have hauled yourselves through the Depression, won World War II, rebuilt Europe and Japan, built the peace and prosperity we all enjoy today, and then gone back and fought in Korea five years later, but you sure came up short in the brains department. Must have. How else can you explain the fact that none of you could come up with more than one valedictorian at your high school graduations? One! Why, this current generation would whip your butts. One Oregon high school, Beaverton's Westview High, had 19 valedictorians this year! Did you hear that, Gramps? Nineteen! I figure that makes them 19 times as smart as you old guys, right? Hey- seven other Portland-area high schools had a dozen or more! What's that? Did I hear somebody say "grade inflation"? It figured somebody would bring that up. What is this College Board, anyhow, saying that while the number of straight-A students continues to grow, the average SAT score of those straight-A students continues to fall. This College Board bunch really wants to rain on the parade. They're saying that they can't even find any C's on anyone's transcript any more. And listen to this professor complain: "When I was in college, getting a C was a perfectly acceptable thing to do," says Ulric Neisser, a professor of psychology at Cornell. "If I were to hand out C's like that today, I would have all kinds of students screaming bloody murder." So you might as well give them all A's, right, professor? I mean, who gets hurt? As "educators like to say," this is win-win. They get the A's and you get them - and, increasingly, their parents and their lawyers - off your case. And talk about helping the students' self-esteem: as one of the 19 valedictorians at Westview says, "We all get to say we're Number One on our transcripts." Hey! A trophy for everybody! Put it right up there next to Grandpa's silver star. (He got it for, like, something he did in some stupid war.).
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Wrote the Denver Post's Woody Paige, disappointed to learn that Steve Young's announced retirement means he won't be coming to Denver (at least to play): "Griese may be young, but he's not Young."
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There is a relatively new form of "literature" in which the author of a supposedly non-fiction piece acts like a tennis player who continually aims for the back line and occasionally misses. The ball goes over the line and the player loses the point. But when our writer crosses the line and wanders into the area of fiction, there is no umpire to call "Out!" Nor does the author make his own line calls, telling us "I'm just making this up," or "this is what I suppose might have happened." He just plays on, spinning his yarn, and we, poor stupes that we are, assume that we are reading what has actually happened, rather than a product of the author's fertile imagination. You see, he wants you to believe that this is the true story, exactly as it happened. He has witnesses. If a conversation is put in quotes, it's because the author heard it. If it's second-hand information, the author tells us the source. It's not just something "based on a true story" (as the TV people like to say) that the writer has, um, embellished. Which is no doubt why a certain Larry Guest, golf writer for the Orlando Sentinel, called his latest work "The Payne Stewart Story," and not "Death in the Sky - a Novel Loosely Based on the Life and Tragic Death of Payne Stewart."
Here's an illustration of how Mr. Guest occasionally hits the ball over the line between fiction and non-fiction:
"During the next three hours on Monday, October 25, 1999, it became apparent that what had happened over north Florida was that the plane, for whatever reason, had lost cabin pressure, and the pilots, for whatever reason, were unable to correct that rapidly fatal circumstance. Payne Stewart and the five others quickly succumbed to hypoxia, or oxygen starvation."
That much is fact. That can be proved. But the author doesn't stop there. Listen to this:
"An alarm sounded when the air pressure level inside the cabin plunged. Stewart and the others were startled by their eyes watering and popping out of their sockets. Dust swirled about the little cabin, and the temperature plunged quickly to well below freezing. Within a matter of seconds, water vapor inside the cabin condensed as fog, and windows began frosting over. The passengers began experiencing hot and cold flashes and the feeling of ants crawling across their skin."
Oh, I see. Then not everyone on board was killed in the crash, as we've all been led to believe. Evidently a certain reporter from Orlando was in the plane, too, but he survived to tell us exactly what happened. How else could he have given us an eyewitness account? Now, we know that there was practically nothing left of the plane when it nose dived into a cornfield and buried itself, so he must have parachuted out at the very last possible moment. At the first sign of an ant. How else would he have been able to describe the other passengers' final moments in such graphic - and gruesome - detail? Well, I suppose he could have received a phone call from someone in the plane, describing their last moments. But if he knew all this, why wouldn't he have told the Federal investigators before now? Why would he have waited so long to tell everybody? He couldn't possibly have made that up - that eyes-popping-out-of-their-sockets-stuff - and then still tried to pass off his book as non-fiction, do you think?
Well, actually, yes. I think. And I think it sucks. Yes, I know, we've accepted this from Hollywood for years. But nobody expects any different; Hollywood, after all, trades in fantasy. No one expects Hollywood to stick to the facts. Anyone old enough to have seen "The Babe Ruth Story" or "Jim Thorpe, All-American" knows what I mean. Hollywood casts blue-eyed guys like Jeffrey Hunter as Jesus. And on TV the so-called "docudrama", which plays fast and loose with the facts, is becoming standard stuff. And now, readers of "non-fiction" are increasingly being fed a sort of fuzzy fiction/non-fiction until they can't tell the soy from the grouond meat, and no one says a word. No one calls "Out!" Can the day be far off when students writing term papers on airplane disasters will cite "The Payne Stewart Story" as primary source material?
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I heard a government guy on the radio saying that 17 kids were killed in playground accidents last year. I knew exactly where he was headed. Safety belts on swings. Sandpaper on the slides. Port-a-pits under the jungle gyms. Mandatory helmets. I say shut down all the playgrounds. Now! I mean, if we can save just one life...

June 19 - "I tell him, 'Son, I'll make every effort to understand you, and I think I can, because I was eighteen once, but you've never been sixty-two.'" Woody Hayes, talking about "relating" to a player.
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ANSWER TO "WHO IS THIS GREAT COACH?" The mystery coach is Floyd "Ben" Schwartzwalder of Syracuse: Correct answers were submitted by: Steve Arnold - student and football player from Greensboro (North Carolina) College....Glade Hall, Seattle, Washington... Keith Babb, Northbrook, Illinois,... Bert Ford, Karlskoga, Sweden... Steve Staker, Fredericksburg, Iowa... Ken Brierly, Carolina, Rhode Island... John Reardon, LaSalle, Illinois... L.P. Warner, Riverside, California... Dennis Metzger, Connersville, Indiana... Jim Kuhn, Greeley, Colorado... Kevin McCullough, Lakeville, Indiana...

TOMORROW: More than you ever knew about Coach Schwartzwalder, a guy you should know more about.

Best answer to the Mystery Coach question was submitted by Keith Babb, a Tennessee alum who now lives in Northbrook, Illinois: "Coach Wyatt: I believe that's Ben Schwaltzwalder of Syracuse University. The Heisman Trophy winner was Ernie Davis. This brings back fond memories of the first college football game I saw in person - the 1965 Gator Bowl which featured the University of Tennesse vs. Syracuse. Syracuse had a sophomore fullback by the name of Larry Czonka and a junior halfback by the name of Floyd Little. Tennessee had an outstanding defense led by Jack "Hacksaw" Reynolds. Tennessee won the game on the strength of their defense and the passing combination of Dewey Warren to Austin Denny. Dewey Warren was the first "T" formation quarterback Tennessee had recruited since they had recently changed from the single wing attack. Mr. Warren was from Savannah, Georgia and his nickname was the Swamp Fox. He had one of the great quotes of all time when ABC interviewed him after the game. When asked about his passing success that day he said in that great southern drawl, "I just hum that 'tator."
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The gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender "communities" nag us about tolerance and acceptance and "celebrating multiculturalism" and "honoring diversity," and then they go and hold their "Pride Northwest 2000" parade on Father's Day. They call Dr. Laura Schlesinger a bigot because she refers to a certain of their activities as "deviant sex," yet the theme of yesterday's "festival" was "Celebrating Queer Art and Culture."
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According to the news accounts, there were over 50,000 gays, lesbians and other such parading through the streets of Portland yesterday, and figuring that I wouldn't be missed, and deciding that it's too late in the game for me to join the gang of anarchists to the south of us, I drove east of the mountains to Yakima, Washington. There, on Saturday, ttwo of my former players, Dan Steinback (#11) and Teddy Bakken (#51) played in the state 2-A All-Star game. As with most All-Star games, this one was not a thing of beauty. But nobody got hurt and nobody keeled over in the 90-degree heat. I do know that the coaches placed a lot of stress in the selection process on character, and the proof of their wisdom came afterward, when both of my guys said what a great week they'd had, getting to know 31 teammates, not one of whom was a jerk, and working for coaches who made it a wonderful experience for everyone. --------
On the front page of yesterday's Yakima Herald-Republic was a story about a biker rally in nearby Zillah, Washington that started out mellow, then erupted in gunshots. When police finally ended the gunfight, one biker had been shot dead and two were hospitalized with gunshot wounds. Surprisingly, that didn't stop the party, but according to Brandi Kelly, of Hood River, Oregon, things just weren't the same after the killing. "It blew the whole rally," she told the Herald-Republic. "Now everyone's angry and drunk." (That's always been my experience, too, whenever someone's been shot at a party.)
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Jack Reed, good friend and author of numerous football books, will be conducting a youth football clinic in the L.A. area. For more info, check http://www.johntreed.com/CYFclinic.html
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Florida State got to the semi-finals of last week's College World Series thanks in large part to a guy named Mike Futrell. Futrell, who was 0-for-3 and had struck out twice previously, stood in there with two outs in the bottom of the ninth and drove in the winning run as the Seminoles beat USC, 3-2. Now, think about this, before complaining too much about some of your football players' not getting into the weight room as often as they should this summer because they're playing baseball: provided that they're playing in a structured, disciplined baseball program and their coach doesn't discourage them from taking part in football workouts whenever they can, what's it worth to your football program to have a guy who knows how to compete - who can handle the pressure of being at the plate in the bottom of the ninth, with everything resting on his shoulders? (Notice my disclaimer about making sure the play for a coach who "doesn't discourage them from taking part in football workouts." I specifically excluded the $%#@%&'s who run fall high school baseball programs, the better to lock their kids up year-round.)
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Back in mid-season 1982, the Washington Huskies of Don James, defending Pac-10 champions, were ranked Number One in the country. But on this particular Saturday, they were not playing like the Number One team, much to the consternation of the assistant coaches up in the press box., whose cursing of their own players, although not loud enough to be heard down on the field, was plainly audible to reporters in the press box. This was brought to Coach James' attention after the game, and he immediately took two steps. First, he chewed out his assistants, making sure they understood it was never to happen again; and then, just to show how thorough he was, he ordered the coaches' booth soundproofed - insulated on all sides. The floor, too.

June 16 - Happy Father's Day - "I could never act like a punk. He'd let me have it." Shaquille O'Neal, referring to his stepfather, Phil Harrison, a career Army man ----- "I really feel that he bailed out on us." Larry Bird, discussing his father's having committed suicide and leaving his wife and six kids.

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WHO IS THIS GREAT COACH? He played his college football at West Virginia, and after graduation spent eight years as a high school football and wrestling coach until the outbreak of World War II. Following the war, after seeing combat as a paratrooper, he spent three years as coach of a small eastern college before being hired by the school where he would coach for the next 25 years. He is one of very few men to have coached at the same major college for 25 years or more, and set what was at the time a record with 22 straight non-losing seasons. His teams were famous for their hard-nosed play, and for great running backs, several of whom went on to become outstanding pros. He coached the first black player to win the Heisman Trophy. He coached a national championship team, was named National Coach of the Year, and served a term as President of the American Football Coaches Association.When he retired, he was third, behind only Bear Bryant and Woody Hayes, in career wins among active coaches.

FULL FRONTAL NUDITY! That got your attention. I probably shouldn't tell you this, because this is a family-oriented web site, and we're trying to run a clean operation here and I'll probably start getting a bunch of cancel-my-subscription e-mails, but as a combination Father's Day/birthday gift, my son sent me a nude calendar from Australia. He also sent me a sports calendar from Australia. Actually, they're one and the same. I'm talking about the "Matildas" calendar, featuring shots of members of the Matildas, the Australian Women's National Soccer Team. Maybe you've 'eard about it, mate, but lemme tell you, these are some fine looking Sheilas (girls). I know that sounds sexist. But they show everything. Everything! (Sexist me, again.) As you might imagine, the calendars have sold like crazy Down Under. I have no idea how they've affected attendance at the women's games. Nor do I know whether male reporters are able to go into women's locker rooms in Australia. Or how I can get press credentials.

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Former Carolina Panthers' wide receiver Rae Carruth, accused of arranging for the murder of his pregnant girlfriend after she declined to have an abortion, now wants visitation rights to see the child, born by caesarian section to the dying mother. The baby is now in the custody of its maternal grandmother. Happy Father's Day.

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It was June 18, 1988, my birthday, and I was in Jyväskylä, (try prouncing that one) Finland, driving back to my apartment with my two American players after a little get-together at the home of one of my Finnish players, when we came upon what appeared to be an accident. A crowd had gathered in the road, surrounding a mini-van that was stopped in the middle of the road. We had to stop, too, so we got out and discovered that the van was idling, its driver slumped over the wheel. The people were just staring; nobody was doing anything. Knowing only enough Finnish to tell people to get out of the way, I began performing two-person CPR along with one of the players, Bill Brown, while the other player, Tim McNall, tried to summon emergency assistance. (He didn't know any Finnish!) For what seemed like two hours but was probably more like 10 minutes, Bill and I worked until the fire and rescue guys arrived on the scene. What a relief it was to see them! The gentleman was still alive when they whisked him off to the hospital, and later that night one of the EMT's, who also happened to be a fan of our football team, found me at our team hangout and told me that the gentleman, Toivo Sormunen, was still alive. We headed over to the hospital, where the doctor told us, quite matter-of-factly, that while he was, indeed, alive, his chances weren't good - that he was, after all, an old man, and it was unrealistic to expect much. But Mr. Sormunen held on, and after a few days he was transferred to a sort of convalescent hospital, where we visited him and had our pictures taken with him while he told the other old fellows in his room what we'd done. (At least, I think that's what he was telling them. It was only my second year in Finland.) Miraculously, Mr. Sormunen survived, and his son sent me some pictures to prove it. Later, when a former player of mine who is a firefighter in Vancouver, Washington heard what had happened, he was amazed. He said that he had performed CPR nearly 100 times, and had never been successful in reviving anyone. As it turns out, his experience is the norm. Although surveys show that the public believes that CPR works 65 per cent of the time, the fact is, despite all the dramatic saves we see on TV and all the effort we put into teaching it, in real life CPR rarely works. "Most people who get CPR die," says Dr. Jerome Haefner, professor of emergency medicine at UCLA. In a 1994 study of 2300 cases of cardiac arrest in New York City, only three per cent of those receiving CPR survived. Granted, that's three times better than the one per cent who survive without CPR, but it's still not very good. The problem is that CPR does not restart the heart; all it does is buy the victim time, keeping blood circulating through his body - and oxygen going to his brain - until his heart can be shocked with a defibrillator. Doctors generally estimate that for every minute after the cardiac arrest that the victim goes without being shocked, his chances of survival decrease 10 per cent. The solution, then, would seem to be to have a defibrillator - and someone trained in its use - as handy as a fire extinguisher. Which is exactly what many businesses and institutions are doing. Chicago's two airports, O'Hare and Midway, now have such machines - worth $3,000 each - located so that no passenger is ever more than a minute away from one, and 50,000 airport and airline workers have been trained in their use. Since their introduction in January, 11 people have suffered cardiac arrest in Chicago airports, and nine have survived. American Airlines now has defibrillators on all its planes, and Southwest is planning to do likewise. But CPR, defibrillators or what-have-you, the main lesson I learned from the whole experience was what the Finnish EMT said to me, when I told him about all the people standing around, doing nothing: "Even if all you do is kick him in the ass - do something!"

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I weep for poor Glen Rice, pouting because Phil Jackson hasn't been giving him enough playing time in the NBA Finals. His wife has even joined him in protest. I know that this is not the best time to be raising personal concerns. But then, this is professional sports. So Coach Jackson, tolerant man that he has to be in order to get through a day of dealing with professional basketball players, says, in effect, "that's Glen." Can you imagine Glen Rice pulling this crap with Red Auerbach? Or Vince Lombardi?

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I THINK I MAY MOUNT THIS SOMEWHERE: "There are no miracle coaches, and no coach has any great secrets or any unsolvable plays that make him successful. The successful coaches are those who know how to handle men, who pay great attention to a thorough teaching of the rudiments of the game, who have a comparatively few basic plays which they can teach their teams to execute flawlessly, and who have good material to work with." Glenn S. "Pop" Warner, "Football for Coaches and Players" 1927

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Have a nice weekend. I'm torn between driving over to Yakima, Washington to watch two of my players from last year play in an All-Star game Saturday night or driving down to Eugene, Oregon, Anarchist Headquarters, where they're setting up for the annual Anti-Capitalist Punk Festival. It's a tough call. It could go either way. It's so stressful. I'll let you know what I decide.

June 15 - "I treat my players the way I wanted to be treated when I was a player." Don James, great Washington Huskies' coach

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In his senior year of high school in Plainfield, New Jersey, Milt Campbell scored 23 touchdowns for his unbeaten football team, won two state titles in swimming and three in track, and that summer, at 18, won a silver medal in the decathlon in the 1952 Olympics, held in Helsinki, Finland. Four years later, in Melbourne, Australia, he won the gold medal in the Olympic decathlon, setting an Olympic record while defeating fellow American Rafer Johnson. In the interim he attended Indiana University, where he played football and competed in track, winning an NCAA title in the 120 high hurdles. In May, 1957, he tied the world record in the event, with a time of 13.4. Following his amateur track career (they really were amateurs then), he played pro football briefly with the Cleveland Browns and the Montreal Alouettes of the CFL. He was a national-class competitor in judo. He is a member of the Indiana University Hall of Fame. In 1992 he was voted into the Olympics Hall of Fame. He is the only person to belong to both the Swimming and Track Halls of Fame. He was named New Jersey Athlete of the Century. A Sports Illustrated article on him was titled "The Best Athlete You Never Heard Of". Congratulations to Adam Wesoloski of dePere, Wisconsin - only coach to identify him

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It's uncertain in its origins, but I received this e-mail yesterday from Scott Russell in Northern Virginia: "The message you are now reading contains no hidden attachments or anything other than the text you see here. It is a computer virus sent to you on the Honor System. Please delete all files on your hard drive and then forward this message to everyone you know."

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A coaching friend was selected recently to coach a youth all-star team. Like so many youth coaches, his full-time job is in law enforcement, but he rarely has to use his law-enforcement skills on the football field, and so even he was surprised by what happened at one of his practices: "Get this. I am running a tackling drill with the DBs when I hear a commotion behind me and I look around to see two players having a fist fight. I break them up (not easily) and find out these two guys are from the SAME TEAM. I separate them and ask one of the coaches to talk to one while I talk to the other. The guy I talk to clams up and refuses to say anything. I am immediately suspicious (cop intuition). I ask the other coach what his player said and he finds out that these two kids are from the same "hood" and had at one point belonged to the same street gang. However the kid that he had was trying to get out of the gang and the one that I had was trying to keep him in. I did find out however that his kid threw the first punch because he knew that once he turned around he would be sucker punched. Neither kid returned to practice and I made them do some extra work after practice. Go figure, coach. Now I feel like a d---- community watch program and probation officer rolled into one."

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In his recent book, "You're Too Kind," a study of sycophancy (brown-nosing), Richard Stengel writes, "Bill Clinton is an oval office Eddie Haskell, the smooth charmer who says whatever he thinks people want to hear and then does whatever he wants."

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With more and more schools posting kids' grades on the Internet, it is only a matter of time before we start seeing bumper stickers boasting, "My Child is an Honor Student at www.wilsonelementary.com"

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You have to hand it to the parents at Ridgefield (Washington) High School, where I once taught. They sure can raise the money. So can the parents at nearby Prairie High School, in Brush Prairie, Washington. Considering that Ridgefield is a school of some 400 students, $10,000 is a lot of money to raise. And for Prairie, with about 1000 students, $27,700 is pretty impressive, too. You'd figure, wouldn't you, that their schools' teams are going to have some mighty fine uniforms next year. You'd be wrong. That money isn't going to sports, dummy. In both cases, it's going to pay for one-night extravaganzas called "Drug-and-Alcohol-Free Senior Parties," and in these parts they are growing to monstrous proportions. Maybe you have them too. The typical scenario calls for seniors to go right from the graduation ceremony to buses that take them to a top-secret destination - maybe a health club, maybe an amusement park, maybe a cruise ship - where they will spend the drug-and-alcohol-free night dancing, playing all sorts of games, and competing for some rather nice prizes that people have been kind enough to donate: CD's, Walkmans, airline tickets. Airline tickets? More about them later. To pay for these elaborate, all-night parties, parents have been busting their buns for the entire year or more, engaging in fund-raising activities that once might have benefitted sports but now pay for one-night blow-outs. The good reason for such extravagance is to keep the kids drug- and alcohol-free, even if for only one night. It is on that premise that all the money is raised. If such efforts can save one child's life, a mother was quoted as saying, it's all worth it. Yeah, right. The old "if it can save one life" rationalization. Of course, if they really wanted to save lives - a whole lot more than one - they'd have taken their kids' car keys a long time ago. But remember, that was only the good reason. The real reason, some experts think, why parents would work the way they do to splurge like this is a form of arrested development that keeps some of these parents mentally frozen in time as teenagers themselves. Those kids really don't need anything that lavish. Hey- just a little over a month ago they each spent enough money on their proms - the tuxes, the dinners, the limos, etc. - to pay the wages of a Nike factory worker for a couple of months. It's their parents who are getting the big thrill out of all these parties - a vicarious thrill, to be sure, the same as they get when their kid hits a home run. Otherwise, why all this work for one night? Which brings me to the airline tickets. The next day, many of those same parents who raised all that money to keep their kids drug-and-alcohol free for that one graduation night, will look the other way as their children and hundreds of other recent graduates jet off to Mazatlan (or wherever they go where you live) for a party scene that will be anything but alcohol-free. And then on to college, where those children of privilege can idle their days away demonstrating for the rights of workers in Third-World sweatshops to earn another 25 cents a day.

June 14 - Flag Day "There is no heavier burden than a great potential." The late Charles Schulz (Through Charlie Brown)
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Hats off!

Along the street there comes

A blare of bugles, a ruffle of drums,

A flash of color beneath the sky:

Hats off!

The flag is passing by.

Henry H. Bennett, The Flag Goes By

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I didn't watch "Survivor" last week because unfortunately I have an idea how it ends, and for anyone who feels the way I do about the self-absorbed characters in the show, it is a very sad ending, indeed - not one of those creeps gets bitten by a poisonous snake or eaten by giant crabs. As for last week's episode, it should have been obvious to anybody familiar with today's Americans that the old guy was going to be told to take a hike. "Greatest Generation" my foot. You're outta here, gramps. See, he was judgmental. And authoritarian. He wasn't into the popularity game. (Actually, the show should be called "Bureaucracy," because it's not really about survival in the Boy Scout sense of the word; it's about keeping your job by staying popular. By pressing your lips against all the right posteriors. By glad-handing everybody until you spot your opening to stick it between their ribs.) The way they banished the old guy made me wonder if we'd be speaking English in North America right now if the original settlers of Jamestown had been able to vote on who stayed and who went. I guarantee you that if they had, Captain John Smith would have been on the first boat back to England. Of course, the rest of them would have starved to death, but they'd have been rid of that pesky Smith. Smith, you see, was the leader who told the gentleman idlers who had come over looking for gold that it was time to get off their butts and get to work or they'd all starve. "He that shall not work," he told them, "Neither shall he eat." No Work, No Eat - as simple as that. Start planting or take your chances outside the gates with the Indians. And he managed to make it stick. To say the least, he was not very popular. But that 1608 version of "Survivor" was not a popularity contest. It was real survival, without any TV cameras rolling. So they worked. And guess what? They also ate. And the colony survived. And thus did English maintain its toehold in the New World.
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Coach John Wooden, quite possibly the greatest coach in any sport, was interviewed by Bill Walton one of his former players, at halftime of last Sunday's Lakers-Pacers game. Coach Wooden's mind is still as clear as ever and characteristically, he measured his words carefully. But as always, he had some strong opinions. On Bobby Knight: "I wouldn't want anybody dear to me to play for him." On former UCLA and current Pacers' star Reggie Miller, whom he admires as a player, but whose attitude he deplores: "There's too much taunting, and I just don't like that at all." On John Stockton, and why he likes him (besides the fact that he is so unselfish and passes so well): "He doesn't wear those bloomers."
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"A few days ago, it was reported on ESPN radio by Dan Davis (Tony Kornheiser Show) that the "official condom sponsor" of the Sydney Olympic Games has raised their sponsorship from 50,000 to 100,000 condoms. The condoms will be put in the "Welcome Bags" disbursed to the athletes as they check into the Olympic Village.....The sponsors, based on past Olympic surveys decided that 50,000 was not enough.......What the hell is going on here? I am all for safe sex and all, but don't these athletes have a few other minor things to be worrying about during these two weeks?" Bill Lawlor, Chicago (Watch for them any day now - official NFL condoms, in the colors of your favorite team. It's just a matter of time.)
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If you like good Double-Wing football, you won't want to miss next fall's season-opener in Lynn, Massachusetts' Manning Bowl. It'll be a Double-Wing double-header, two Double-Wing teams - and two of the Boston area's better clubs - for the price of one as Austin Prep of Reading, which finished 11-1 and won last year's Division VI Super Bowl, plays in the first game, followed by Lynn Classical, which ended 1999 with a 9-2 record, its best in years.
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It wasn't long after Art Modell purchased the Cleveland Browns that it became apparent there was no love lost between him and coach Paul Brown, the man who built the franchise from scratch. "Art was not a football person," Brown wrote. "I resented his lack of background in the football world and did not respect his knowledge, and I probably showed it many times, not helping the situation any." In 1962, Modell gave Brown, the man who had established and built the team and been its only head coach - the man for whom the team was named, for pete's sake - the heave-ho. Without getting into specific reasons why Coach Brown disliked and distrusted Modell, a passage in his autobiography, "PB", written in 1979, expresses the bitterness he still felt, years later, over his departure. "The relationship between the two of us has been described as a personality conflict, but it was much more than that. It was a basic conflict between two different styles and two different philosophies of operating - one from knowledge and experience, the other from a complete lack of either." (For his sarcastic but refreshingly candid explanation, Coach Brown, by then the owner-coach of the Cincinnati Bengals, was fined $10,000 by the league office.)
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This is one of the few football web sites that can afford a worldwide staff of correspondents. From my Melbourne, Australia news bureau comes this: "Talked with a reporter from Channel 10 here who was talking about the atmosphere in the US during the last Olympics...she couldn't believe how everything was prerecorded and there was so much emphasis on 'sappy stories about athletes'...Aussies are so used to live late-night events (rugby, English soccer, cricket, tennis) that the whole recorded thing is puzzling to them. And, like Europeans, they see value in sports like weightlifting and rowing, which US networks rarely show. Very interesting." (Wait till you see what NBC does with the Olympics this time around. You are going to get so-o-o-o sick of "sappy stories about athletes," because basically, NBC doesn't give a crap about what you want. They are going after the female audience - Summer Olympics or not, if they could, they'd show figure skating every night.)
ONLY ONE PERSON SO FAR HAS IDENTIFIED THIS ATHLETE: In his senior year of high school, he scored 23 touchdowns for his unbeaten football team, won two state titles in swimming and three in track, and that summer, at 18, won an Olympic silver medal. Four years later he won Olympic gold, while in the interim having competed in major college football, track - winning an NCAA title - and swimming. And he was a national-class competitor in judo. After the second Olympics, he had a brief pro football career in the NFL and the CFL. He is the only person to be a member of both the Swimming and Track Halls of Fame. He was named his state's Athlete of the Century. A Sports Illustrated article on him was titled "The Best Athlete You Never Heard Of". (You soon will.) Can you tell me who he is before I tell you? ANSWER TOMORROW

June 13 - "Better to have one good teacher than two crummy teachers any day." Regional Superintendent for Instruction Irwin Kurz, Brooklyn, New York
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Hey, Roger, some of us know high school principals like that. Roger Neilson, who started last season as coach of the Philadelphia Flyers, had the misfortune - to put it mildly - of being stricken with cancer this past season. He underwent a mid-season bone marrow transplant, but, being the sort of competitor he is, insisted on returning behind the bench by the end of the season, as he said management promised he could. But the team had been playing well in his absence, and management would have none of it, instead retaining Craig Ramsay as interim head coach role all the way through until the Flyers' eventual playoff elimination by the New Jersey Devils. Now that the season is over, Neilson has been "non-renewed," a term familiar to many high school coaches. Management has not merely failed to reinstate him, as he said was promised, but now has officially given the head coaching job to Ramsay. The irony wasn't lost on Neilson, who was once Ramsay's coach in junior hockey. "I feel happy for Rammer," said Neilson. "I just wish it wasn't my job."
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For sheer gratitude, it's hard to top Paul Allen, owner of the Portland Trail Blazers. What a guy! Here he is, on his way to becoming a millionaire (which would be okay for most of us, but not if you're already a billionaire, like him) as the value of his Microsoft shares continues to shrivel, but he can still find time to write a thank-you letter to his fans! Not only that, but he posts it in a full-page ad in every area newspaper to display it! No postage stamps for him! And wait till you hear this! He says Blazers' fans are the BEST fans in the NBA - "our sixth man" he calls them! And he signs it "Paul." That's it. Just "Paul." Imagine. The richest owner in sports, and he wants to be on a first-name basis with his fans! Talk about a good friend to have! I can just see his PR guys as he wrote the letter, frantically trying to talk him out of adding, "PS - and anytime you're anywhere near the Rose Garden, be sure to pop in and say 'hi.'" Not to mention, "And if there's ever anything I can do for you, after all you've done for me..."
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Challenger Gray & Chirstmas, a Chicago "outplacement" firm (they work for companies to try to find jobs for people who've been laid off), reports that in the first quarter of this year, 21 per cent of people discharged from jobs had been let go on their first day on the job!
------ Nearly 60 years ago, Hitler threw his best at the English, but couldn't break their will. He'd have made short work of today's Englishmen, though, if this item that I came across a few weeks ago is any indication. It seems that a committee appointed by England's Labor Party government has recommended that schools refrain from playing musical chairs, on the grounds that bigger, stronger kids have an advantage. Yeah. Also the ones who are lucky enough to be close to an empty chair when the music stops. (Uh, militarily speaking, wasn't Hitler a "bigger, stronger kid?")
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"In some high schools where scratches are passed over and permitted to grow into infections, where boys dress for practice in a poorly ventilated basement room, where proper protective equipment is lacking - there we find most of the injuries that are charged against football. My advice to the parents of a boy playing high-school football is to inquire carefully into the organization and equipment available. If the equipment is lacking, if the practice is held on a rough, pebbly field, if showers and proper sanitary arrangements are not present as protection, then it is far better that the boy play no football until he reaches college." Lou Little, long-time coach at Columbia, writing in 1935. Boy, things have really changed since then, haven't they? I'm referring to the fact that high school kids must have taken showers back then.
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Patrick Welsh, an English teacher at T.C. Williams High School in Alexandria, Virginia is a regular contributor to USA Today and I enjoy his insights and observations. He wrote recently that he's had parents of kids in his advanced placement English class ask him what their kid needs to do to get an A in his class. "Often," he writes, "parents won't accept the fact that a kid isn't capable of getting an A, and blame both the teacher and the child." Welcome to the club, Mr. Welsh. We coaches know exactly what you're talking about.
June 12 - "No good athletic coach should ever be ashamed of his job or apologize for it." William Lyon Phelps, Professor of English at Yale from 1892 to1933

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Amazing what a little negative motivation will do. When Washington State basketball coach Paul Graham was an assistant to Dave Bliss at SMU, back in the early 1980's, Coach Bliss invited him to go golfing at a nice Dallas country club. Unfortunately, Coach Graham had never so much as picked up a golf club before. You can imagine what happened - he wound up providing a lot of laughs for the other three guys in the foursome. Stung, Coach Graham went out and got himself some clubs and began to practice obsessively: he put up a net in his backyard and got up at 5 every morning to hit balls into it; he went home for lunch every day and hit balls into it; he came home after work and, until well after dark, hit balls into it. Every chance he got, he went to the driving range, where he hit balls by the hour. "All I could think about was those people laughing at me," he told Ken Goe of the Portland Oregonian. Amazingly, the next time they played, he beat the boss by three strokes. "You've been practicing," Coach Bliss observed. Answered Coach Graham, "Coach, you'll never laugh at me again." (You might tell your kids this story as an example of what a real competitor does after failing at something.)

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An interesting thing to contemplate at graduation time...

How can a school system with 30,000 students, almost half of them eligible for free or reduced-price lunch, only 60 per cent of them in the same school they started the school year in, a system far more racially diverse than the American population at large, consistently produce results comparable to those of the best school systems in the nation? If its scores were to be compared with those posted by states, this system's 8th-graders would finish second only to Connecticut in the writing portion of the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP), considered the most significant of such tests; they would finish fourth in reading. A full 80 per cent of its high school graduates go on to college, compared with 67% nationally. Nationwide, while only 10 per cent of free or reduced-price lunch kids achieve writing proficiency, in this system, it's 35 per cent, not far below the 40 per cent achievement of their better-off peers. The 26% scores achieved by black students and 32 per cent by Hispanic students far exceed their figures nationwide of 10 per cent and 7 per cent, respectively.

Where is this miracle school system, anyhow, and what is it doing right? To begin with, its schools are spread all over the country. All over the world, in fact. It's the network of base schools run by the Pentagon for the children of military personnel who live on-base. Originally set up overseas to provide for the education of American personnel serving in Europe after World War II, base schools were also established in the formerly-segregated South to provide integrated schools for soldiers' kids. There are now 71 such schools in the US, and 153 overseas.

Why are they so successful? Well, money could be part of the answer. With a budget provided by the Department of Defense, they do receive about $7,700 per student per year, roughly 25 per cent more than most US public schools. That helps, but it has yet to be proven anywhere that more money automatically produces better results. Teachers, a high percentage of whom have graduate degrees, are well -paid, and schools are well-equipped.

But there's a lot more to it than that. First of all, there are parent volunteers. Lots of them. And many of them are males, given time off for the purpose - an hour a week here, a half-day a month there - by their commanders.

And there are fathers at home. A high percentage of the base kids live in two-parent homes, which, although it is not politically correct nowadays to say so, does correlate highly with better academic achievement.

William Raspberry, columnist for the Washington Post, suggests another major reason: unlike far too many poor and minority people in the civilian world who tend to believe that life is unfair - that "breaks are haphazardly distributed," and race is "a near-insuperable barrier to success" - these kids' parents believe that they can succeed through their own efforts. They are living proof of it, and they pass their beliefs on to their kids.

And then there is the problem of kids moving from school to school. Unlike civilian schools, which often do little more than wring their hands at having to educate transient kids, base schools deal with parents' frequent relocation by first of all being aware of the problem: many of the teachers are wives of soldiers, and many were themselves "Army brats," familiar with growing up on the move. They take special steps to alleviate the stress of a kid's adjusting to a new school, and they stay in touch with kids who move away. Additionally, moving from school to school within the system is made easier by an element of common sense often missing in more "progressive" public schools: since 1994, all Pentagon schools have shared the same curriculum. (The five high schools in one district near where I live have five separate and distinct class schedules, five separate "menus" of class offerings, and five different sets of graduation requirements.)

But here, in my opinion, is the biggie: discipline. Not only are these kids likely to come from families that repect and live with discipline, but from all reports, the schools are able to establish and uphold standards of conduct rarely found on the outside. Not only do they demand discipline - they get it. That's because they have a hammer that would be the envy of any public school: if a soldier's kid misbehaves, or if the soldier ignores a school's requests for a conference, the school can contact his commanding officer. From there, at a minimum the parent will get a chewing-out; at the extreme, he and his family can be evicted from base housing - meaning that junior will find himself in the local public school. One soldier received a reprimand when his kid joined a gang; when the young fellow's behavior didn't improve, the family was kicked off the base.

Coaches will like this: after a mother insulted a cafeteria worker, her soldier-husband was informed by his commanding officer that his family's conduct was his responsibiliy, and that without an apology from the mother and an assurance that there would be no further incidents, the family could start packing. (I don't even know whether any of these schools have football teams, but if they do, I somehow doubt that there are too many parents in the coach's face after a game.)

So highly do military parents prize the education these schools provide that even after moving off base, some of them have gone to such lengths as having on-base personnel appointed as their kids' guardians, just to keep them in base schools. (Because of the costs to the taxpayers of educating these students, the Pentagon takes extra care to make sure in such cases that the kids actually are living on base with their new guardians.) One Fort Knox, Kentucky mother whose husband was about to retire from the service, made an amazing sacrifice in order to keep her family on-base and her kids in base schools - she enlisted herself!
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In 1988, when Dave Rees started out as senior sports producer for KIRO in Seattle, the station devoted seven minutes of its half-hour news-sports-weather show to sports. Now, in its 5 PM show, sports gets two minutes. The last two minutes. The powers that be have decided that viewers would rather watch more "action news, " weather and happy talk, so sometimes even those two minutes of sports get cut back to 30 seconds or so. This is pretty typical of the trend at local stations around the country. Any wonder, then, that Rees is leaving KIRO for Fox Sports Net, whose "Regional Sports Report" will debut in the Pacific Northwest this Wednesday, to be followed by similar regional Fox sportscasts around the nation?
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"A Penn Stater doesn't have to let the world know, by putting six Nittany Lions on his helmet, that he made six big plays. When he scores a touchdown, he doesn't dance or go berserk in the end zone. When a Penn Stater goes on that field, he expects to make a touchdown." Joe Paterno
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I failed to mention on Friday that there was exactly one coach out of all the respondents to the last trivia question who correctly identified the single-wing play diagrammed (see June 9) as KF-79. It was Coach Greg Laboissonniere, of Coventry, Rhode Island, whose youth team runs the single-wing.

June 9 - "There is no substitute for hard work. Unless you have rich parents" Abe Lemons, former college basketball coach (and noted humorist)
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If there's one thing that galls someone who has majored in history, it's listening to people of today judging a person from the past by present standards. I don't like to see today's psuedo-intellectuals passing judgment on the morality of a George Washington or Ulysses Grant, but what can you do? They're not here to defend themselves. But Thursday, a guy named Harold Trautman wrote to the Portland Oregonian, taking exception to an editorial the paper had written in honor of those brave people who died in our service in World War II. Clearly, he would like to judge the actions of the Greatest Generation by his (considerably lower) standards of duty and responsibility. He wrote that instead of writing, "...men and women who fell in defense of their country," the paper should have written, "...men and women who were sent to fall in defense of our country." And instead of "...sacrificed themselves," we should have read, "...were caused to be sacrificed." Do you see where this idiot is headed? He concludes by writing that "...our military men went where their duty called them - and fought and died," should have read that they were "...forced to go where orders sent them - and fought, suffered, and died." It is interesting that now we can't get enough of this "Greatest Generation," because we pretty much ignored these wonderful people for the past 55+ years. Obviously, we should do everything we can in praise of these men and women while they are still with us. Meanwhile, we have produced at least one generation of people like Mr. Trautman, who can't imagine anyone doing what those World War II guys did, just because they believed that it was their duty to do so. For a generation of kids like him, most of whom have no conception of a sense of duty, we can thank cowardly public school "educators" who have been so busy teaching students about their First Amendment rights (and all the evil things that Americans have done) that they've neglected their duty to pass along the harsh lesson that the freedom they take for granted is not free.
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The LSU baseball team returns once again to the College World Series in Omaha. And the Tigers' women practically own the NCAA outdoor track championship, having just won it last weekend for the 12th time since 1987. There is a reason. It's a guy named Bob Brodhead, who was the LSU Athletic Director back when LSU baseball and track dynasties began, and it's a damn shame he can't be here to enjoy it. Bob was my boss when we tried to make a go of a World Football League franchise in Portland. He was a brilliant guy, a Duke grad who played a little CFL ball and a little NFL ball, too, before winning a bunch of minor league championships quarterbacking a team called the Philadelphia Bulldogs. He spent a number of years with the Cleveland Browns as Art Modell's second in command, before being lured west by the chance to run the whole show in Portland. We didn't last very long before the WFL blew up, though, and after a short period of time on the beach, Bob managed to wind up back in the NFL as business manager of the Miami Dolphins. After a few years there, he landed the prestigious athletic director's job at LSU, at a time when the Tigers' overall sports program was little more than mediocre. His first job - the job he later figured out he was hired to do - was to fire the Tigers' football coach, former LSU and NFL great Jerry Stovall. It was not a universally popular move. Bob temporarily appeased the wolves with his brilliant hiring of Dolphins' defensive coordinator Bill Arnsparger as LSU head coach, and built a great athletic program, adding to his hires a young assistant baseball coach at Miami named Skip Bertman. Skip, for my money, is the best baseball coach in America. (Actually, Skip, who coached high school football in Miami, would be one of the best football coaches in American had he chosen to go that route instead.) Bob angered some hardcores by investing quite a bit of LSU's resources into the so-called "minor" sports, and really built up its women's programs. Not that the major sports suffered, exactly: how many schools can claim a sports year like LSU in 1985-86 when its football team went to a bowl game, its basketball team went to the Final Four, and its baseball team went to the College World Series? I spent the summer of 1986 as an intern in the LSU athletic department, and those sure were exciting times in baton Rouge. Bob's "Tigervision" pioneered pay-per-view television at the college level, and his plan to build (and sell) luxury boxes at Tiger Stadium was way out ahead of anyone else at the college level. Bob was very bright. Unfortunately, as so often happens with very bright people, he suffered from a hubris (excessive pride and self-confidence) that was to prove his ultimate downfall. He saw himself as LSU's savior (maybe he was) and just couldn't understand why others didn't appreciate what he was doing for them. Worst of all, he thought his accomplisments meant he didn't have to play politics, a serious mistake in a state where politics comes in second only to LSU football in popularity; in fact, the two sometimes seem indistinguishable. He really thought that people would so appreciate the brilliance of his ideas and their potential to improve LSU's athletics that they would suspend their animosities, their petty differences, their palace intrigue, and get on his bandwagon. Good luck. He was so convinced of his rectitude that in his desire to prove his contention that NCAA investigators were grilling athletes illegally and without benefit of counsel, he allowed himself to be led into a trap. On the advice of a trusted underling, he arranged to tape the investigators as they sat in his office. But he had been set up. FBI agents were tipped off to the plan, and sent in an undercover agent posing as a wiretap expert, who was wearing a wire, to get the goods on him. He did. Bob's arrest and resultant guilty plea to a wiretapping charge cost him his job. He never did regain his bearings. Considered unhireable by other large schools, he managed to convince the people at Southeast Louisiana to hire him as A.D., but that didn't work out, and he spent his last years as a radio talk show host in New Orleans, a bitter man. Bob is dead now; his plunge from prominence and promise an American tragedy. I remember riding to his office with him one day from his home in River Bend, outside Baton Rouge. Tiger Stadium loomed in the distance, a gigantic structure rising from the flats near the Mississippi, and Bob looked at it and looked at me, and said, "There's only one job that I'd leave this place for - the commissionership of the National Football League." And you know what? I really think that back then, he had a shot at it.
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Double-Wing Coach Sam Knopik, of Moberly, Missouri and his wife, Sarah are the proud parents of Emma Margareta, born Wednesday morning. Coach Knopik, a Nebraska guy, was at Nebraska's camp with some of his players, and when he got the news at 1 AM Wednesday that Sarah had gone into labor, he had to leave his players in Lincoln and drive six hours, arriving, as he put it, "in time for the big show." Sam's dad was able to drive the players back from camp. I personally think that he should have had his wife driven to Lincoln so Emma could be born a Cornhusker. Nevertheless, Coach Knopik tells me that Emma is "healthy and beautiful."
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"He showed no respect for the rule of law.... He showed no remorse... Repeated illegal actions were the result of decisions made at the highest level." Bill Clinton, right? Wrong. It's Bill Gates, as described by Mr. Clinton's hired hands.
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It wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you've got to love a guy who can draw on personal experience for his answer: "Your Trivia Play looks like a University of Michigan play from Coach Fritz Crisler back in the 40's. Unbalanced line with the Tailback Spinner handing to the FB with the WB helping to lead. We ran a similar play at Uconn in the 50's and we used the Michigan system and we called it 149. Paul White a former Michigan wingback was our backfield coach. Thanks for your web page and the great information you have on football and life. I believe that if you are going to be successful in coaching you have to be learning and improving every day as well as having good players and coaches to work with. Keep up the good work. I really appreciate all you do. Thanks": Bill Mignault - Ledyard, Connecticut (Coach Mignault, still going strong as an active high school head coach, wrote me several weeks ago to tell me that he'd played against Harry Agannis, the Golden Greek.)

The mystery play is KF-79, the famous play with which Columbia scored the game's only TD to upset Stanford in the 1934 Rose Bowl. (My source was Columbia coach Lou Little himself, in his 1935 book, "How to Watch Football.") The play took advantage of the Stanford DE's pinching down to shut off the wingback counter. The blocking back logged the DE (blocked him in) while the fullback, Al Barabas, hid the ball on his hip and slipped outside, naked, (without blockers) to score untouched.

June 8 - "Winning makes believers of us all." Paul Brown

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As kids growing up in the Germantown section of Philadelphia, we would occasionally see punch-drunk ex-fighters walking down the street, throwing punches at the air, lost in their own world as they sparred with God-knows-who. Those being less sensitive times, we laughed, and joked about people being "punchy." It was routine to say that a guy acted as if he'd "taken one too many punches." If he were an ex-football player who acted a little punchy, we'd say he acted as if he'd "walked out of one too many huddles." Reporters, now a very sensitive lot (at least until it comes time to make fun of Christians and Republicans), used to get a lot of chuckles writing that former President Ford, who had once captained Michigan's football team, had "played too much football without a helmet." Even now, in football, it is fairly common to make light of a head injury by saying that a player has "had his bell rung." Truth is, it's no laughing matter, as superstar athletes Steve Young, Troy Aikman and Eric Lindros will attest. Each has suffered numerous concussions. And if each seems to be growing increasingly concussion-prone, that's because he is. Neurologists say that once a person has suffered a concussion, he is four times as likely to suffer another one. Furthermore, the more concussions a person sustains, the less it takes to cause another one, and the longer it takes to recover from one. We now know - at least, we should know - that the old myth that it was all right to put a player back into a game - even after being knocked cold - so long as he could tell you how many fingers you held up is just that - a myth. The fact that a player may now be thinking clearly is no assurance that a fresh brain injury has not occured. The real danger in putting that player back in is that a second concussion, suffered before he has fully recovered from the first one, can lead to what is called second impact syndrome, which can result in permanent brain damage or even death. The American Academy of Neurology has established guidelines for coaches, classifying concussions into three grades, based on their severity. In the most severe grade, the athlete is out cold for a prolonged period of time. But any time an athlete who has "had his bell rung" loses consciousness, no matter how briefly, or experiences symptoms such as headache, amnesia, blurred vision or nausea that don't go away within 15 minutes, the academy recommends he be kept out of competition until there have been no signs of any symptoms for at least a week.

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I didn't know any human being had that kind of power: "Voting for Bush is the kiss of ecological and planetary death," wrote Michael Dorsey of the Sierra Club in a letter to the Portland Oregonian.
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SENDING IN THE PLAYS - PART V - The legendary and innovative Paul Brown, whose Cleveland Browns were the best team in football from the mid-1940's through the 1950's, had this to say on the subject of his then-radical idea of calling plays from the sideline, sending them in to the quarterback by way of "messenger guards", and the fact that his great quarterback, Otto Graham, sometimes had a tough time dealing with the criticism that because he didn't call his own plays, he was just a highly-skilled robot: "After he retired, Otto went through a period of being peppered with questions about having to work under the system, and he made some intemperate remarks for which he later was sorry. When he became head coach at the Coast Guard Academy, one of the first things he told me was, 'Now I know why you called the plays.' I know that Otto did not always like the system when he played for me, but he understood my reasons and appreciated the success. Winning makes believers of us all." From "PB: The Paul Brown Story" by Paul Brown with Jack Clary , 1979, Signet Books (Bear in mind that Coach Brown was considered radical and out on the edge - and not necessarily good for the game - because of his many innovations, including calling the plays for his quarterback. Today, pro coaches wouldn't even consider allowing their quarterbacks to call the plays, but Brown's system was derided - by coaches, fans, sportwriters and, of course, quarterbacks - because it took the initiative away from the quarterback, who, it was then commonly believed, had a "better feel for the game.")
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It depends on what the meaning of the word "false" is. "Many categories of responses which are misleading, evasive, nonresponsive or frustrating are not legally 'false.'" So said the Man From Hope's lawyers, attempting to explain away his mendacity (tendency to lie) to the disciplinary committee of the Arkansas Bar.
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Bad enough that we Americans are eating the wrong things; to compound the evil, we are super-sizing them. The average muffin is now 8 ounces, up from 1.5 ounces in 1957; the average fast-food hamburger is now six ounces, up from a little over an ounce; people are guzzling 32- and even 64-ounce "Big Gulps" of soda, while for decades the eight-ounce bottle of Coke defined what a serving was; the average serving of popcorn in a theatre is 16 cups, up from three in 1957. Why is this happening? Partly, says Dr. Adam Drewnowski, a nutrition researcher at the University of Washington, it's because in America, food is relatively inexpensive, so larger portions have become a major marketing lure for many restaurants. But also, he points out that there is a move to "giantism" in all aspects of our culture - houses, cars, TVs - as people have more money and buy showier things, "often without practical purpose." Finally, there is something about the American character: "Large portions fit the American idea of 'getting your money's worth.'"
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It'll happen to us all someday. Carm Cozza, writing about adjusting to retirement after 32 years as Yale's head coach, said. "One of the biggest joys (of retirement) was the opportunity to watch my grandson, Christopher, play Pop Warner football. I will always remember the first time I went to watch him play...Just before the game was to start, a young coach came up and asked me to run the first-down markers on the sidelines. Apparently, the officials who were supposed to work the chains hadn't shown up. I said, 'Sure, I'd be glad to.' A few minutes later, the guy came back and said, 'I'm sorry - I guess I should have asked you if you know anything about football.' I smiled and said, 'Yeah, a little bit.'"

TRIVIA QUESTIONS ANSWERED------->

(Who is the famous son?)

(Who is the famous dad?)

Providing the correct answer were: Steve Staker - Fredericksburg, Iowa; John Reardon - LaSalle, Illinois; Dennis Metzger - Connersville, Indiana; Adam Wesoloski - DePere, Wisconsin; Will Fields - Covington, Virginia (Voted "Most Creative" for an answer in maize type on a blue background and signed, "Go Blue!"); Keith Bacon, Northbrook, Illinois; Mike Ryan, St. Louis, Missouri; Scott Barnes, Parker, Colorado; Mark Kaczmarek, Davenport, Iowa; John Torres, Los Angeles; Don Davis, Danbury, Texas; Mike Foristiere, Boise, Idaho; Kevin McCullough, Lakeville, Indiana; Bert Ford - Karlskoga, Sweden; Joe Daniels, Sacramento; Tom Hensch - Staten Island, New York; Greg Laboissonniere- Coventry, Rhode Island; Tracy Jackson- Aurora, Oregon; Joe Bremer - West Seneca, New York

June 7 - "The biggest thing in high school coaching is time management." Bob Devaney

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It was heartening to learn that there are still plenty of football people who know who Tom Harmon was - and I don't mean as Mark Harmon's dad. Old Number 98 was truly the All-American boy. You really ought to find out more about him, and I've found the perfect place to go do it: The Detroit News has put together a wonderful photo album of all-time Michigan Wolverine great Tom Harmon.

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Ray Lewis is out and so is John Rocker. Lewis, much to the relief of Baltimore management and fans, is out of the dock, and free to return to the green playing fields of the NFL. I heard a Ravens' teammate mention the word "vindication," but that is not exactly true. Lewis copped a plea, proving that just as the police on the street are often outgunned by gangs with superior firepower, so are the people's lawyers - the prosecution - outmanned and outgunned by the lawyers these celebrities can afford (Can you say O.J?). Mr. Lewis agreed to plead guilty to a lesser charge - considerably lesser - than murder, in return for his testimony against a couple of his riding buddies. For his sin, reduced by the court from mortal to venial, he has received two years' probation. He is now free to return to being the "good family man" he was initially portrayed as, before videotape proved otherwise, and presumably his probation will not prevent him from attending next year's Super Bowl festivities in his full-length white fur coat. Rocker is also out. Of the major leagues, that is. For the time being, anyhow. Thanks to a lot of well-meaning advisors, he seemed to be keeping his mouth shut on his way to a sort of redemption (hey, Marv Albert's back, isn't he?), but now he may have totally blown it by coming close to doing what baseball players from time immemorial have wanted to do - punch out a sportswriter. We are told that in a dark, lonely stadium tunnel (Okay, okay. I made up the dark and lonely business. But it was a stadium tunnel.) he came upon the very Sports Illustrated reporter who wrote the story that got him in trouble in the first place. Angry words were supposedly exchanged (actually, it doesn't sound like it was much of an "exchange" in the strictest sense of the word, since evidently Rocker got in most of the words), something on the order of, "This isn't over between us," and "Do you know what I can do to you?" (I'm guessing he didn't mean "strike you out with men on base," but who knows?) Rocker even turned his cap around backwards, the better to get - literally - in the reporter's face. (Although it is possible that after his diversity training, he was merely going hip-hop on us, just one more step in his rehabilitation.) Anyhow, Rocker has now been banished to the minors, and our Sports Illustrated guy can breathe a little easier. That was a close call there in that tunnel. That was scary. What if it had been Ray Lewis?

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As of noon on D-Day, 59,501 people had responded to an AOL poll asking, "Do you think that today's generation has what it takes to fight and win a conflict like World War II?" The "NO" responses have been hovering around the 70 per cent mark. It's anybody's guess where the 30 per cent positive vote is coming from. Probably teenage boys taking time out from zapping bad guys on their Nintendos.
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At least now we know why the Redskins recently announced they'd have to charge people $10 a pop to watch pre-season practice. And $10 a car to park. And why they'll probably be passing the hat at those practices. They had to come up with $8 million to snare the Great Deion Sanders. An $8 million signing bonus! (I swear I heard him say, after he signed, "I don't play for the money." Right. And the check's in the mail.)

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SENDING IN THE PLAYS - PART IV - The legendary and innovative Paul Brown, whose Cleveland Browns were the best team in football from the mid-1940's through the 1950's, had this to say on the subject of his then-radical idea of calling plays from the sideline, sending them in to the quarterback by way of "messenger guards" - "The greatest myth about the system was that our quarterbacks were forbidden to change a play once it was sent in. That was totally false. Even if our quarterback came to the line of scrimmage with a play we had sent in, he always had the responsibility of calling an audible if he saw that the defensive alignment presented him with a better opportunity. In our early Browns seasons, we didn't need much of a checkoff system because we faced only two or three defenses each game, and we tried to have each play designed so that it could adjust to these minimal defenses. Our quarterbacks called out the defense at the line of scrimmage, and each player knew his assignment against it. In later years, as defenses became more sophisticated, our quarterbacks, in making 'check with me' calls at the line of scrimmage, had their options tailored in advance." From "PB: The Paul Brown Story" by Paul Brown with Jack Clary , 1979, Signet Books (Bear in mind that Coach Brown was considered radical and out on the edge - and not necessarily good for the game - because of his many innovations, including calling the plays for his quarterback. Today, pro coaches wouldn't even consider allowing their quarterbacks to call the plays, but Brown's system was derided - by coaches, fans, sportwriters and, of course, quarterbacks - because it took the initiative away from the quarterback, who, it was then commonly believed, had a "better feel for the game.")
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Myrna Armstrong, a registered nurse at Texas Tech Health Services Center in Lubbock, wrote in a report that Gauntket International, a chain of body-piercing salons based in California, claims that each of its 30 piercers performs as many as 1,500 piercings a year.
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Coach Charlie Jones, of Louisa County High, about 20 miles east of Charlottesville, Virginia, is a Double-Wing coach. He is losing his offensive coordinator, Mike "Doc" Dougherty, to a head coaching job of his own, and is looking for another Double-Wing guy to replace him. This sounds to me like a very good opportunity. I know Coach Jones. He is a good man and a good football man, and he is in the process of completing a major turnaround at Louisa County. I met him at my Birmingham clinic three years ago, when he was coaching in Alabama, and he spoke at my North Carolina clinic this past spring. Here's what he wrote: "I have a favor to ask. I am looking for an assistant head coach to take the place of Doc. I had my middle school HC lined up to move up but it looks like he will be promoted to a principal's job so I am stuck with a late opening. What I am looking for: Someone who is a FOOTBALL PERSON! I love my staff but almost all of them specialize in other sports so their attention is somewhat divided. The job description is Assistant Head Coach and it is more than a title, the right person will share many responsiblities of the HC. I take pride that in 7 years as a HC 2 guys in this position have moved into Head coaching jobs. I want somebody who wants to be a HC and I think I can help. Most of all I need a hard worker. It probably would require 3+ years of fulltime coaching/teaching experience. My Principal is determined to hire my "right hand" in our current PE opening. This is a great job for the right guy. We also have coaching spots and teaching spots in many other fields so it does not have to be PE. A 3rd year guy that picks up another sport or 2 can make the high 30's in our system." (A lot of guys say they want to be head coaches, but when an opportunity like this comes up, it turns out that what they really meant was they wanted a high school to be built across the street from where they live. It is pretty much a fact of life that unless you live in a large metro area, if you want to be a head coach, you have to be prepared to do a little movin' around.) e-mail Coach Jones

June 6 - "Believe me, Lang, the first twenty-four hours of the invasion will prove decisive... the fate of Germany depends on the outcome... for the Allies, as well as Germany, it will be the longest day." German Field Marshall Erwin Rommel, speaking to his aide in April, 1944

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Today is the 56th anniversary of the Allied invasion of Northern Europe - "the day," as Cornelius Ryan wrote in his 1959 book, "The Longest Day," "the battle began that ended Hitler's insane gamble to dominate the world." Sorry, but it is impossible for me to imagine large numbers of the "Why me?" Americans of today doing the incredible things that young Americans, Canadians and British unquestioningly did on that day - in that war - because somebody had to do them. It is because of his role in masterminding the so-called D-Day Invasion, among other things, that Dwight D. Eisenhower is high on my list of Greatest Americans. Any football coach who has ever had to get a team ready for the opening game will identify immediately with General Eisenhower and the problems he faced in coordinating all the various factors - manpower, transportation, supplies, intelligence, weather - with a deadline, trying to keep a lid of semi-secrecy on the largest massing of armed forces the world has ever seen, and all the while having to massage the competing egoes of people on his own staff.

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Counselor alert. If the place where you live is anything like the Pacific Northwest, any time something scary happens in or near a school, they bus in the counselors to talk to the kiddies. In fact, that's the first thing the school muckety-mucks let the public know at such times, reassuring us that they are doing everything they possibly can to limit collateral damage. Now, I know some of you are counselors, but without trying to minimize your importance or your usefulness, I do think that there are limits to what you can - or should - do, and I do find it somewhat ironic that the secular humanists of education have removed any signs of religion and clergy but have still found it necessary to provide something - counselors - in their place. I also think that busing in the counselors at the slightest provocation - like when a dog nearly gets hit by a car in front of the school - either implies that our kids can't deal with tough times, or goes even further in helping reinforce in them the belief that they can't tough it out. And shouldn't be expected to. (Imagine them landing at Normandy.) Now, just to the southwest of me, across the Columbia, is Portland, Oregon, which runs neck-and-neck with San Francisco for touchy-feely capital of the Free World. There is only thing that otherwise laid-back Portlanders allow themselves to become passionate about - the Portland Trail Blazers. And their Trail Blazers went and - sniff - blew a 15-point fourth-quarter lead in the seventh game of the NBA West finals Sunday. They just knew their Blazers would win. Their disc jockeys and TV sports guys as good as guaranteed it. You talk about traumatic. This calls for emergency action. Surely President Clinton could fly in to reassure the residents of the Rose City that everything is going to be all right. And that he is calling on Congress to put aside its partisan differences and provide $5 billion to fly in counselors from around the country. To tell the children - er, Blazers' fans - that this, too, shall pass.

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SENDING IN THE PLAYS - PART III - The legendary and innovative Paul Brown, whose Cleveland Browns were the best team in football from the mid-1940's through the 1950's, had this to say on the subject of his then-radical idea of calling plays from the sideline, sending them in to the quarterback by way of "messenger guards" - "After every play we knew exactly why it had succeeded or failed and if it remained viable for our game plan. A quarterback not seeing all this might abandon an unsuccessful play when only a few adjustments might be needed to make it work, another reason why I preferred to call the plays. I knew just how little a quarterback saw of the overall defensive action once he handed off the ball or was buried by a tackler. In our final game in 1959 in Philadelphia we had a first down on the Eagles' five-yard line. The play called for Jim Brown to run up the middle, but he was stopped for no gain. In our coaches' booth, Fritz Heisler and Howard Brinker noted that our quarterback, Milt Plum, had not called the Eagles' defense properly, and they told us to use the same play, but to tell Plum to check the defense. He did so the second time, which changed the blocking patterns, and Jim ran into the end zone without being touched. Another quarterback, calling his own plays, probably would have given up on that one." From "PB: The Paul Brown Story" by Paul Brown with Jack Clary , 1979, Signet Books (Bear in mind that Coach Brown was considered radical and out on the edge - and not necessarily good for the game - because of his many innovations, including calling the plays for his quarterback. Today, pro coaches wouldn't even consider allowing their quarterbacks to call the plays, but Brown's system was derided - by coaches, fans, sportwriters and, of course, quarterbacks - because it took the initiative away from the quarterback, who, it was then commonly believed, had a "better feel for the game.")

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I am somewhat familiar with Washougal, Washington High School, having coached its football team. Washougal High has just gone through the throes of replacing principal Ed Fitts, who announced his retirement earlier this year. The field of candidates to replace Ed, a former football coach himself and a great guy, was first narrowed down to six, then to two, one of them an "outsider," and the other the current assistant principal. The job was finally offered to the outsider, a person with impressive credentials. But three of next year's seniors, who had attended a "Meet the Candidates" night held by the school board and then took exception the board's selection, circulated a petition signed by more than half the school's student body, asking the board to reconsider. At the same time, a similar petition was submitted to the board by 14 teachers. The board held firm, but good luck to the new principal working with people like that. (The assistant principal, who denied any involvement in the petitions, was no doubt disappointed, and told the local paper she wasn't sure whether she'd stay on to assist the new principal.) What really got my attention as I read the newspaper article was a comment by one of the student petitioners. He told the newspaper that there should have been student input in the decision, because "We're the final customers." Time out. Uh, actually fella, as long as you're going to use the business model, let me clear something up: students are not the "final customers." Neither, although you'd never know it from the way administrators suck up to them, are their parents. Customers, by definition, are purchasors - those who pay for the product or service. That would mean, then, that the customers of public schools are the taxpayers, the ones who pay for the product. It would be helpful to all concerned if educators would try to remember that occasionally. (Parents, of course, to the extent that they are taxpayers, too, are among the customers, but by no means the only ones.) The students, to carry the analogy further, are the product that the taxpayers are paying for. Somehow, I don't see the people at General Motors, who do care a lot about what customers think, asking the cars for their input.

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"A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until a majority of voters discover that they can vote themselves largess (generous gifts) out of the public treasury." Alexander Tytler, Scottish historian.

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From a coach in California..."Please don't show the "Outcome Based Football" to anyone in our district office. I don't know about your area, but that is exactly the way people think around here. A couple of years ago I had a parent pull her son off of the team because he didn't get to play in the first game of the year. She even went to our administration and the school board to complain. Of course, she has no idea that being part of the team, no matter how little playing time he got, would have been more valuable to her son than quitting."

June 5 - "When you're winning, you don't need any friends. When you're losing, you don't have any friends" Woody Hayes

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SENDING IN THE PLAYS - PART III - The legendary and innovative Paul Brown, whose Cleveland Browns were the best team in football from the mid-1940's through the 1950's, had this to say on the subject of his then-radical idea of calling plays from the sideline, sending them in to the quarterback by way of "messenger guards" - "Contrary to common knowledge, I did not call every play on my own - in fact, the key to this system was the information that came from our assistant coaches in the press box and in the end zone. When a play was sent in, everyone knew what it was and what to look for. For example, if we sent in a trap play, the end coach watched the tight end's block on a linebacker; the guard coach watched the guard's trap block, the coach in the end zone looked at the line spacing and double-team block to see if they were effective, and I watched the point of attack to judgs that play's effectiveness. On a pass, the line coach watched the pass blocking to see where any breakdowns occured, and why, the end and the backfield coaches watched the progress of the play and how well the quarterback followed the progression of receivers and I watched the overall pattern." From "PB: The Paul Brown Story" by Paul Brown with Jack Clary , 1979, Signet Books (Bear in mind that Coach Brown was considered radical and out on the edgeand - and not necessarily good for the game - because of his many innovations, including calling the plays for his quarterback. Today, pro coaches wouldn't even consider allowing their quarterbacks to call the plays, but Brown's system was derided - by coaches, fans, sportwriters and, of course, quarterbacks - because it took the initiative away from the quarterback, who, it was then commonly believed, had a "better feel for the game." )

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Leslie Shorb graduated with her class. You may remember her. She was the sweet little innocent high school girl in Powers, Oregon who just as a prank took a post-PE shower in the boys' locker room - with five male classmates. As her punishment, she was stripped (sorry - couldn't pass up the chance) of her role as valedictorian, but she was allowed to graduate with her class. When interviewed after graduation by the news media, she seemed uncertain as to her future plans. My son-in-law, a former submariner, suggests that if (when?) the Navy finally decides to put women on submarines, it could save a whole lot of money and space it would otherwise have to devote to providing separate quarters for women if it would just recruit Leslie Shorb and others like her. It would probably make it easier to recruit guys for underwater service, too.

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Malik Sealy of the Minnesota Timberwolves must really have been some guy. It's been almost two weeks since he was killed in a head-on collision with a drunk driver, and in the days following his death, all sorts of people paid tribute to him - great person, good man to have on your team, etc., etc. I didn't know much about him, but I sure was impressed by what I read. What impressed me the most, though, considering the almost unbelievable selfishness of today's pro athletes, was that every single one of his teammates took time out to attend his funeral in New York.

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Don't know if you've ever heard of Anne Graham Lotz, but she is quite a woman. Quite a preacher, too. I saw her recently on a Promise Keepers video and I liked the things she had to say and the way she said them. Her daddy says she's the best preacher in the family, and that's saying something - he's the Reverend Billy Graham. Which reminds me - there is going to be a Billy Graham TV special sometime this week on a non-network channel (hard to get Christian-based shows on the major networks these days - they're so busy being "fair" and "non-judgmental" and "tolerant of diverse views.")

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In case you didn't notice, the kid who won the National Spelling Bee also came in second in last week's National Geography Bee. He's home-schooled. So were the kids who finished second and third. No doubt the education establishment will offer some lame excuse - something like, "if we wanted to teach spelling, our kids would do well, too." My point precisely.
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The more we hear about all the wonderful changes brought about in women's sports by Title IX, the more we have to wonder how much has really changed from the days when glamour ruled women's sports. Tennis heart-throb Anna Kournikova has yet to win a major tournament, but she is blonde and leggy and somewhat photgenic, and she has been playing NHL stars Sergei Federov and Pavel Bure off against one another. So there she is, on the cover of this week's Sports Illustrated and all over several of its pages, clearly a triumph of looks over talent. Although she has yet to strip down to her bra to celebrate a win, look for her soon in ads for Berlei sports bras. They'll feature the oh-so clever line, "Only the ball should bounce." I get it. Cute.

June 2 - "Freedom is not free." Inscription on the Korean War Memorial, Washington, D.C.
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More Class Reunion News: One of my classmates, Duncan Alling, spent a career in education, mostly in private schools, and mostly as a headmaster. Like me, he got into teaching because he wanted to coach, and then one thing led to another and it becamehis life's work. But interestingly, in more than 20 years as a headmaster, he managed to teach at least one class a year. That illustrated what I consider to be the biggest single problem in American public education - the incredible disconnect between the people on the front lines - teachers, and sometimes principals - and the educational bureaucrats who sit in their offfices constructing hoops for the teachers to jump through. Far too many of the people who rise through the educational bureacracy to become the policymakers are people who spent a couple of years teaching, and then bailed - they disliked teaching, and saw administration as their way to get out of the classroom without having to give up the bennies and the security of public education. Just like the Pentagon types who work their way to the top in the military bureaucracy by being the polar opposite of the warrior class they direct, the thing these educrats are most skilled at is surviving in a bureacracy; they figure out very early in the game that the best way to do that is to polish their own image, curry favor with the people above them, stay as far as possible from the front lines, speak in a jargon known only to other bureaucrats, and never - ever - make a decision that can be traced to them.
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As an old Yalie, I don't usually have a lot of interest in reading letters in a Princeton alumni magazine (we despised each other), but Jim Kuhn, a coach in Greeley, Colorado, was kind enough to put me onto these nostalgic appeals for a return to "Princeton football." Boy, talk about devotion to a cause! Single Wingers will understand.

"How can 50 years of Princeton football devolve from a buck-lateral offense, where few spectators could follow who had the ball, to a single back formation where everybody knows who has the ball - particularly the defense. Tight ends appear to block, seldom to receive, until long yardage. Princeton from the stands looks like a frantic amateur touch football team with each play a crisis calling for a new someone to orchestrate a "hail Mary" play. There is no quiet calm or invincibility as team and spectators participate in the orderly decimation of a proud opponent. Leaving the stadium, my heart goes out to the players as I remember Charlie Caldwell '25 and envisage what could have been if there were now a thing called "Princeton Football." Let's find a creative coach whose love is offense through innovation and deception based on a dozen basic plays that will define Princeton football. Then spectators can be proud - win, lose, or tie." - Charles F. Huber II '51 - New York, N.Y.

"Princeton made a serious error in judgment in the late '60s when it gave up the single wing. All you really need to have is a good center who can snap the ball three yards with accuracy. The single wing was a great tradition that defined Princeton football. It gave us a tremendous advantage over our opponents, and it is virtually impossible for any school to prepare in one week to face a single-wing offense. This will go a long way to regenerating interest in Princeton football and putting some fannies in the seats at the new stadium. Right now, we are just a "me too" T-formation football team." - Jack Singer '65 - Phoenix, Ariz.

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"In reply to our friend Scott Barnes' note about the WW II vets. We don't need anyone to fill their places and be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. The modern answer to communism and Chinese aggression is to learn to speak Chinese, so our great grandchildren will know when coffee break time is in the sweat shops." Frank Simonsen, Cape May, New Jersey
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Watch for soccer helmets, coming to a store near you. Concerned about injuries to their own kids, alarmed by studies showing that playing soccer can result in head injuries, and frustrated at being unable to find soccer helmets anywhere, several different "soccer dads" have begun to produce competing types of soccer headgear. One has produced a supposedly shock-absorbing headband. (Soccer, officially classified in 1988 as a contact sport by the Consumer Product Safety Commission, is the only contact sport not to require helmets.) Image-conscious soccer officials, concerned that the use of helmets might cause the public to perceive soccer as being more dangerous than it is, think the dads may be overreacting. John Powell, a Michigan State athletic trainer and a professor of kinesiology, thinks that the helmets probably won't make a lot of difference. He says that there are too many variables involved in a concussion. "A protective headband may give you piece of mind," he told USA Today. "It won't do anything for whiplash, which can cause brain trauma, and won't affect the integrity of a person's brain tissue. Let's not sell 8 million of these and then find out they are bad for the neck or something." The various forms of soccer headgear range in price from $14.95 to $29.95. For now. But that's just because none of the manufacturers has been sued yet. Just wait till the plaintiffs' lawyers get the soccer helmet manufacturers in front of an American jury, and the next thing you know, soccer helmets will be as expensive as football helmets are now, and there will be only two manufacturers left making soccer helmets.
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SENDING IN THE PLAYS - PART II - The legendary and innovative Paul Brown, whose Cleveland Browns were the best team in football from the mid-1940's through the 1950's, on his then-radical idea of calling plays from the sideline, sending them in to the quarterback by way of "messenger guards," had this to say - "All this had nothing to do with questioning my quarterbacks' intelligence, nor was I ever worried about building character and intiative, two other criticisms that were tossed at us. I cared about winning games - period - and I stand on that record. We were a team, coaches and players together, and if we won, that's all that mattered. If we lost, then we went down together, and I never respected any quarterback who felt the system kept him from looking like a great leader. A quarterback is an important cog in the machine, but still a cog, and I wanted to give him all the help possible. I knew no quarterback ever worked as hard preparing for a game as our coaching staff did." From "PB: The Paul Brown Story" by Paul Brown with Jack Clary , 1979, Signet Books
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"Coach Wyatt, I went to your site last week and I read your review of the Apple iMac DV. I have read many video reviews and I found yours to be very easy to understand and to the point. I currently have a Canon Zr digital camcorder and I was looking for a new computer. You are right, it doesn't make sense to try and add features to your existing computer when you want to build an editing system. It is expensive and the results are not always as claimed. I tried to hook my pc up with a video card and software and it didn't work. On your advice I bought a new iMac DV Special Edition on Sat. Within ten minutes I was editing my very first movie! I spent a total of fifteen hours straight editing my many movies! Thanks for a good article!" Rodney McPherson, President - Yendor Design Limited - Columbia, Maryland
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More class reunion notes: At dinner Saturday night, we were entertained and enlightened by a distinguished Yale professor of psychology. He was knowledgeable, he was enthusiastic, he was witty, he was organized. It was especially exciting to me, a teacher, because I hadn't heard a "big-league" lecture in years, and it reinforced my long-held - and increasingly lonely - belief that lecture still works. It also illustrated a major reason why a large percentage of thinking Americans believes public schools are wasting taxpayers' money. One of the reasons why I despise the high priests of public education who have siezed control of American educational thought (now, there's an oxymoron for you) is the way they have actively worked to discredit lecture as a valid means of teaching. They give all manner of reasons why lecture supposedly doesn't work - always leading off with the short attention spans of kids - but what they're really doing is covering for the crummy job "schools of education" (another oxymoron) do in turning out teachers who either don't know their material or can't stand up and deliver it. So now, in place of lectures, students are given all sorts of "discover for yourself" or "learn on your own" projects, while the teacher stands by and serves as a coordinator or, as the priesthood likes to call it, "facilitator." But, here was a star of the Yale faculty addressing an assembly of rather intelligent people, men who had spent long, productive working lives making important decisions (most of them far more important on the global scale than the ones I've had to make on the goal line). And he was lecturing to them! Now, if ever there was a class that could have been broken into small groups and sat down at tables and allowed to work things out for themselves while the teacher wandered the room and "facilitated," this was it. (No discipline problems, for sure.) But he didn't do that! He didn't leave it to us to "learn by discovery" what it was that he wanted us to learn. No. You know what he did? He told us! He (gasp!) lectured! He believed he had something important and interesting to say (you could tell that from his enthusiasm) and he wanted us to hear it - so he said it to us! He lectured! (Are you listening, all you bureaucrats with your doctorates of education?) And you know what? We weren't bored! In fact, we were spell-bound. And we learned! He made us think. We talked long afterwards about what he'd said. Sure, we also learned things from each other in our discussions - but only after we had learned from him! He was the expert, and we were there to learn from him. You see, this way of learning had never been trashed by this audience - lawyers, doctors, government officials, professors, business executives. They'd never been exposed to the doctors of education, and consequently, they hadn't been told that lecture doesn't work. They wouldn't have believed it, anyhow, because they'd all been advancing professionally by being smart enough to realize that there is always someone smarter - and that if you want to learn more about something, you go to that person - the expert. And that is what I, educational dinosaur that I am, always thought a teacher was supposed to be - the expert. Fortunately, the Pooh Bahs of educational reform don't know where the football field is, and don't consider football to be educational anyhow, so they've left us alone. And so in football, the coach remains the expert. And the coach still lectures. And when the coach wants to learn more about a subject, he does the same thing successful lawyers, doctors and business people do - he goes to someone who knows more about the subject than he does - an expert. And listens to him. Why don't I know of any successful coaches who do what educators say teachers should do - who hand out scouting reports, then sit their players down in small groups and ask them to come up with this week's game plan?
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SENDING IN THE PLAYS - PART I - The legendary and innovative Paul Brown, whose Cleveland Browns were the best team in football from the mid-1940's through the 1950's, on his then-radical idea of calling plays from the sideline, sending them in to the quarterback by way of "messenger guards," had this to say - "The one area of our football that drew a special amount of public attention was our play-calling and the use of messenger guards to shuttle the plays to our quarterbacks. On the basis of the number of victories and championships we won, it was a sound and very successful system, and today (1979) most of the NFL's coaches use it. Back then, though, we wre belittled, and our quarterbacks, especially Otto Graham, ridiculed for being something less than complete players. Much of this nonsense was based on ignorance, deliberate or otherwise, of how our play-calling system really worked and on sour grapes over our great successes. I know some coaches really wanted to adopt it but shied away at the time because they did not want to assume the responsibility. Others, because of their non-quarterback background, did not feel qualified, Ironically, I never understood why there was no criticism of defensive signals' being called from the sidelines. This was a common practice for most teams for many years." From "PB: The Paul Brown Story" by Paul Brown with Jack Clary , 1979, Signet Books
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Here I was almost sympathizing with Nike because of all those whining punks in Eugene holding this corporate giant responsible for every sweatshop abuse in every Third World country... And then the young zealots responsible for marketing the Nike swoosh went right back to their old pattern of using sports to advance their liberal, politically-correct social causes. Acting as if none of them has taken Economic 101, Nike's marketing geniuses are currently inflaming the feminists and the ignorant (same thing, you say?) with their "Mrs. Jones" campaign, in which a rather surly Mrs. Jones - who I would imagine out-earns most of us by a factor of at least 10 - demands to know why "our sisters" (pro women athletes) are "making less."

"All right, suckers... Ears up... Minds open... Mrs. Jones is transmittin'....

"Why are our sisters makin' less, when they're bustin' their butts to the max?

"I'm speakin' of pro women athletes... Are they playin' any less hard than the fellas?

"Is their blood any less red?

"Whether it's tennis, track or hoops, their sacrifice is the same.

"Yet women receive less.

"They deserve more.

"The more, the better.

"Free your mind and your game will follow.

"Can you dig it?"

Excuse me, Mrs. Jones, but cut the crap... I can't believe an intelligent woman wouldn't already know the answers to those stupid questions you were paid to ask, but here goes anyhow: with rare exceptions - the Olympics, which only come around every four years and only last a week or so, and a couple of major tennis events in which there is both a men's and a women's tournament - there is simply not enough interest in women's professional sports to justify paying women as much as male professional athletes. It has nothing to do with busting butts, bleeding red blood or sacrificing. It has everything to do with putting fannies in the seats. Economics 101 again - Can you dig it? (You do, by the way, have my standing offer to march with you any time you want to crusade for lowering the pay of male professional athletes. "The less, the better," I like to say. You are right about one thing - if we buy that garbage Nike asked you to read to us, we are suckers.)
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The Washington Redskins have announced the relocation of their training camp, from Frostburg State, 90 miles away in the mountains of Western Maryland, to their suburban Washington practice site in Northern Virginia. But not so more of their fans can get to see them practice. Don't be ridiculous.. So more of their fans can pay to see them practice. In a classic demonstration of the Yiddish word chutzpah (the sort of brazenness that prompts a guy who's murdered his parents to ask the court for mercy because he's an orphan), fans over 12 will be charged $10 to watch training camp practice sessions. Plus another $10 to park. No doubt there will be overpriced, officially-licensed NFL souvenirs on sale, too. And considering the remote location of the 'Skins' training camp site, how much you wanna bet they won't be charging airport prices for watered-down Cokes and tepid hot dogs? Figure out what that'll cost Mom and Dad and Tommy and Tammy. Just to watch a bunch of guys run drills while a dozen of them sit on the sidelines riding stationary bikes. Not wanting to neglect the NFL fans of the future - and not leaving any stone unturned - the Redskins will also provide "interactive games" for the kids (sounds suspiciously like an arcade to me) based on some "NFL Experience" theme. (Probably another way for kids to get a virtual football fix, without having to roll around on the ground or break a sweat. Something like the way they think wars are fought.) Can luxury suites and valet parking be far behind? Why are the Redskins, who already have the highest average ticket prices in the NFL, doing such a greedy thing? For the same reason dogs lick themselves- because they can.
May 31 - "The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you still have to cut it." Dr. James Dobson, "Focus on the Family"
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More Reunion Stuff: At my recent class reunion in New Haven, I had a chance to listen to Yale Coach Jack Siedlecki talk about Ivy League football in general and Yale football in particular. Coach Siedlecki is at the top of his game, having delivered, in his third year at New Haven, the turnaround he was hired for: following a one-point loss in last season's opener, the Blue ran off nine straight, including season-ending wins over arch-foes Princeton and Harvard, to finish 9-1. (The year before he was hired, Yale was 1-9.) He is an advocate of throwing the ball, pointing out that going into last year's final game, Harvard ranked in the nation's top 10 in defense against the rush. "That's great," he said. "But we didn't run it against them." Instead, Yale's QB Joe Walland threw 67 times - including 53 straight in the second half - and completed 42 for 473 yards to lead a great come-from-behind win. Coach Siedlecki said the biggest changes that have happened recently in the Ivy League both involve recruiting: number one, it is so tough to find kids who can meet Yale's admissions standards and play football, too that it is essential to recruit nationally (this year's 30 incoming freshmen represented 19 different states; the state with the most players on this year's Yale roster is now California, with 16); and number two, greatly affecting Yale and its "highly motivated" alumni , is the total elimination of any alumni involvement. Coach Siedlecki was enthusiastic about his improved ability to recruit, now that a facilities improvement program had taken Yale's weight room from "worst to first" in the Ivy League. He admitted that his biggest recruiting disadvantage is the negative perception - he stressed the word "perception" - of the city of New Haven, used extensively against Yale by its competitors. Yale sits in the middle of the city, and New Haven, a once-proud industrial city, has gone through some hard times. But Coach Siedlecki emphasizes that it is perception and perception only - "If we can get good players to visit here - they'll come," he says. I asked Coach Siedlecki his opinion of the Ivy League's refusal to take part in the Division I-AA playoffs, and he said that the league's coaches generally are in favor of the playoffs. But the last time the League presidents voted on the issue, the vote was 5-3 in favor (it takes six in favor to approve). He did point out, though, that Yale's - and presumably Harvard's - athletic director is opposed to anything that might diminish the importance of the season-ending Yale-Harvard game, which last year drew 53,000 to Yale Bowl. (Crowds as large as 70,000 were common in the 50's and 60's, but 53,000 at an Ivy League game now is colossal.) Coach Siedlecki mentioned also that he is privileged to serve on the American Football Coaches Association's ethics committee, which is called on from time to time to deal with accusations of ethical infractions against its own members. "One of the great things about the AFCA, " he said (and one of the reasons, I would submit, why for the most part football coaches don't suffer from the sleazy reputations of some of their basketball counterparts), "is that we try to deal with things before they get to the NCAA."

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"Coach Wyatt, Thanks for the story! (About my friend Matt Freeman, whose son played football at Franklin and Marshall for Coach Tom Gilburg.) F&M is practically in my back yard. My head high school coach was like that too! (Very Caring!) Especially when my mother passed away a few years ago. Even though I still technically have a father, this guy I consider to be my "real" father. My biological father could care less. There is a similar story about a similar situation with the Head Basketball coach at Utah (Rick Majerus) and Keith Van Horn, who now plays for the New Jersey Nets. Have you heard that story?" Mike Lane, Avon Grove, Pennsylvania (As a matter of fact, I haven't heard the story. Can anybody put me onto it? HW)

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A football coach said that? Perhaps you have heard the term "Machiavellian," (MACK-ee-uh-VELL'-ee-yun). It means using whatever means are necessary - cunning, trickery, guile, ruthlessness - to stay in power. Morality is not a consideration. The term comes from Niccolo Machiavelli, whose book, "The Prince," written in 1513, was possibly the first book ever written specifically for managers. Or coaches. Except that there were no "managers" or "coaches" when he wrote it. Only princes. His "how to" book was directed at those who would rule people, and suggested what a "prince" ought to do to remain in power and strengthen his rule - essentially, anything. His philosophy, understandably, is not popular with anyone who is not a prince or in a similar position of leadership - meaning most people. Certainly, he is in no danger of being called Politically Correct. His writing has been widely derided, and, in fact, he himself has been called the Devil Incarnate - possibly because he was the first to put into writing certain truths that make idealists very uncomfortable in their idealism. His writing is nearly 500 years old, but try reading the following selection from "The Prince," and see if you don't find in it a fundamental question facing a modern-day manager, coach, politician, military leader, teacher, parent: "Upon this a question arises: whether it is better to be loved than feared or feared than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved when, of the two, either must be dispensed with. Because this is to be asserted in general of men, that they are ungrateful, fickle, false, cowardly, covetous, and as long as you succeed, they are yours entirely; they will offer you their blood, property, life and children, as is said above, when the need is far distant; but when it approaches, they turn against you. And that prince who, relying entirely on their promises, has neglected other precautions, is ruined; because friendships that are obtained by payments, and not by greatness or nobility of mind, may indeed be earned, but they are not secured, and in time of need cannot be relied upon; and men have less scruple in offending one who is beloved than one who is feared, for love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails." Got that? Bring this up in the faculty room and see if they ever look at you the same way again.

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"First and foremost, what I have learned is that a coach must be a teacher. I was able to learn this from a person who I truly believe to be one of the best coaches and teachers ever: Rip Engle. Rip would never let us put in more than the kids could handle. He was constantly evaluating the assistants to determine how much new material they were putting in, and how quickly the kids were comprehending it." Joe Paterno

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For the past three years, in honor of Dr, Martin Luther King, Jr., Michigan has held a "Kindest Kid" competition during a two-week period in January. This year, 139,440 kids took part, and the winner was Leslie Trimble, a freshman at Chesaning High School."It wasn't hard at all," she told the Detroit News. "You just did the little things that made a difference. I helped my mom do the dishes and the laundry and defended people who got picked on."

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Wow! Talk about loyal readers! It was just a high school baseball game on the radio, but...

Thanks to Coach Greg Laboissonniere, from Coventry, Rhode Island and Coach Luke Hardiman, from North Kingstown, Rhode Island, for helping me solve the mystery of the fading high school baseball broadcast which I described yesterday.

Coach Laboissonniere wrote, "Read your article on RI baseball and I found the scoop you were looking for!!" He then supplied the inning-by-inning results of the game whose ending I'd missed:

Westerly
3 1 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6
11 6 4

Rogers
2 0 2 0 0 0 1 0 0 1
6 8 4

Coach Hardiman followed up with this: "Hi Coach, I don't know what happened in extra innings during the game you were listening to....but I do know Westerly won the series....found this for ya: WESTERLY 10, ROGERS 2: Sam Fusaro went 2-for-3 with a three-run homer and scored three runs, while Nick Anderson went 2-for-4 with two RBI and two runs scored as the Bulldogs captured Game 3 of the best-of-three Class B playoff series yesterday at Newport."

May 30 - "If I have any philosophy of this wonderful sport, it is this: Pride is what causes a winning team performance." Darrell Royal
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More Class Reunion News (Get Used to it): It took me a little while to locate Matt Freeman, because the last time I saw him - 40 years ago - he had a buzz cut, and now his hair is stylishly longer; and like me, he now wears glasses. Matt was the captain of our 1959 team, and a heck of a football player. He loved the game - still does. I always liked him and admired him, and over the years, after I became a coach myself, my admiration for him grew, because while I must now admit to having been something of a screw-off back in college, Matt was a 100 per center, who never gave less than his all. In the process of bringing each other up to date on what had happened over the years, Matt told me about his son, who played football at Franklin and Marshall, a small Division III school in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Matt was really impressed with the coach there, Tom Gilburg, who played at Syracuse and with the Baltimore Colts. In fact, he said he became so impressed with Coach Gilburg during the "recruiting" process - such as it is in Division III - that after having sat off to the side and listened to him interviewing his son, when Coach Gilburg turned to him and asked if he, as the dad, had any questions he wanted to ask, all Matt could think of to ask was, "Yeah, coach. How long do you plan on staying here?" His son played four years at F & M, and Matt said his initial assessment of the coach proved to be accurate - that no other member of the faculty came close to having the influence on his son that Coach Gilburg did, and what Matt said he'll never forget was how, following the death of his wife while his son was away at college, Coach Gilburg quite unexpectedly showed up at the Freeman home in Connecticut, to lend his support and offer to do whatever he could for the family.
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As my wife and I meandered leisurely along the Rhode Island shoreline last week, we searched for a radio station to listen to, and happened on the broadcast of a high school baseball game between Rogers High of Newport, and visiting Westerly High. Ordinarily, I can't think of too many things I would be less interested in than listening on the radio to a high school baseball game between two teams I don't know a thing about, but something about this one started to grab us as it went along. Maybe it was the announcing, which was colorful and surprisingly professional. Anyhow, this was evidently the second game of a best-of-three state playoff series, with Rogers having won the game the day before in 13 innings. After trading leads throughout the game, the teams headed into the bottom of the seventh with Westerly leading 5-4. The Westerly coach decided to pull his pitcher, who had done a great job to that point, and replace him with a fireballer who had only pitched 17 innings all season but had struck out 35 batters. The radio reception was getting bad as we got farther from Newport, so we pulled over to the side of the road to listen. The Westerly strategy sounded brilliant when the new pitcher struck out the first two batters, but one strike away from the game-winning out and with a 3-2 count on him, the Rogers batter hit a short fly to right. Sounded like one of those "I got it - You take it" deals, though, because the ball dropped in, and when the fielders finally located the ball and made a play, the runner was on third. The next batter was hit by a pitch. Now, down a run with runners on first and third and two out, the Rogers batter hit a long ball to deep right center, between the outfielders. The man on third, naturally, scored easily, and the man who'd been on first was waved home. As the ball was thrown in, he started his head-first slide - a little too soon, as it turned out, because he came to a dead stop far from the plate, stalled right in front of the startled catcher, who had only to reach down and tag him out. Extra innings - for the second day in a row. We had to get back on our way, and after a scoreless eighth, the teams headed into the ninth still tied - which is where we lost the $%#@! signal. We're dying to know what happened. If anybody out there knows, will he/she please e-mail me?
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It's probably just a coincidence, but the teams with the four highest payrolls in the NBA happen to be the four still playing. The Portland Trail Blazers, with the wealthiest owner in professional sports, lead the NBA in one category - payroll - but they seem unusually sensitive to being called "the best team money can buy." See if you can follow the logic in Blazers' President Bob Whitsitt's denial: "The reality is we didn't buy a team. We had to acquire a team (isn't that the same thing, Bob?), and the only guys we bought were free agents." Uh, Bob, I think that's because they were the only ones you could buy - er, acquire.
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In the second week of this year's Texas high school season, when Anahuac High plays Kirbyville, something's got to give. Unless one or both win their openers, Anahuac will put its 21-game losing streak on the line against Kirbyville's 22-game losing streak. The state's longest current losing streak is held by Whitney, which hasn't won in 25 games.
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Another out-of-control Nebraska football player. This time, it's quarterback Eric Crouch, who made a campaign appearance a few weeks ago on behalf of a friend who is a candidate for the University of Nebraska Board of Regents. To get there, he accepted a plane ride worth $13.41 (now, how did they arrive at that figure?), and then, at the home of a friend of the candidate, he "accepted" (and presumably ate) a ham sandwich said to be worth exactly $4. The NCAA is investigating. What the %$#@& is the matter with the NCAA, anyhow? While campus activists hold universities hostage to one radical liberal cause after another, let a football player get involved in a political campaign and it's time to start working on the hangman's noose - especially if it's one of those Nebraska Cornhuskers. In view of the severity of the offense here, there is no telling what kind of penalty the NCAA will assess. I'm guessing loss of eligibility for Crouch for at least a season, forfeiture of ten football scholarships next year, and no television games or bowl appearances for the Cornhuskers for an entire year.
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"I had this big kid back in Montana and his mother would always say, 'Don't hit that little kid, you bully.' That's all those big kids hear. That's why they end up playing the tuba in the band." Jim Sweeney, former coach at Washington State and Fresno State

May 29 -MEMORIAL DAY "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." Nathan Hale, Yale class of 1773
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If you haven't already done so, Memorial Day would be a good time to read my story about Don Holleder. If you've already read it - read it again.
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Nile Kinnick is considered the greatest football player in the history of the University of Iowa. He was the star of the 1939 Hawkeyes team that went 6-1-1, including an upset of Notre Dame. He made every All-America team at season's end, and also won the Walter Camp and Maxwell awards as the nation's top player. He was senior class president and the president of the Iowa chapter of Phi Beta Kappa, the prestigious college honor society.
Oh, yes - he also won the 1939 Heisman Trophy. Accepting the award, he ended his speech by saying: "Finally, if you will permit me, I'd like to make a comment which, in my mind, is indicative, perhaps, of the greater significance of football and sports emphasis in general in this country. And that is, I thank God I was warring on the gridirons of the Midwest, and not on the battlefields of Europe. I can speak confidently and positively that the players of this country would much more, much rather struggle and fight to win the Heisman award than the Croix de Guerre. Thank you."
On June 2, 1943, while on a training flight in the Caribbean, U.S. Navy Ensign Nile Kinnick was killed when his plane crashed. He is one of only two Hawkeyes (the late Calvin Jones is the other) to have had his jersey number retired, and in 1972, The University of Iowa's stadium was named NIle Kinnick Stadium in his honor.
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The only NFL player to die in Vietnam was Bob Kalsu, a guard from Oklahoma who spent one season (1968) with the Bills, starting several games as a rookie. He was killed in action in 1970 while serving as an officer in the Army.
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My wife and I just returned from spending the past few days in the East, visiting New Haven, Connecticut for my Yale class' 40th reunion. More about that later, but this is Memorial Day. On Saturday, we took some time out from reunion activities to drive to nearby East Haven to see if by chance Raymond and Frances Picagli were still living at 10-B First Avenue. They were our landlords my senior year, when we were first married, and it was their beach cottage then. They were special people, who really took us under their wings. Frances would often share her wonderful Italian cooking - and later her recipes - with us, and it has become a tradition in our family to serve her lasagna as our Christmas meal. As my wife and I neared the cottage, we could see that a lot of change had taken place in that little beach area since we'd seen it last. New condominums had sprung up where other cottages had once stood. Had 10-B been torn down, too? Not to worry. It was still there, and Raymond and Frances were home. We hadn't seen them in 20 years, but they recognized us right away, and we had a joyous reunion. But here's the point: Raymond, who is now 86 years old and looking pretty good, showed us their wedding picture. World War II was going on, and five weeks after they were married, he had to report for military duty. He was shipped to the South Pacific, and didn't see his bride again for three years! On Memorial Day, while we honor the ones who are gone, we can still thank men - and women - like Raymond and Frances Picagli while we still have them with us.
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Some young people have actually made an effort to thank those studs who fought World War II. Starting back in December, some 50 students at Easthampton, Massachusetts High School began working to raise funds for a Senior Prom. (Actually, a Senior Senior Prom.) Led by social studies teachers Barry Wilby and Sharon LaPointe, the students had learned that there were young men from their town and their high school who had left school in the World War II years to join the armed forces. Never mind a senior prom - graduation even; there was a war to be fought. So the modern-day Easthampton students raised some $2,500, and last Thursday, with Memorial Day coming up, put on a Senior Senior Prom for 16 veterans who had missed their own proms years before. Three hundred people attended the dance, featuring music from the 1940's played by a local pops orchestra and sung by various student groups. The students even prepared a yearbook to hand out to the veterans, who certainly sounded appreciative of the students' efforts. "I've never been to a prom," veteran Arthur Campbell told the Springfield Union News. "I think it's fantastic. Especially with this kind of music." The prom queen was Theresa Nichols, a 1945 Easthampton High graduate, who recalled, "I was here during the war when there were no boys around." The idea for the prom was inspired by Operation Recognition, a program begun by Robert McKean of Gardner, Massachusetts to honor World War II veterans. Operation Recognition has resulted in belated high school graduation ceremonies being held for World War II veterans around the country. Easthampton's graduation for its 16 veterans took place on Saturday, with the families of another four now-deceased veterans on hand to receive diplomas on their behalf. Said Easthampton senior Stephanie Powers, "We appreciate that they put aside things that we cherish, like graduation and the prom, to go fight for their country."
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TRIVIA WINNERS: These guys all got the correct answer (Virginia, Syracuse, Johns Hopkins and Princeton begin play today - Saturday - in the Final Four of NCAA Lacrosse!) John Torres, Los Angeles; Pete Smolin (told me it was "too easy!"), Pasadena, California; Glade Hall (big lacrosse fan, originally from upstate New York) Seattle; Will Fields, Covington, Virginia; Keith Babb, Northbrook, Illinois; Adam Wesoloski, DePere, Wisconsin; Jim Runser - (sorry, he didn't say where, but he did say that after watching Johns Hopkins beat Notre Dame last weekend, his son, who dreamed of playing football for Notre Dame, now wants to play lacrosse at Johns Hopkins); Ted Brown, Boothbay Harbor, Maine
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Jim Bouton, writing in USA Today about NBA basketball: "Too many guys are just standing around. Except in transition, where evryone is moving, basketball resembles a construction site, with nine guys watching one wield a shovel. The ball gets passed around the perimeter by players apparently glued to their positions. And if some guy doesn't heave it up from 30 feet, he lobs it to the big guy, who backs his way into the basket while the others observe."
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A survey done by a group called Council for the Homeless (boy, I'll bet their meetings are a lot of fun to sit in on) found 51 "homeless" teens living on the streets of our county in 1999, mostly in Vancouver, our only city. Actually, it seems like more than 51, based on the unwashed young backpackers I see cadging "spare change" at intersections, but since we're on the main drag from Seattle to L.A., maybe a lot of them are anarchists, just passing through on their way to the next "peaceful" protest. As you might expect, there are all sorts of community hand-wringers who think we need to do more for these poor aimless souls, including a group of young "activists" (I'm telling you, you're going to learn to hate that word) lobbying government officials for more beds, "traditional" housing for the older teens who are getting ready to give up life on the road, and a "homeless teen drop-in center." Meanwhile, at the present time, Vancouver has one homeless youth shelter with five beds. Three of the beds are restricted for use by 16- and 17-year-olds. The two unrestricted beds often go unused. Hey! What's going on? I thought these young people were desperate for a roof over their heads! Well, turns out they're not that desperate. Explains the person who runs the shelter, "Kids sometimes don't want rules." (Duh, Sherlock. Isn't that why most of them are on the streets in the first place?)
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Steve Young had a choice. He could have been a right-hander. So, if you're a left-hander, could you. At least that's what Amar J. S. Klar, a geneticist at the National Cancer Institute Laboratory in Frederick, Maryland theorizes. Based on research he has done with mice, Mr. Klar believes that right-handedness is caused by a gene. The gene has yet to be identified, but Mr. Klar's theory to explain why nine out of 10 people are right-handed goes like this: 80 per cent of all people carry a dominant gene that makes them right-handed. They have no choice. But the other 20 per cent do not carry this gene, and so they have a choice; there is a 50-50 chance of their being either right- or lefthanded. His theory would cover instances in which identical twins, whose genetic makeup is the same, might be differently-handed. Simple, he says: they don't carry the dominant right-handedness gene, so they belong to the 20 per cent of the population with a 50-50 chance of going either way. Remember, it's just a theory.
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Follow-up to the baseball umpires' story. The NFL officials are now unionized. (So were the baseball umpires.) The NFL Officials Association is starting out by asking for more money. Tops for an NFL official is now $4,330 a game plus benefits. At last report, there was no shortage of "minor leaguers" eager to take their jobs.
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From an Illinois youth coach to whom I promised anonymity: "Just wanted to let you know we had football sign-ups this past weekend. For the 5th year in a row we set a new record for number of participants. In total, 115 fifth through eighth graders signed up. This is compared to 96 at this time last year and 55 my first year in the program, 1996. We expect another 20 - 25 "stragglers" to sign up which will give us enough boys for 5 teams this year. I'm very excited about the 7th/8th grade heavyweights (my team). Of the 27 kids, we have 16 kids who are over 165 pounds with 6 of those over 190. Most of these are athletes who play 2 or 3 other sports. I can't believe the size of these kids! My high school team had one guy over 190 pounds. We can't wait to lay a little double wing on some of our opponents.
"A couple of anecdotes: The biggest kid relative to age we saw was a second grader whose 180 pound 6th grade brother signed up. This kid, who will be in the 3rd grade this fall, weighs 150 pounds and wears size 9 1/2 triple E shoes! We also signed up Jeffrey Jordan and his younger brother Marcus. I heard a great story about how Mr. & Mrs. Jordan are raising their kids. Apparently, a couple of years ago when Jeffrey was in the 3rd grade, one of his classmate showed him a copy of Sports Illustrated with a picture of MJ on it. Jeffrey got real excited and started asking all of his classmates if they saw the picture. You see, with all of the covers MJ had been on, Jeffrey had never seen any of these magazine covers. His parents have shielded all of their kids from as much of the hype surrounding their famous father as possible, so they could have a normal childhood. Judging from the kids, their parents have succeeded fabulously."
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Just one more arguing point for the people who oppose tenure for teachers. A high school English teacher in Hawaii has been bringing her 3-month-old baby to school to protest the school's lack of a maternity leave policy.

May 25 - "You people are the only people in our educational system that demand discipline, that believe in discipline." Bud Wilkinson. addressing football coaches, 1976
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With the 2000 Sydney Olympics fast approaching, the outside world's growing interest in past - maybe even present - mistreatment of Australia's Aborigines, its black native people, weighs heavily on some white Australians. Some. It 's not so much prejudice or a lack of caring as it is just not something that most Australians are constantly reminded of: Aborigines represent only a tiny fraction of Australia's general population and, being originally a nomadic people, they tend to be scattered throughout the vast reaches of Western Australia or "the Territory" - Northern Territory - thousands of miles from the big cities where most other Australians live. Sadly, a great number of Aborigines tend to live in conditions of abject poverty more characteristic of a Third World country, with a life expectancy decades worse than that of white Australians. But there is one place where Aboriginal people are breaking out - Australian Rules Football. This year, for the first time in the history of the Australian Football League, there is at least one player of Aboriginal descent on every one of its 16 clubs. Although less than two per cent of the overall population, Aborigines now account for some eight per cent of all the players in the AFL. The number of players in the league is expected to double in ten years to 100 or more. As recently as 1980, there were perhaps only a half-dozen or so players in the AFL who were of Aboriginal decent - or at least admitted to it, since in those days it was not unheard-of for a player to deny Aboriginal heritage. Aboriginal players then were commonly subject to the sort of racial vilification that Jackie Robinson met with in baseball, and only in the mid-1990's, after certain Aboriginal players spoke out, did men of good will in the AFL institute harsh penalties for racial abuse. Now, it is a rare occurence. The Jackie Robinsons of Australian Rules demonstrated to younger Aborigines that they, too, could play on the big teams, and thanks to corporate support from large companies, developmental programs have increased the pool of Aboriginal players, precisely at a time when the game has need of their talents. The Aboriginal athlete, although generally small, tends to be quick and agile and, for want of a better word, creative. "Our game's not terribly orthodox, "said Ian Collins, AFL operations manager. "It suits their nature... they can do things on the spur of the moment, and do them with flair. It's something our game has lost. I think we've become very regimented these days." It almost sounds to me like the excitement - the "flair - that black quarterbacks have brought to American football. (Anybody else out there remember when it was accepted football "wisdom" that you couldn't win with a black quarterback?)

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After reading about Army's change to a more wide-open attack, Coach Frank Simonsen, of Cape May, New Jersey, writes, "Coach, Can you get me some bets? I'm putting my money on Navy this year. I spent my four years in the Navy, but have always rooted for Army football because when I was growing up, I thought Mr. Inside and Mr. Outside were the greatest. They just ain't got the individuals to play Kong ball."
------- You mean they still don't know? After 50 of baseball's umpires handed in their resignations last year, walking away from jobs paying as much as $225,000 a year, several of them had second thoughts and withdrew their resignations. But, much to the surprise of 22 of the resignees, baseball replaced them with minor leaguers. Now, asks one of those 22 in a USA Today interview, "Where did we go wrong?"
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"When men cease to believe in God, they will not believe in nothing. They will believe in anything." G. K. Chesterton Perhaps you remember this quote from a few weeks ago. I was reminded of it while passing through Detroit recently, and reading about Anthony Robbins' triumphal appearance at the Palace of Auburn Hills. The nationally-known motivational speaker and his all-star cast, consisting of such celebrities as Sugar Ray Leonard, Joan Lunden, General Norman Schwartzkopf and Donald Trump, drew 12,000 people, at $59 to $99 a head. Robbins, who doesn't seem to have any leadership credentials or successful track record of his own other than the ability to draw large crowds of people to hear him and others talk, has been doing this for 20 years. "My main focus," he told the Detroit News, "is self-fulfillment. Once you have that, you'll have an extraordinary life." His performance, as described in the Detroit News, sounded near-evangelical: "jumping around on stage and exhorting his audience to do the same," he led his audience in chants of "I will lead! Not follow! I will believe! Not doubt!"
------- A coach from Ohio asked me to recommend any books about or by the great Paul Brown. The only one I've found - and fortunately, it's a good one - is "PB: The Paul Brown Story", by Paul Brown with Jack Clary - Signet Books, 1979. Coach Brown was a very articulate man with great powers of recollection. He occupies a very special place in our game's history; we owe him a lot. He sure was an Ohio man all the way - Massillon-born and raised, Miami (Ohio)-educated, successful coaching stops at Massillon High, Ohio State, Cleveland Browns, Cincinnati Bengals. And he is buried in Massillon next to his wife, his high school sweetheart.
------- I'll bet right now he wishes he was President... Bryan Agnew, a high school student in Savannah, GA, recently completed his Eagle Scout project. Until May 9, he was a member of the National Honor Society, the school band and a school Christian organization, and was enrolled in three Advanced Placement classes. But on May 9, acting on an anonymous tip, school officials searched his car in the school parking lot and found - gasp! - an axe! What's a Boy Scout, who just finished building a nature trail for his Eagle Scout project, doing with an axe? But that's not all they found! They also found a pocket knife! And a cell phone! Guilty of violating at least three parts of the school district's "Zero Tolerance" of weapons policy, Bryan was immediately given a 10-day suspension and transferred to an alternative school; no longer allowed on campus, he has missed the band concert, the National Honor Society banquet, the prom and two Advanced Placement exams. No slack. No exceptions. It's for our protection. We have rules and they have to apply to everybody. No excuses. Except, of course, when it's the President of the United States and he commits perjury. ------- TRIVIA: What do Virginia, Syracuse, Johns Hopkins and Princeton suddenly have in common?
May 24 - "I'd rather be the shortest player in the majors than the tallest player in the minors." 5-foot-5 Freddie Patek, former major-league infielder
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I really didn't get much done yesterday. That's because I had to get up extra early and get set up for Tonya Harding's 12 noon arrival at the cemetery across the street. Yes, I had other important things to do, but nothing more important than this! My readers were depending on me! Tonya was coming to do her community service, right across the street, and I couldn't let them down! Somebody had to cover a story of this magnitude for coachwyatt.com - this promised to be a major event in Camas, Washington, where there's not usually a lot going on in the middle of the day. (Actually, there's not much happening at night, either.) Huge vans belonging to Portland TV stations began pulling up in mid-morning, along with the camera people, obediently following reporters around like dogs on a leash. I knew they were TV reporters because they were minority females. they were better dressed than everybody else, and they carried microphones with them like royal maces, symbols of their importance. The radio guys began to arrive, younger versions of the schmoe everybody laughs at in the "Whaddaya think this is - a Holiday Inn?" commercials. Tonya herself pulled up around 11:45, and even though there are only two entrances to the cemetery and there aren't normally a whole lot of blondes in blue sunglasses driving pickups with Oregon plates into the cemetery at the same time Tonya was expected, none of the media geniuses knew who it was until I told them. Ahem. After a police officer informed the media horde that Tonya would be undergoing an "orientation" for the next 45 minutes, the TV and radio people went to "set up", and I went home for a while. When I returned, I walked over to a clot of news people, and it turned out they were surrounding a tiny blonde in a day-glo orange vest - Tonya! It was really Tonya! Herself! Right in Camas Cemetery! At that point, my reportorial instincts threatened to take over, and I contemplated pushing people aside, thrusting myself closer to Tonya so I could ask her impertinent questions. Instead, I just stood there with my camera rolling. I had readers! They craved pictures of Tonya! They were counting on me, and I couldn't let them down! I simply had to get those shots! And that is how I managed to be in the perfect spot, at the moment of truth, when after a brief explanation of the workings of the tool she was about to use, Tonya pulled the starter cord on the Weedeater! It sprang to life, and she was off to work! The professional camera people, recognizing that I had aced them out and found a superior location, closed in, but surprisingly, they were careful not to get in my way. (Professional courtesy, I think.) A couple of radio types, determined to let their listeners hear what Tonya Harding's Weedeater sounded like, knelt and extended their microphones as close to the tool's cutting head as possible. This was no time to worry about safety glasses! Tonya made short work of some of the weeds that the mowers had missed, trimming around the headstones of a couple of deceased Camas residents. And then- it was over. For me, at least. Tonya had put in a tough 5 minutes or so of Weedeating under a sun that was beginning to heat up to near 70 degrees. As she walked past me (I tell you, I was close enough to touch her!) I heard her say that the Weedeater was getting heavy. Clearly, this was no cake punishment the judge had dealt out. She was paying her debt to society. Justice was finally being served. I left, wondering what Nancy Kerrigan would have thought. EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! -------
"Coach, I do not know the answer to the Cedar Point question, but I only live about 30 miles from Cedar Point. Some of the students sitting in my class right now have ridden the Millennium Force already. 2 kids are missing school to go to Cedar Point on some special program with their parents Thursday. The price for cedar point goes up every year just like professional sports teams. People keep paying the prices. It costs 38 bucks for admission this year. I have ridden all the coasters there. The Millennium Force is high and fast, but the kids say it is very smooth. Looking forward to the answer to the question. Best regards. Bryan Oney." Correct Answers to all three questions came from: Bert Ford, Head Coach, Charleswood Wolves. Karlskoga, Sweden... Dennis Metzger, Connersville, Indiana... Kevin McCullough, South Bend, Indiana... Keith Babb, Northbrook, Illinois... Joe Daniels, Sacramento, California- Cedar Point was where two Notre Damers, Gus Dorais and Knute Rockne, spent the summer of 1913 practicing the forward pass. The ball was a lot fatter and rounder then, much more like a rugby ball, and difficult to throw. As Rockne would write, years later, "people who didn't know we were two college seniors making painstaking preparations for our final football season probably thought we were crazy." (Two major rules changes in 1912 encouraged passing: first, there was no longer a maximum limit of 20 yards on how far the ball could be thrown downfield; and second, the field was shortened to 100 yards and end zones created; a pass completed into an end zone was now a touchdown, where before that a pass completed beyond the goal line was a touchback.) Thanks to their summer of practice, Notre Dame, then relatively unknown outside the Midwest, came east and stunned Army that fall, 35-13. All five of Notre Dame's touchdowns resulted from forward passes, as Dorais completed 13 of 17 for 243 yards. Rockne later enjoyed telling how he had faked a limp for several plays before Dorais decided to pass to him, and how he limped downfield for several yards until the Army defender on him "almost yawned in my face, he was that bored," then turned on his speed as Dorais heaved the ball to him. "At the moment when I touched the ball, life for me was complete," Rockne wrote. It was not the first time the forward pass had been used successfully, but because it succeeded so spectacularly, and against mighty Army at that, Notre Dame is often credited with originating the passing game. The 1913 Army-Notre Dame game was historical not only because it demonstrated to football people everywhere the value of a more wide-open game, but also because it marked the arrival on the scene of Notre Dame as a national football power.
------- Then there is Murray Sperber, the Indiana University professor who for years has made it his cause to expose Coach Knight - to nail him for the embarrassment he has brought to their university. To cast the first stone, so to speak. It was tough going for Professor Sperber in the early stages of his crusade, when he was fighting a lonely battle - lots of late-night calls from drunken Hoosiers fans, and even a death threat or two. Taking on Bob Knight in Bloomington, Indiana was not a popular thing to do back when the Hoosiers were still winning championships. Lately, though, with Hoosiers basketball in the tank and the release of the videotape of the choking incident to go with revelations of all sorts of churlish conduct over the years, anti-Knight people have been jumping on his bandwagon, and Professor Sperber has been making the rounds of radio and TV talk shows, the point man for the get-Knight crowd. Thanks to the celebrity he is now enjoying, I learned something interesting about Professor Sperber that I mightn't have otherwise. Rick Bayless, in the Chicago Tribune, noted in his column last week that Professor Sperber had written a history of Notre Dame football entitled, "Shake Down the Thunder." That's funny, I thought - I have a book by that name. And it's about Notre Dame football. In fact, I'm looking at it right now: "Shake Down the Thunder!" it's called, subtitled "The Official Biography of Notre Dame's Frank Leahy." But it ain't by Murray Sperber. It was written 26 years ago - before Professor Sperber's - by a guy named Wells Twombly, who in 1974 was a sports columnist for the San Francisco Examiner and a weekly contributor to the Sporting News. Now, here's my question for Professor Sperber, who decided to give his book the same title: where do you get off, appropriating an already-used title about Notre Dame football for your own purposes (not to mention book sales)? What did you do - make some small change in the punctuation - maybe remove the exclamation mark? Does it depend on what the meaning of the word "is" is? Aren't you, the best-known defender of your university's integrity, skating out there on the thin ice of academic honesty? Mightn't this, in its own way, threaten to embarrass your university? Had any students download term papers lately? I mean, Professor Sperber, if you can get away with something like that, I'm going to get started on some home brew in my basement and I'm going to call it budweiser (small "b"). ------- The city of Vancouver, Washington, oh, so sensitive, recently agreed to include same-sex partners of its employees in its health coverage. Last Friday, a guy identified only as "E. Green" wrote to the Vancouver Columbian, "I could save almost 600 bucks a month if a city worker would take me as their gay lover. I would rather it be a lesbian, but I ain't picky." ------- At Central Florida, quarterback Daunte Culpepper's school record of 330 pounds in the power clean was finally broken recently - by a defensive tackle.

------- From a fan (a blood relation, actually) in Australia: "Did you happen to catch Pat Riley's act after the Heat lost to the Knicks in Game 7? I saw him whining on Fox Sports about how officials played too big a role in the game and as he (and later Tim Hardaway) were complaining, the "squeezeback" at the bottom of the screen rolled stats and showed that the Heat shot something like 11-21 from the line. Ewing was something like 10-12. Sorry Pat...you shoot about 50% from the line, you got no complaints."
------- The NFL has announced a bold campaign to help all you youth coaches laboring in the trenches. It's called Play Football Month, and its purpose, the NFL states, is "to inform parents where they can go to sign up their kids to play football." It will, the NFL goes on to say, "involve a complete media schedule of advertising; grass roots youth clinics; and a one-day special event in Washington DC, in conjunction with the White House, coordinated with simultaneous visits to schools by NFL players in their respective markets. " (Cynical me - notice how much of this is connected in some way with creating a massive PR opportunity for the NFL? I mean, the White House?) And it's all scheduled to take place in... September, which, um, would seem to be a little late for most kids to be signing up to play youth football. Seems to me the best thing the NFL can do for the youth of America and the people who work with them is to clean up its own house and provide examples of sound fundamental football, good sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct. Mark Chmura was reportedly rejected as the official spokesman for Play Football Month because he won't go to the White House.

May 23 - "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." Comedian Steven Wright
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I have read numerous interesting things lately about Bob Knight. One, brought to my attention by Coach Gordon Thiesfeld in Gardner, Kansas, was an article by Debbie Schlussel, in the Jewish World Review. The JWR tends to be conservative in its outlook, which is normally to my liking, and so I was not surprised to find Ms. Schlussel defending a certain Robert Knight. General Patton, tough love and all that. But as I read further, I found myself witness to one of the greatest backflips of logic in my memory. Ms. Schlussel's main point was that in our society, we err by punishing the Bob Knights - men of upstanding character who practice tough love, (however degrading it may be to the objects of their affection), while venerating the Tom Osborns, and their "win at any cost philosophy." Sorry, Ms. Schlussel, but I beg to differ. I consider myself to be the "stern father" type, rather than a modern-day "nurturing parent." I believe in team discipline and the rule of law, and I still believe that character counts. But after years of waiting - hoping - for a sign that finally, underneath all that atrocious behavior, Coach Knight really is a man of sterling character, I have given up. I just don't see it. I have admired him at times as a man who doesn't take a lot of crap off bureaucrats, but let's face it, when you don't care what anybody thinks, when you refuse to live by the established rules of civil conduct, then you are either a savage or an anarchist. You are no better than the bums who trashed Seattle. One other thing. Has anybody else noticed that Mr. Integrity - Mr. Stand-up Guy - lied in Clintonian fashion about the choking incident? And brought out "witnesses" to corroborate his version? That's where he finally lost me. Knight and Osborn? Get serious. Not even close. Got a son? Which guy would you want him to spend four or five years with? If my son wanted to go to Nebraska and play for Dr. Osborne, he'd have gone with my blessing. I'd have advised him not to socialize with a couple of the characters in the program - every program's got them, I'm afraid - but I'm confident he would have would been in the charge of a good man. On the other hand, had he wanted to go to Indiana to play basketball, I suppose I'd have deferred to his decision, but I'd have advised him to duck down a side street whenever he saw his head coach coming. What a warm, wonderful four-year relationship that would have been. What can you say about a coach who never laughs? What can you say, when all else has been said, about a coach who lies?
------- Years ago, when we were holding free agent tryouts in the early days of the World Football League, we would joke about how easy it was to make the first cuts - anybody who showed up wearing black socks was history. Obviously not a football player. A football player would have known better. Back then, anybody wearing black socks on a football field looked like a refugee from the set of what used to be called a stag film. (Ask an old-timer what I'm talking about.) From coast to coast, football players wore white socks. Now, though, it's becoming less and less of an oddity to see black socks on football players. In fact, it's not unusual to see entire teams wearing black from head to toe, including black Spandex tights. You can thank a 1988 Cornell University study for the Men in Black look. The Cornell study determined that teams in dark uniforms tended to incur more penalties than teams in lighter-colored uniforms. And teams that switched to darker uniforms began picking up more penalties one they had done so. The conclusion of the researchers was that the greater number of penalties was due to two factors: first, players in darker uniforms perceived themselves as being more aggressive, and their play reflected their perception; and second, there seemed to be a tendency among officials to perceive teams in darker uniforms as playing more aggressively. I couldn't find anything about how opponents of teams in black perceived them.
------- "I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat. God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle-aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal, and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men strictly accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well-being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful, and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club. Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without thought of a quid pro quo (something in return). He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: there is no such thing as Santa Claus." P. J. O'Rourke -------
Just in case you are plagued with one of those guys who is blessed with great running ability but cursed with a tendency to fumble: "When a player has the ball in his possession and fumbles it, he has committed the unpardonable sin in my estimation. The ball carrier should remember to have one point of the football in the palm of his hand with the fingers around the end of the ball, and gripping it tightly. The other end should be in the crook of his arm, which should force the football up close to his body. If the football is carried properly, and the ball carrier is determined to hang on to it, the football should never be lost due to a fumble. The ball is the most valuable object on the football field. Consequently, if the ball carrier fails to hang on to the ball, he is letting down his entire team. Once a player has control of the ball and fumbles it, this is no accident. It is either carelessness or lack of courage. I can't build a winner with this type of player." Bear Bryant, "Building a Championship Football Team," Prentice-Hall, 1960 -------

Where are all the fans of pro wrestling hiding when they take all those surveys? In a 1999 survey conducted by the Gallup Poll, 82 per cent of Americans said they were not fans of pro wrestling. Right. They're undoubtedly the same ones who tell the pollsters that they read the editorials first, that education should be our nation's top priority, and character counts. Well, somebody's fibbing, because Monday Night Football's audience, declining steadily, is sneaking out to watch something, and somehow I don't think it's PBS. Think it could it be wrestling? Turner's WCW averages 300,000 viewers for its weekly pay-per-view events. And two "books" by pro wrestlers are listed among the top ten national best-sellers. (They were "written" by the two wrestlers in the same sense that I once removed my own appendix.) Pro wrestling says that its target audience is men aged 18 to 34, but fully 13 per cent of the crotch-grabbers' audience is just a tad younger - boys aged 6 to 11.

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There's some truth in what the old geezers tell us about their school days when they say that they walked five miles in deep snow every day ("uphill both ways") and never had "all this fancy computer stuff," yet they still managed to turn out just fine. Linda Lim, a professor at the University of Michigan, has compared schools in the US and Asia, and has found that despite having class sizes of 50 or more, place such as Taiwan consistently outperform us. Her observation is that student performance is not a function of class size, or spending per student, or investment in technology. "What matters most," as the Wall Street Journal writes, "is motivation - parental involvement plus teachers who want to teach standing before children who want to learn." Sounds a lot like some private schools I know of.
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Who said the so-called Million Mom's March didn't accomplish anything? The National Rifle Association has picked up over 200,000 new members in the last six weeks.
May 22 - "We inform our players that criticism is like money: they shouldn't worry about it; they should worry about the lack of it." Frank Leahy
------- If I seem a little nervous today, if I have an unusual number of typos, it's because Tonya's back on the streets. The judge here in Camas, Washington gave our best-known citizen three days for whipping up on her boyfriend, but with time off for good behavior and all, she got out yesterday. The town sure was peaceful for a couple of days, though. I'd almost forgotten what it was like not having to duck flying hubcaps. ------- Oregon State has not had, shall we say, spectacular success in football over the years. Last year's winning season was the Beavers' first in 29 years. But doggone - it's starting to pay off. Americans do like their winners. Last week, Oregon State broke the 11,000 mark in season ticket sales, edging ahead of last year's figure and nearly doubling 1998's total of 6,000. The OSU Athletic Department expects to exceed 15,000, an all-time record, by opening day. All of this is good news to head coach Dennis Erickson: he has a bonus clause in his contract that began kicking in once season ticket sales topped 7,500. ------- "Coach, I took a personal day to go over to Ridgeview (my new job) yesterday. I met most of the returning seniors and a few of the younger kids. Every player I met was excited about the new offense- some of them had already been on your website looking it over! It was refreshing because all the players I talked to wanted to know when we would meet over the summer to lift and to attend 7 on 7 tournaments. These kids want to win! The Head Basketball coach (also the AD) is a former football player and football coach at my new school and he has offered to help me with the weight room. I think this is going to be a great place to teach and a great place to coach football. The kids want to win, the administration is made up of former football coaches who want to win, the sports programs cooperate with each other and don't run year round programs. I am very excited about this opportunity!" Coach Mike Benton, Colfax, Illinois (Coach Benton is making the move from Lincoln, Illinois to Ridgeview, which serves the small, Central Illinois communities of Colfax, Anchor, Arrowsmith, Cooksville and Saybrook. The Ridgeview Mustangs are coming off a 2-7 season, but overall they have a proud tradition: in the 10 years of the school's existence, they've been in the playoffs eight times. Returning starters include tackle Matt Britton, running back Mitch Wissmiller and QB Kyle Daniels. Coach Benton hopes that running back Chase Simpson, who rushed for over1000 yards as a Sophomore but was injured most of his junior season, can stay healthy.) ------- So desperate is the NBA for a successor to Michael Jordan that it has taken to, um, enhancing the images of certain of the replacement candidates. Take Allen Iverson. They can't make him attend charm school, and they can't do much about the crowd he hangs with, but those tattoos? And those gold chains? No problem. That's why, on the cover of last December's "Hoop," the NBA's official magazine, Iverson appears clear-skinned and without the jewelry he was wearing when they took his picture. A retouch artist carefully airbrushed out a lot of the offending symbols, making the young star more presentable to that portion of the public that appreciates his basketball talent but is put off by his outward appearance. When Mr. Iverson learned of the sham, he took offense, to say the least. Because as repulsive as some of us might find the grotesque arrays of tattoos with which these guys garnish their bodies, the players evidently attach great significance and sentimentaltiy to them. For every boastful "Man of Steel" or "Mighty Mouse" design, there are several more honoring beloved grandmas. But, hey- the league's future is on the line. The marketing geniuses had their image-polishing to do, and with a publication deadline to meet, I guess skin grafts were out of the question. They did draw the line, however, at filling in the cornrows. That would have been dishonest. ------- David Letterman's suggestion to Bobby Knight, whenever he feels the need to vent: "Choke Dick Vitale." ------- I was doing some browsing (the old fashioned kind - through books) when I came across this ringing endorsement of our Double-Wing offensive system's philosophy by one of the greatest coaches who ever lived: "Any running attack, to be successful, must be able to direct the ball at any spot along the line of scrimmage from one end to the other. It should move the ball through any opening with deception and the utmost possible speed. Plays in their origin should appear identical, and yet maintain the option of putting the ball through different spots in the line of scrimmage. In coaching terms, plays which look alike in origin are called "cycles." Single-wing teams have many cycles of plays. On one cycle, the tailback fakes or gives to the fullback. This cycle in its entirety will put the ball through every spot in the defensive line while maintaining the same origin or start. If the faking is good, the defense will not know as the play starts where the ball will ultimately go. This theory is the essence of all offensive football." Bud Wilkinson, "Modern Split-T Football," Prentice-Hall, New York, 1952
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TOUGH TRIVIA: Cedar Point, near Sandusky, Ohio has jumped way out in front in the roller-coaster arms race. Its all-new "Millenium Force" ride, is - for the moment at least - the world's tallest (310 feet) roller coaster. It is also the fastest, hitting 92 miles per hour. Interesting thought, as you're packing up for your Memorial Day trip to an amusement park: while there is little danger of being thrown out of a roller coaster, a National Institutes of Health study has documented 14 cases of severe brain injury in the past 10 years, all caused by the sheer forces of roller coasters' lurching, whip-like turns, and sudden rises and falls. Not to mention corkscrews. You will not be killed by a Cedar Point Roller Coaster, but can you survive the CEDAR POINT TRIVIA QUESTION?: Two Notre Dame players once spent a summer at Cedar Point, preparing for the upcoming season. As a result of their summer's practicing at Cedar Point, they made football history that fall. Who were the two players, what did they do that summer at Cedar Point, and what was the historical moment that resulted?


May 19 - "We're not miracle workers, but if you send us a good boy to Georgia Tech, we'll send you a good boy home." Bobby Dodd
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The order in which people provided the correct answer to the trivia question: Bonnie Wyatt, Reading, PA (No fair - she's my niece and God-child, and I guess I should have had one of those "employees of coachwyatt.com or their relatives are not eligible" statements, but nevertheless, she was first) ... Sam Knopik, Moberly, MO... Mike Lane, Avon Grove, PA... Dennis Metzger, Connersville, IN .... Keith Babb, Northbrook, IL... Will Fields, Covington, VA... David Cassidy (He didn't say where he's from)... Adam Wesoloski, De Pere, WI... Pete Smolin, Pasadena, CA... Greg Koenig, Las Animas, CO... Dennis Croskey, Kearney, MO... Tom Hensch, Staten Island, NY - All knew that those NFL QB's came from Pennsylvania. Not many of them split hairs and said Western Pennsylvania, but to a Pennsylvanian, that is everything. If I were Alex Trebek I would have insisted on Western Pennsylvania. There is quite a bit of east-west rivalry in the Keystone State, divided into two as it is by mountain ranges, and the Western PA people are sure that theirs is the best football. I won't jump into the middle of that one. The best answer submitted - style points were awarded - came from Coach Babb: "They all come from the cradle of quarterbacks in western Pennsylvania. I think all of them are (were) great examples of Dave Nelson's definition of mental and physical hardness." (Western Pennsylvania QB's and their hometowns: Charlie Batch - Pittsburgh; George Blanda- Youngwood; Gus Frerotte- Ford City; Arnold Galiffa- Donora; Terry Hanratty- Butler; Jim Kelly- East Brady; Johnny Lujack- Connellsville; Joe Montana- Monongahela; Dan Marino- Pittsburgh; Joe Namath- Beaver Falls; Babe Parilli- Rochester; John Unitas- Pittsburgh; Scott Zolak- Monongahela)
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This from a coach in the Midwest who requests anonymity: "I hope you do not mind me responding to another "News" item again. I could not help noticing some similarities between my situation as a head coach 9 years ago and the one occurring with Coach Dave Kilborn at Gorham High in Gorham, Maine. I too was told I would not have my contract renewed. My situation is different in that it occured within a week of the season and it was my 4th year as head coach. They also did give me reasons. Three to be exact. 1)The AD told me that my staff was lazy and immature. This is the staff that had been the only staff that did not change for the first time in 3 years. My first three years I had a totally different staff each year. Only one of them was a teacher in the building. The administration had the opportunity to hire a couple but did not and hired teachers who did not coach. This staff was finally one that I had been able to build and hold together for two years. And we improved dramatically. 2) The AD told me that my offensive and defensive philosophy was not flexible enough. I thought, "what does that mean?" I told him we could bring in 10 coaches and we would get 10 different philosophies. You cannot argue X's and O's and win the argument. We ran the Wing-T and a multiple 4-3 defense. We could look aligned odd with our front or even with the strong safety as an eighth man to give a 4-4 look. It was simple. I heard our principal tell the coach that I had calling our offense something that made me very suspicious at the time, and at this meeting with the AD it all came to light. He said to my assistant, "Hey ____ did you watch any football this past weekend?" His response was, yes. "Did you see anybody running the Wing-T offense?" His response was, no. "Well...doesn't that tell you something?" 3) I prayed too much with my team. We are a public school. I never made the prayers mandatory for anyone. Playing time and position was never based on attending or not attending our pregame or post game prayers.The AD then asked me to resign, to let him off the hook of having to fire me. Well, I told the AD that based on those reasons, I would not resign. I told him that if they had come to me and told me that I was not winning enough games or was not improving enough I would have resigned with no questions asked. I had four years at the time and we had gone 3-7, 3-7, 4-6 and 5-5. That was not good enough for me either. (With the double wing I may have done much better.) We did finish that season 5-5 overall, but we were 5-2 in the league and took second place. We started out 0-4 and then won 5 of the last 6 games. We had a great turnaround and improved each week. We played the eventual champions in week 7 for the championship. They did beat us, but we gave them a good game. (Their only challenge in the league.) After I refused to resign, the AD told me that I would be non-renewed (fired) at the next board meeting. I said OK, if it happens it happens. I was awarded what our league calls the ------- Award. It is an award paid for by the coaches not the league. It is supposed to go the the coach who did the best job with the talent that he had. I was very honored. Some players and parents got wind of what the administration was doing. They rallied to my support. Things got ugly in the days before the board meeting. The administration was unsure what was going to happen. All I wanted people to do was be civil to each other over this issue. At the board meeting many players spoke for me and parents too, and teachers. One parent spoke against me, and one community member spoke against me. I spoke and asked simply that no matter what the board's decision, I would hope that we could all accept it. Me, if they chose to not renew me and others if they chose to renew my contract. The board voted to renew my contract. I was glad, but I have to be honest - I wish they would not have done that. The next year was horrible for me and the team. We began Ok, then we met two tough opponents and the bottom fell out. The team and parents now were split over what to do with me. Half wanted me to have my head cut off, and the other half were supporting what we were trying to do to get things back on track. We got worse instead of better. We had a walkout at a Monday practice. I was ready to cut them all lose at worst and suspend them for a game or two at best. The administration told me to take them back, and strongly suggested I suspend them only for 1/2 of the next game. I was young, naive and stupid and I listened and agreed. We were winning 6-0 at the half with a JV team. We started them again in the second half, then unwisely put the suspended players in. We lost the game 18-6. We were horrible and the next week the superintendent asked me to resign and I finally agreed. The only advice I would give to Coach Kilborn is be careful. When the administration does not get its way, they will get very picky about what they expect. It is not always a win-win situation. I pray for Coach Kilborn. God's best wisdom and blessings be with him."
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I've seen a lot of college commencement speakers listed so far - Elizabeth Dole, Donna Shalala, Chief Justice William Rehnquist, Maya Angelou, Al(pha) Gore, Kofi Annan, etc., etc. - but the only one I've seen that I'd willingly sit and listen to is Alan Keyes.
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The New York Knicks' attempted makeover of Latrell Sprewell (possible campaign slogan: "He's not that bad a lot of the time") continues, with articles last week in USA Today and Sports Illustrated. The USA Today article did acknowledge that the coach-choker is "flawed." Flawed, did they say? You decide. He has sired five illegitimate children by three different women. But there are signs that he may be settling down. The youngest three children are all by the same woman, referred to as his "fiancee." (Do these clowns think that using the term "fiancee" lends some sort of dignity to the arrangement? Do they even know what "fiancee" means? Wouldn't the time it takes to have three kids out of wedlock be considered a fairly long "engagement?")
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General Robert Neyland, all-time great coach of Tennessee, and one of the last to win big with the single wing, said he never ran a play in a game until he had repped it at least five hundred times. (Don't laugh - I have heard a Double-Wing Coach, John Irion, of Queensbury, New York say the same thing at one of my clinics. His teams have made it to the state finals twice.)
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My President seems very concerned about my privacy. Evidently someone told him that companies we do business with on the web are finding out way too much about us, and they've just got to stop. I don't know what the polls say, but here's why I think it's a bogus issue: Just sit somewhere near me in an airport sometime and listen to all the people telling the world their business: the self-important jerk across from me on his cell phone, telling everyone around him every corporate secret he's telling to the person on the other end of his phone conversation; or the coven of Rosie O'Donnell soundalikes seated behind me, "conversing" at full-volume about their personal lives. If The Man From Hope ever had to sit around an airport between flights, he'd find out fast what a non-issue this privacy thing really is. He might even feel my pain.
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When iMovie, Apple's proprietary video-editing software, was first introduced, the only way you could get it was to buy an iMac DV computer. But interest in the basic, easy-to-use, firewire-oriented program was so great among other Mac users that a little over a week ago, Apple decided to offer free downloads to anyone with another Mac version capable of running it - a G3, G4 or powerbook laptop with firewire connections. In the first week of the offer, 150,000 people downloaded iMovie.


May 18 - "After the fundamentals and the plays are learned, it is morale that makes the team." H. O. "Fritz" Crisler, former coach, Princeton and Michigan
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Wow! It hardly seems like 20 years ago, but on May 18, 1980, we awoke on a Sunday morning to the news that Mount St. Helens was erupting. A look out our bedroom window at the giant black plume in the sky confirmed it. Mt. St. Helens was such a beautiful mountain, perfectly rounded at the top like a scoop of ice cream. We used to like to take visitors there to play in the snow in mid-summer, and cross-country ski around pristine Spirit Lake in the winter, and then poof! - like that, it was gone. The shock of the blast blew over thousands of giant Douglas firs, like so many matchsticks. The rapidly-melted snowcap flooded streams and sent a massive mud flow through river valleys. The top of the mountain and an entire side of it blew off, a cubic mile of rock blown into powder and shot miles up into the air. It was an unbelievable sight to watch the mountain spewing its tower of ash, resembling a giant version of the steam locomotives I remembered as a kid. And it was an unforgettable experience to have an inch or so of volcanic ash - powdered rock - falling like gray snow all over the countryside.
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Most football teams' playbooks are as carefully guarded as an official State Department laptop computer, and coaches take the same kind of precautions against losing their trade secrets as the Clinton administration takes to keep missile technology from the Chinese. Just kidding. Actually, teams take much better care of their playbooks than that. Any time the pros cut a player, he is expected to surrender his playbook before leaving. (The words that every rookie in training camp dreads go something like, "Coach wants to see you... bring your playbook.") Huge fines are assessed against players who lose their playbooks. Now, I doubt that the Chinese have made large donations to the American Football Coaches Association, but somehow, the secrets are leaking out. Here comes a web site (sorry, I'm not going to advertise it - you'll have to find it for yourself) offering college and pro playbooks for sale. Not the actual current playbooks, but not so terribly out of date, either - all are from the 1990's, including Oklahoma's 1999 offensive playbook. The site's owners, who told the Detroit News that they are Texas high school coaches themselves and are merely selling photocopies of the playbooks as a resource for high school coaches, would not reveal how they obtained their materials.

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"A coaching staff that does not bring the student to the realization that football is a rough, tough and vicious game requiring the best of a man has not given the boy an opportunity to play the game as it was intended to be played. The terms "rough," "tough," and "vicious" are not to be construed as meaning anything beyond the rules but only that football requires great physical and mental hardness. Since it requires the best in a man, there is no easy way to prepare for a football game or season. An attempt should be made to have the work interesting and as enjoyable as possible, but never at the expense of mental or physical hardness." David Nelson, "Football Principles and Play," Ronald Press, New York, 1962

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Either that or hire him as a tutor. The NCAA threw out the SAT results of Kansas basketball recruit DeShawn Stevenson, after his scored improved from 450 the first time he took it to 1150 the next time. Hmmm.

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In basketball, the rules regarding travelling and carrying are quite specific, just like many of the the rules of society. But, also like many of the rules of society, they are largely ignored and rarely enforced. Especially for certain favored players. Baseball umpires, like activist judges who decide that the Constitution means what they think it means, feel free to determine on their own what "their" strike zone is. Meanwhile, in golf, Irishman Paddy Harrington, who "won" a recent tournament by five strokes, failed to sign his scorecard, and for that, he was disqualified. It cost him $275,000 in prize money. Golf, you see, still has rules. And the rules are enforced, unequivocally, without regard for a person's wealth, social position, or excuse. No man is bigger than the game. There is no room for cheaters. Sportsmanship is the rule, not the exception. You are still expected to be a gentlemen on a golf course. Nothing - certainly not winning - is more important than the integrity of the game.

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The kid in Lake Oswego, Oregon who mooned a fellow track team member and was expelled because of the district's idiotic zero-tolerance policy for what it defined as "sexual harassment?" (Forget the fact that only one kid - a buddy who was the intended target - saw the bare bottom.) He's back in school. Since the expulsion, the school administration has been the subject of a lot of well-deserved ridicule. The principal was booed in the school hallways. One Portland disc jockey threatened to hold a Million Moon March. Okay, okay. Settle down. Enough. He's back in school. Now they can get back to the real work of making our children safe by expelling kids who bring nail clippers to school and shoot each other with finger guns.

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Jeff Huseth writes from Minneapolis: "By the way....as bad as Bobby Knight is being made out to be...how many convicts..oops...I mean "legally challenged" student athletes have gone thru his 4-5 year bb program and entered a career in the "legally challenged community"? Can't think of one off hand."

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TRIVIA QUESTION: What do these present-day or former NFL quarterbacks all have in common: Charlie Batch, George Blanda, Gus Frerotte, Arnold Galiffa, Terry Hanratty, Jim Kelly, Johnny Lujack, Joe Montana, Dan Marino, Joe Namath, Babe Parilli, John Unitas, Scott Zolak

May 17 - "To gain an advantage by circumvention or disregard for the rules brands a coach or player as unfit to be associated with football." American Football Coaches Association Code of Ethics

------- This time a week ago, Dave Kilborn was told he wasn't being rehired. That's all he was told. That's all they had to tell him. Yes, I know. It was the middle of May, not the best time for a guy to have to go out and find another coaching job, but that's when they decided to do it. What did he do wrong? Who knows? They didn't have to give him any reasons. He was just the football coach. Something like the law in certain Islamic countries, which allows a man to get out of a marriage by telling his wife, "I divorce you, " all they were legally required to tell Dave was, "your contract is not being renewed." So that's all they told him. Dave Kilborn, who just a year ago had started a high school football program from scratch at Gorham High in Gorham, Maine, was looking forward to making big strides in 2000. He and his wife had only recently bought a house in town. He had hosted our Double-Wing clinic for coaches from Northern New England. So it came as a total shock to him to be told in mid-May - six months after the football season was over - that he wasn't being retained. And that was that. Or so they thought. Fortunately for coaches everywhere, it didn't die there. Dave Kilborn, you see, happens to be a very popular coach - and teacher. Parents and kids mobilized in his support, and tried taking their case to the school board. The board, however, refused to second-guess the decision of its school administrators, and Dave was still hung out to dry. But it wasn't over yet. The board's decision seemed to inflame the entire community: "Save Dave" signs hung from school windows, the Portland news media picked up the story, and the pressure on the school board mounted, until amazingly, on Monday, the school board reversed itself and gave Dave a second probationary year. Coach Kilborn will be back. Observed Jack Tourtillotte, offensive coordinator and principal at Boothbay Harbor, Maine High School, "This is a great story of a good guy caught in school politics... Although David as a first year teacher has not been perfect, his role model example to his kids and community has been nothing but the best. He has had overwhelming support from the parents and the kids he teaches and coaches. During this ordeal David has been a class act and one the coaching and teaching profession can be justly proud of. David has some tough decisions ahead but he should do fine. In nearly thirty years in education in Maine I have never seen a decision like this overturned. It is quite unusal. Which is an indication just what kind of guy and role model David is." Not knowing any more than I do - but I have met Dave Kilborn and have been impressed by him - I would suggest a probationary year for cowardly administrators who pull stunts like that, secure in the belief that it's okay to stiff the guys who work day-to-day with their kids, and then retreat to the safety of their panelled offices.
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An example of the intellectual level of some of the cretins who inhabit the message boards is this response (anonymous, naturally) to a coach asking for more information about the Double-Wing: "The double wing is the worst offense known to mankind. Why do you waste your time running it. Oh I know the answer to that... you're a boner." Please, Dear God, on the unlikely chance that guy really is a football coach - get me a game with him.
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One man's take on the Bob Knight "solution": Coach Knight certainly did not want to be drummed out of Bloomington in disgrace. Nor did the trustees want to have to to discharge him, knowing that the sinking of the S.S. Knight would have created a vortex that sucked a lot of other people down, too. He has a lot of powerful and influential supporters who have rallied to his cause in the past, and in the event of his firing they would undoubtedly have demanded the heads of the President and the AD. At a minimum. So for the moment, the blood-letting has been avoided. Coach Knight has "apologized." He has had his name written on the board. Maybe even with a check or two next to it. And the next time he acts like - well, like Bobby Knight... Except (here is my way-out prediction): there ain't gonna be no next time. Why not? Not because Coach Knight is going to reform. Not a chance. I predict that as soon as all this blows over and he feels the time is right, Coach Knight is going to walk - on his terms. Which will no doubt include telling certain people (sports writers come immediately to mind) to perform certain procedures where the sun don't shine. He will walk. I just can't see him staying on under someone else's terms, like a probationary teacher. I can't picture Bob Knight, after years of not being accountable to anybody - not even the President of Indiana University - being muzzled and chained by some kind of behavior contract. This way, everybody stays clean. Coach Knight leaves with his dignity (odd word to use here) relatively intact, and the University administration is spared the ugliness of a public hanging. Come to think of it, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that, helped along by an offer of a very generous severance package, this very scenario is what was actually agreed to in that trustees' meeting.
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Just in case you have an outstanding kid at your school who you think got shafted... This past year, 18,691 high school seniors applied for admission to Harvard. More than half of them had SAT's of 1400 or more; nearly 3,000 of them ranked first in their class. Slightly more than 2,000 (a record-low 10.9 per cent) were admitted.
------- Keep your eye on Army this fall. No more wishbone. No more leading the nation in rushing. The Cadets' new coach, Todd Berry, is going with a one-back, three-wideout attack. Nothing against Coach Berry, but I still think former coach Bob Sutton, a class act, was treated shabbily by the West Point athletic administration - no doubt inspired by the overly-politicized upper echelons of today's military establishment.
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You may remember this, from my NEWS page back in December: "We were never No. 1. It was always UM this or that." It was former Michigan State coach Nick Saban, in his first press conference after being named coach at LSU, voicing his frustration at the perception that no matter how well he did at Michigan State, he would always be playing second-fiddle to more-prestigious Michigan. The Los Angeles Times tended to support Saban. "This year," the Times wrote, " Michigan State beat Notre Dame, Michigan, Ohio State and Penn State and finished 9-2. Yet, on the day Saban left, 9-2 Michigan accepted an invitation to the $12-million Orange Bowl. Michigan State is headed to the less prestigious Citrus Bowl. Saban could beat Michigan, but not the inferiority complex. Michigan is the national power, Michigan has the prestige, Michigan draws the television ratings--Michigan, Michigan, Michigan." So it was a big day for the Other Guy - for Michigan State and Michigan State athletics - not just Michigan State basketball - when coach Tom Izzo, fresh from winning a national championship, announced that he was passing up the big bucks of the NBA's Atlanta Hawks to stay in East Lansing. One of the enticements to jump to the NBA, besides a salary three times that of MSU's, was the chance to be the first coach in basketball history to win both an NCAA championship and an NBA title. But Tom Izzo is staying at MSU, and an awful lot of people are happy. Said MSU's new head football coach Bobby Williams, "This is a great day for the Spartans. I'm happy for Tom. This is huge for our program as well." Coach Izzo said star guard Mateen Cleaves helped swing the issue, telling him, "If you'll take me with that (first-round) draft pick, I want you to go. But I really think you could have an impact on more players here."


May 16 - "The key to goal setting is participation by the people who will be involved in achieving the goal." Mike White
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It was brought to my attention at Saturday's Providence clinic that my advertising should be showing a star on Massachusetts as another one of the states in which a Double-Wing team made the playoffs. In fact, the Massachusetts team in question - Austin Prep, of Reading, Mass., whose coach, Bill Maradei, I had the pleasure of meeting Saturday - would likely have qualified as a state champion except for one small technicality - Massachusetts doesn't have true state champions. Instead, league champions in the several divisions are paired off to meet in post-season "Super Bowls." Finishing 11-1 in 1999, Austin Prep won the Division VI Super Bowl over West Bridgewater, 24-0. (Austin Prep's only regular-season loss was to larger Bishop Fenwick, Division IV Super Bowl winner.) In two years of running the Double-Wing, Coach Maradei has gone 19-3 at Austin Prep, with two of the three losses coming at the hands of Bishop Fenwick. My apologies and belated congratulations to Coach Maradei and his players!

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"I always tell my kids, if you want to succeed, you have to go through life as a pinch-hitter. Sit on the bench. Be ready to play. You may not get a hit the first two times, but you'll get a hit the third time." Joe Garagiola

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I am currently reading "Faith in the Game," by Tom Osborne. It ought to be required reading for anyone who coaches or intends to coach. If you were like me and questioned Coach Osborne's motives in keeping Lawrence Phillips on the Nebraska squad after his atrocious assault on a former girlfriend, then you would find it instructive to read his explanation - not defense, not rationalization - of why he handled the situation in the way he did. The book, and that particular explanation, have only increased the great respect I have for Coach Osborne. It does show that even the best-intentioned of coaches, despite the most careful precautions, can wind up in trouble when he casts his lot with the type of young people we are raising - perhaps I should say, neglecting to raise - today. The latest coach/victim may be Joe Paterno, whose program, like Coach Osborne's, has never been associated with the faintest whiff of scandal and has taken pride in the quality of people representing it. But at 2:45 AM, while coach Paterno presumably slept the sleep of the innocent back in State College, Pennsylvania, outside a bar in Hoboken, New Jersey, his projected starting quarterback, Rashard Casey, may have done the sort of thing that can tarnish a football program and the entire university that it represents. Casey and a friend were arrested and charged with aggravated assault after allegedly beating a man unconscious while his female companion looked on. It could prove to be even uglier - police are treating the assault as a bias crime, theorizing that the source of provocation may have been the fact that the victim, an off-duty policeman, is white, while the woman he was escorting is black. Casey and his friend are black.

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CNN/SI's Fred Hickman continues to catch crap from other "sports journalists" around the country, upset that he didn't join them in throwing himself under the wheels of the Shack-for-MVP juggernaut. He had the temerity to - gasp! - vote for Allen Iverson! His vote, which was supposed to be secret, was evidently leaked by some lackey in the NBA office, but no matter - his argument is that Iverson lifted his team to a far greater extent than anybody in the NBA - Shack included - lifted his. He's right. The Lakers without Shack would still be pretty good; the Sixers without Allen Iverson would be the Clippers. And all you guys who are ripping Hickman - ever heard of Kevin Garnett?

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The answer to Friday's question - who was The Golden Greek? - is Harry Agganis. Today, with television making false gods of all kinds of disreputable characters who happen to be good athletes, America cries out for a role-model of Harry Agganis' stature: not only was he a great athlete and movie-star handsome - 6-2, 200 pounds and built, in the words of teammates, "like a Greek god" - but he was a man of great humility and dignity - nobility, even - beloved by his teammates and the entire city of Boston, a clean-living member of his Greek Orthodox Church, and a son utterly devoted to his widowed mother. By all acounts, he was that rarest of athletes - a gentleman and a scholar. He was a man. He was born April 30, 1930, the seventh and youngest child of George and Georgia Agganis, Greek immigrants who settled in the large Greek-American community in Lynn, Massachusetts, and was christened Aristotle George Agganis. Despite the fact that Greek was spoken in the Agganis home, the nickname "Ari" which his mother gave him eventually gave way to the Americanized "Harry." He grew up playing baseball and football on the sandlots of Lynn and attended Lynn Classical High, where his feats as a left handed quarterback drew crowds of 20,000 to Manning Bowl in those sport-crazed days right after World War II. In his two seasons as starting quarterback, Classical was 21-1-1, and following his junior year, travelled to Miami to defeat Granby High, of Norfolk, Virginia, in the Orange Bowl on Christmas Day. (The team declined an invitation to a similar bowl game at the end of his senior season when Classical was told it could not bring its two black players.) In his senior year, 1947, 160,000 people attended Lynn Classical's home games, and Harry, wearing number 33, as he would in college, too, in honor of his idol, Redskins' quarterback Sammy Baugh, never disappointed them. At the season's end, he was named the All-America High School Quarterback. So outstanding was he that he was offered scholarships by more than 75 colleges around the country, including Notre Dame, but his father had died when Harry was 16, and Harry passed over much better-known programs to attend small-time Boston U. and remain closer to his widowed mother. (It is believed that his decision to attend B.U. was influenced by the Pappas brothers, wealthy and prominent Greek-American food merchants who supported the school., and by Tom Yawkey, owner of the Red Sox, who wanted to see larger college crowds in his Fenway Park, where B.U. played. Since Harry was also a high school and semi-pro baseball player of considerable renown, it is not unlikely that Mr. Yawkey may also have had the Red Sox' future interests in mind.) During the Agganis years at B.U., the Terriers achieved a national prominence they had never known before, have never known since, and will likely never know again (B.U. dropped college football following the 1997 season). His presence at B.U. generated such excitement that his freshman year, at a time when frosh were ineligible to play varsity football, B.U.'s frosh game at Holy Cross drew 18,000 people on a Friday afternoon. After one year off to serve in the Marines, his three years at B.U. saw the Terriers compile a record of 17-10-1, playing out of their class against such powers as Miami and national champion Maryland with its famed Modzelewski brothers. The 1952 B.U. game against Maryland drew 40,000 people to Fenway Park. (The Red Sox would dearly love to be able to squeeze that many people in.) The legendary Vin Scully's first network job was the radio broadcast of the 1949 B.U.-Maryland game, from the roof of Fenway. Nicknamed The Golden Greek, Harry was equally outstanding as a runner, passer, punter (46.5 yards average for three years) and defensive back (15 interceptions in one season). He set B.U. records in numerous categories, yet he refused to enhance his personal glory by padding his personal stats. In those days of quarterbacks calling their own plays, his high school coach, Bill Joyce, constantly had to urge him to throw more. On one occasion he even went so far as to tell Harry that if he didn't pass, he wouldn't play; Harry complied, but finally, after three quarters of play in which he was 23 of 32 for four touchdowns, he said to the coach, "Now can I let the other guys run?" When his coach at Boston U., Buff Donelli, informed Harry that he should pass more because he was within eight touchdown passes of the national record with four games left, Harry told him, "Who wants records? Let's win the games!" He capped his college career with an outstanding performance in the Blue-Gray All-Star game in which his team was coached by the Cleveland Browns' Paul Brown. He had already been drafted first by the Browns in the hope that he would be the successor to their All-pro quarterback Otto Graham, but despite being offered a then-record sum of money to sign, he chose instead to cast his lot with baseball - and with his beloved Red Sox.. After one year in the minor leagues in Louisvile, where he finished second (by one vote) to Don Zimmer of St. Paul in the voting for American Association MVP, he was brought up to the Red Sox in 1954. In the Sox' home opener, he hit a triple that should have been an inside-the-park home run had he not been forced to slow down for the runner in front of him. Overall, his rookie season was only so-so; he batted .254 with 11 home runs. A highlight came when on the same day he managed to play in an afternoon game at Fenway Park and attend his graduation from B.U. that evening. His two-run homer broke up a tie in a game that threatened to go into extra innings, and he was able to hurriedly change into his cap and gown in the clubhouse - much to the amusement of his teammates - then race up Commonwealth Avenue to arrive just in time for graduation ceremonies. The next day's Boston Globe ran side-by-side photos - Harry Agganis crossing the plate with the winning run on the left, Harry Agganis receiving his diploma on the right - under the headline "HARRY'S HEYDAY." True to character, he was unselfish with his new-found wealth. When members of Lynn's Greek community threw a dinner in his honor, he refused to keep any of the money raised, sending it instead to the little village in Sparta, Greece where his parents came from, to be spent on soccer balls for the children there. He offered to move his mother out of the second-floor flat in which she had raised her family, but when she refused to move, he made a sizeable donation to Saint George's Greek Orthodox Church in Lynn. Wherever the Red Sox were on the road, he sought out a Greek Orthodox Church. He was a man of intellectual dimensions as well, and enjoyed attending stage plays and musicals with his girfriend, Jean Allaire (who herself would go on to a long career on Boston television as the star of Miss Jean's Romper Room). His second year got off to a promising start, and he was hitting .313 (with a respectable slugging percentage of .458) in the early going, when he began having problems with his health. He was hospitalized briefly with pneumonia, but returned to action - perhaps too soon. On June 2 in Chicago he went 2-for-4 against the White Sox and was robbed of a third hit by a great catch by Jim Rivera. One of his hits, though, should easily have been a triple, but he pulled up at second base, exhausted. That night on the train, coughing and feverish, he contacted the trainer, who called Joe Cronin, the Red Sox GM, back in Boston. Cronin ordered Harry flown back to Boston, where he was hospitalized with a case of pneumonia, along with phlebitis (an inflammation of the walls of veins) in his right leg. He would never leave the hospital. On June 27, 1955, as doctors sat him up in a chair for the first time since he was admitted, he suffered a massive pulmonary embolism (a blood clot which works its way to the lungs), and was dead within minutes. Harry Agganis, the Golden Greek, was dead at the age of 25, a life of personal and athletic promise left eternally unfulfilled. "Harry Agganis was one of the greatest," said teammate Ted Williams, who had been his mentor. His wake was attended by an estimated 30,000 people, and another 20,000 lined the streets as his funeral procession passed. He was buried in Pine Grove Cemetery in his native Lynn, next to his father; his mother, forced to live broken-hearted without her Ari, joined them 12 years later.
Three people got the answer to the question. First was Adam Wesoloski, of DePere, Wisconsin, who is showing quite a bit of interest in researching football history; John Trisciani, of Manchester, New Hampshire was second; Bill Mignault, head coach at Ledyard High in Ledyard, Connecticut, was third, and he wrote to say, "I played against him when I was at UConn and he was at Boston University." (I personally remember the day he died. I was working at a camp in New Hampshire and we all read the story in the Boston papers. One of the guys at the camp, Russ Johnson, had been captain of the baseball team at Harvard and would go on to be a doctor, and I remember vividly his explaining to us what a pulmonary embolism was. Now, 45 years later, I am disappointed with myself at how long I went without taking the time to learn more about the great Harry Agganis.) For more about this great man, read "The Golden Greek": An All-American story, by Andy Dabilis - Hellenic College Press, Brookline, Massachusetts, 1998 (hcbks@omaccess.com)
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NOTE: One of you left a jacket draped over a chair in the front row at Saturday's clinic in Providence. I brought it home with me. Tell me where to send it and I'll be glad to do so. (It's a nice jacket.)

May 15 - "If you are not an effective teacher, then you are not going to be a good football coach." John Robinson


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Year by year, the major TV networks - ABC, CBS, NBC and, too a lesser extent, FOX - have seen seen their audience eroding, much of it lost to the proliferation of free and pay-per-view cable channels which consistently push the limits of taste and judgment. The result has been what Joe Flint in the Wall Street Journal has called the "Soprano-ization" of network television, as it tries to hod onto its audience by to matching the explicit language, sex and violence of such hot shows as HBO's "The Sopranos." The result is not always pretty. The Parents Television Council, in comparing the network television of 10 years ago with today, finds that "sexual and violent scenes and incidents of coarse language" have nearly tripled on the networks. Not only is much of the content no longer suitable for children, says the group, but, in many cases, it is "not even suitable for viewing by a broad public audience." You'd never know it, because the networks will never mention it, and they've paid enough money to buy the silence of the politicians (our "public servants"), but those air waves they are polluting - and the rights to broadcast over them - belong to the American public.
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A Mother's Day Tribute - One Day Late. "Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess - our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too. Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less. We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work! We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do. She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16. Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us were ever caught shoplifting or vandalizing other's property or arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. We never got drunk, took up smoking, stayed out all night, or a million other things other kids did. Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean moms anymore." Courtesy of Herb Persons, Kalamazoo, Michigan (I don't know where he got it.)
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At the Providence clinic this past Saturday, Coach Mike Emery stayed around for a little while afterward, and we chatted a little bit about his program and his philosophy. Believe me, the guy runs a heck of a program. In three years of running the Double-Wing, his teams at Fitch High in Groton, Connecticut have progressed from state class L (Large) semi-finalist the first year, to state finalist the second year, to state champion this past year. Do not think for one minute that Fitch was a down-and-out bedraggled program that was saved by the Double-Wing. Fitch would undoubtedly have been quite good had Coach Emery stayed with his Wing-T offense. But he has a sharp offensive mind and he saw some things he felt that the Double-Wing could do for him; and he had a knowledgeable offensive coordinator in Mike Campbell, who knows and believes in the Double-Wing, and whom he could trust to do all the play calling. And, of course he has had a lot of good kids to run it. The result has been a Double-Wing attack that set a state single-season scoring record of 695 points this past season. Trust me - Fitch is a sight to see. Even more than the 695-point state record, Coach Emery took special delight - even gloated in newspaper interviews, he admitted to me - in the fact that his quarterback, Raheem Carter, set a new league record for career touchdown passes, with 43 in three years. Coach Emery enjoyed reminding reporters that his quarterback, in a supposedly one-dimensional, grind-it-out running offense, had broken a record set by a passer playing in a wide-open, run-and-shoot attack. Fitch serves a socially-stratified area, ranging from kids living in million-dollar homes all the way to kids living in the projects, and with baseball and soccer the province of the wealthier kids and basketball tending to be dominated by the kids from the projects, Coach Emery takes pride in the fact that football more than any other sport manages to bring those kids from diverse backgrounds together. A major reason for this, he is certain, is a team-building ritual he calls the "Friendship Drill." Before every practice and every game, every Fitch player shakes hands with every other Fitch player, and says something positive - "nice to have you on the team," "good to be your teammate," "nice game Friday night" - to everyone he shakes hands with. It is compulsory. At first, Coach Emery says, it seems forced - corny, even. For many of these kids, it is the first time they have ever heard - or said - anything so "corny." But it isn't very long before it is sincere, and Coach Emery said it is interesting to watch the reactions of opponents as they go through their pre-game warmups and look up to see the Fitch players all shaking hands with each other.
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"You have the audacity to ask me, 'was it rougher in the 60's?' Give me a break." Brady Keys, great Steelers DB of the 1960's, talking about the way receivers are coddled by today's rules.

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A new sales tax has gone into effect in Australia and it has women up in arms. As always happens when new taxes are proposed in the United States, a certain amount of favoritism has come into play. And as always happens in the United States, the favorites seem to be those with the votes or with the money to buy votes. Hard to say, though, why any politician with an ounce of brains would do as the Australians did, and levy a tax on tampons - but not on shaving cream! Cried one female opponent of the tax, "I can't choose not to have a period - but a man can choose not to shave!"

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Long, long ago, it was common in America to toast the Father of our Country thusly: "Washington. First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen." Later, a sportswriter, poking fun of the incredibly bad Washinton Senators (once a major league baseball team, but only marginally so) by changing it to: "Washington. First in war, first in peace... and last in the American League. Now, we've got a new ending to it. "First in NFL ticket prices." The Washington Redskins - remember, this is our nation's capital, where supposedly they need our taxes - have raised their ticket prices to an average of just under $75 a ticket. (Mercifully, they have decided to hold the line on "cheap" seats, at $40 each.) The move puts the Redskins in first place in the NFL, way ahead of Tampa Bay at just under $65, and Jacksonville at $57.59. If you are a Redskins' season ticket holder and are thinking of telling 'Skins' management to stuff it, you might want to know there is a waiting list of 45,000 people ready to snap up your seats in a heartbeat. Where are those people who say the NFL has priced itself out of the market as family entertainment? I wonder if they realize that the Detroit Lions' games sell some seats (you might not want to be too particular about where you sit) for as little as $35.65 each. Why, a family of four could enjoy a game from high up in the Silverdome for just $142.60.

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Tomorrow - the quiz answer (two guys have already sent in the correct answer) and - a Massachusetts Double-Winger and its Super Bowl championship.

May 12 - "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon -------
Question (The Massachusetts guys will all get this. They'd better): I am having dinner in Providence tonight with Coach Matt Durgin, of Lynn (Mass.) Classical High. Lynn is the hometown of the "Golden Greek," one of the greatest athletes America has ever produced. Yet today, few people have ever heard of him. Who was he?
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Looks as if Dr. Tom Osborne, all-time great Nebraska coach, is still kicking serious butt. In his race for the Republican nomination for the U.S. Congress seat from Nebraska's 3rd Congressional District, polls conducted by the Omaha World-Herald show him leading his nearest rival, 72 per cent to 6 per cent among registered Republicans. Earning the Republican nomination ought to be enough to send him to Washington from the 3rd, a heavily-Republican district which has never sent a Democrat to Congress. But in the same worrywart fashion in which he'd have prepared his Cornhuskers for a date with San Jose State , Coach Osborne takes nothing for granted, putting in 14-hour work days. "That's the only way I know how to do things," he told USA Today. "A lot of times, we were 40- or 50-point favorites in football. But we prepared exactly the same as if we were underdogs. It's consistency of effort."
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Fire fighting can be a dangerous job. But among Portland firefighters, the fourth-leading cause of work-related injuries is - basketball. So Portland's fire chief, noting that in 1998 eight firefighters missed a total of 131 shifts to basketball injuries, has called a stop to firefighters' playing games of basketball while on duty. He supports a task force's recommendations that scoring be de-emphasized in any competitive games played, and that warm-up and stretching precede any physical activity. And that firefighters choosing to play basketball while on duty be required to sign waivers stating that they understand that competitive sports are "not part of the Fire Bureau's on-duty exercise program." Other forms of exercise will be encouraged. The problem, though, is that the firefighters like their basketball. Tom Chamberlain, president of the Portland Fire Fighters' Association, points out that even where workout equipment has been provided, firefighters still prefer to play basketball. "Basketball is one of the few sports we have where we can be available for duty," Chamberlain told the Portland Oregonian, since it is so easy to go from basketball shorts to firefighting gear. Besides, Chamberlain argues, the $100,000 cost of basketball injuries cited by the Bureau to justify its policy was incurred over a five-year period. "That's $20,000 a year," he said. "I dare you to find a health club or equipment for 700 employees at $20,000 a year." Chamberlain, pointing out that it would be fairer to compare the costs of basketball injuries with the injuries that are prevented by the role basketball plays in the firefighters' physical fitness. "I think the city is getting more than they are paying out," he said.
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I was asked about a good source on the 50 defense by a friend who will be coaching a youth all-star team which requires him to run that defense. This was my advice: The quickest way is to do a search on an old book (1973, J. B. Lippincott Company) called Sports Illustrated Football: Defense by Bud Wilkinson. It is still one of the best books I have ever seen on general defensive football, and it is all based on the 50 (so identified with Coach Wilkinson that it is often just called the Oklahoma or Okie defense). There are plenty of diagrams and illustrations. It is a paperback. I paid $1.95 for it new. If you are lucky enough to find a copy, I would be interested in knowing what you had to pay.

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Beverly Hills 90210 and its collection of spoiled, self-absorbed brats and their petty little problems ended its 10-year run on Wednesday night. It spawned a wide variety of imitators, and made a sizeable contribution to the overall degradation of our culture.
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I don't know what it is about Oregon kids, but here's another one. This one takes place in Lake Oswego, Oregon, the Beverly Hills of the Pacific Northwest (if you get my drift), where a high school track coach is "scolding" a member of the team. Behind the coach's back, a 15-year-old freshman teammate is mooning the kid being chewed out, in hopes of making him crack (whoops- bad choice of words) up. The coach finds out about it later, and reports the mooner, who is - listen to this - expelled from school for the rest of the year. The kid's mom thinks the punishment is too severe. I tend to agree. I think he should have his bare butt paddled. It's probably 10 years too late for that to do any good characterwise, but it sure would take care of the issue.Somehow I doubt that mom wouldn't agree with me on that. But the school sees something bigger here than just a kid mooning another kid. The school sees this as a sexual harassment issue - creating a hostile environment, don't you know? - and is making pompous statements about parents having "the right to have their student come to school and not be subject to that." In these PC times, cloaking it in terms of sexual harassment seems pretty much to give authorities a blank check in dealing with violators. Mom should be glad the kid wasn't drawn and quartered.
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When the Trail Blazers and the Jazz play on Sunday, Jazz play-by-play man Hot Rod Hundley won't be behind the mike. He'll be in Morgantown, West Virginia, getting his college diploma from the University of West Virginia - 43 years late. Realizing it's never too late to do the right thing, he took advantage of something the WVU Regents BA Program, which allows people with full-time jobs to earn their degree.

May 11 - "When you run out of guys that love to win, look for guys that hate to lose." H. Ross Perot
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Shaquille O'Neal fell one shy of winning every single vote as NBA MVP. The lone dissenting vote went to Philadelphia's Allen Iverson. Before you holler "Wha-a-a-a-t?" and demand a recount in order to make it unanimous, have you Iverson play? Put aside for the moment whatever you choose to believe about his past - or, for that matter, his present - life off the court. Watch the guy play. He defines aggressive play on the basketball floor. He goes end-to-end, motor always racing. He is not a particularly big guy, but he is fearless. He plays with heart. Why? One reason, as he told USA Today's David DuPree: "Playing football helped me get used to contact." Put that on your weight room wall. (Iverson was Virginia's Player of the Year as a high school quarterback.)
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Jenny Craig stock closed on the New York Stock Exchange at 1-1/2 Tuesday. That's a buck and a half a share, the lowest the stock has been in the last year. Think it could have anything to do with the Monica Lewinsky's well-publicized switch to Jenny Craig from the White House Diet? Or maybe the fact that she didn't lose weight? (At least when Karl Malone told us he was using Rogaine, he grew hair.)
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Overlooked amid all the Kentucky Derby hoopla about the huge field, the black jockey, the female trainer, and the first favorite t win in umpteen years was the fact that two of the horses wore - nasal strips. Not Breathe Rights. These were called Flairs, and they were worn by High Yield and Commendable, two horses trained by D. Wayne Lukas, who happens to be racing's leading trainer. A bit larger (4 inches by 6 inches) than the ones Jerry Rice wears, they are black rather than flesh-colored (whatever that means nowadays) and they cost $10 apiece. Not all trainers believe they will do for horses what Breathe Rights supposedly do for some human athletes. With a little sarcasm, competing trainer Bob Baffert told the Wall Street Journal's Steve Liesman, "It probably works better when the horse is doing well."
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Paul Allen, owner of the Portland Trail Blazers and Seattle Seahawks, is the wealthiest owner in professional sports. But he could lose that title, if his old business partner, Bill Gates, gets into the sports-ownership act. And if America's Cup yacht racing can be considered a "professional sport." If it isn't one now, it sure will be, if Mr. Gates' syndicate goes through with its plan to buy - you ready for this? - the championship New Zealand America's Cup team. According to the newspaper The Observer, the syndicate has offered 20 of the 30 Kiwi sailors a signing bonus of $60,000 apiece, plus $150,000 a year salaries, guaranteed for six years. Oh, yes. One more detail. So that they can technically be sailing for "us," and "representing their country," these turncoat tars would be promised US citizenship. (Probably under some obscure law that expedites the citizenship process if their skills are desperately needed here. Right. Our nation cries out for better yacht racers.) Think of the national pride this will generate! Think also of headaches we could have solved back during the Cold War years if it had just occured to somebody to buy the Soviet hockey team. Or the East German women's track team. Has anybody thought of offering citizenship to the European Ryder Cup team? Or the Kenyan long-distance runners? What about the Brazilian national soccer team? (Actually, Nike seems well on the way to doing that already.) A couple of problems with Mr. Gates' plan, as I see it: what if those New Zealanders prefer to remain New Zealanders? And what if his boat is so successful that the Justice Department says he has to cut it into into two pieces?
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A neighbor, knowing that I am a football coach, thought I might be interested in a Promise Keepers video she borrowed from her church. She was right. I certainly was. The video's premise was that throughout history, civilizations have come and gone, and ours is at a crossrads. One of the supporting statements that I challenge anyone to contradict (please submit proof) : "Things that were blatant, shocking sin yesterday, we don't even blink at today."
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"I learned one thing from Bill Hess. When he became our offensive line coordinator, he did so well that I turned almost everything over to him. If he came to me with a question, I very often would say, 'Bill, you know how to do it, so you go ahead.' That was the confidence I had in him. However, when he left to go to Ohio U. (as head coach), I was at a great disadvantage, because I had to go back and relearn many of the things I turned over to him. Since then, I have sometimes been thought of as a nosey coach, because never have I depended on one man." Woody Hayes, "You Win With People", 1973
May 10 - "I think that in coaching, you have to be man enough to look for mistakes and to recognize them." Chuck Fairbanks
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50 per cent of all registered soccer players in the US are female, according to a Nike executive at Sunday's game in Portland between the US and Canadian Women's World Cup teams. (No, I wasn't kidnapped and drugged and duct-taped to a chair and forced to watch the game. I heard the guy quoted on a local sports show.)
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In response for requests for an explanation of "counting" people when deploying your defense, see The Latest Tip
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"Now that the Nude Valevictorian story has made national news (Most stations ran it first or second today, behind the Rampart scandal here in LA), everyone is talking about it in SOCAL, including the local radio talk shows. My wife asked if I heard of the "news" of this girl. I said yes, "last week!". She asked how I heard about it since it only hit the press today in LA? I said I have a very good source of information in Coach Wyatt, the current events guru, who not only reports it but puts his own comments in, to boot! How many media reporters can do that and still keep their job? Coach JT" (John Torres, Los Angeles) Possible Motto: "Sometimes the News Before it is News"
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Uh-oh. Better scratch the "Good Family Man" defense. You might say the Ray Lewis defense team was dealt something of a blow recently. See, they had been intending to portray the Baltimore Ravens' linebacker as a solid family man who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when the post-Super Bowl nightclub murders took place in Atlanta, and besides, he hardly knew one of the other alleged murderers, so he couldn't possibly be involved now, could he? And then a certain videotape materialized, allegedly showing Mr. Lewis and the other alleged perpetrator (notice how careful I'm being?) whom, it was said, he hardly knew, allegedly enjoying each other's company and allegedly watching some other unnamed people allegedly (doggone! Now I can't break myself of the habit) engaging in various sex acts. Not being one to want to see an innocent man sent away, permit me to suggest to his defenders that it may be time to break out the "professional athlete defense," introduced into our culture as far as I can tell for the first time a few weeks ago (see April 27 "NEWS"): "he doesn't share the same sense of reality as the rest of us in this courtroom." Who could argue with that?
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"I think that a football coach who neglects to call the plays for his team is cheating them out of a winning edge... I think it is important that you do this. You know more about football than the quarterback does and besides, you are on a one-year contract and he is on a four-year scholarship." Jim Sweeney, coach - at the time - of Washington State and all-time winningest coach at Fresno State.
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A major study of the reputations of airlines among American consumers shows that Southwest, which offers no amenities, is way out in front. How can that be? True, Southwest offers consistently low fares. But Southwest serves nothing but peanuts, offers one-class seating with seats just as cramped as any other airline, and assigns no seats, requiring that people board - and choose their seats - in the order in which they arrive at the gate. (An hour before their flights, Southwest passengers can be seen queued up at their gates waiting to be assigned their boarding numbers.) And Southwest often serves "alternative" airports - Providence and Manchester rather than Boston, Midway rather than O'Hare, Houston Hobby rather than George Bush Intercontinental. But in the two biggest factors cited among the people surveyed, Southwest clobbered all the others. The two were quality and reliability of service - Southwest does take off on time and get you there on time - and the workplace environment. No contest there. While other major airlines' flight attendants seem to do everything in their power to undo all the good will their companies' advertising departments have just spent millions trying to create, Southwest's people act as if they actually want to be there. As if they enjoy flying. As if they're glad you're on board. As if it is a lot of fun working for Southwest. They dress casually but neatly, not like Russian grade school teachers, and they laugh a lot. When they go through the mandatory safety routine, showing the deep inner mysteries of the seat belt buckle to whoever could possibly not know how to buckle their seat belts by now (You want to say, "Hey! You in the aisle - enough already. THEIR SEAT BELTS ARE ALREADY FASTENED!"), they may even crack a joke or two. (I know, I know - Safety's no laughing matter.) They even seem to like their company's CEO, Herb Kelleher. I have actually heard Southwest employees talk about what a great guy he is. (I once spent an entire Portland-to-New York flight on TWA listening to a flight attendant rag on their then-CEO, Carl Icahn.) Southwest is truly a company with a mission, and its employees obviously feel a part of it. But as for the rest of the American airline industry... as far as I am concerned, and I fly a fair amount, you could take them all - Delta, American, United, Continental, Northwest, America West, TWA, US Air and Alaska - and, with the possible exception of Alaska (another generally friendly airline), sic Janet Reno's Justice Department hounds on them. Something about cruel and unusual punishment. Something about misrepresentation ("We love to fly and it shows"). They deserve the Microsoft torture. Ms. Reno says Microsoft has shafted consumers? Hey, Ms. Reno -at least if I buy Microsoft Office 98 Macintosh Edition for $419.95 - it will work! For years! It will do everything Microsoft says it will do! And Microsoft will be so grateful to have me as a customer than when a new edition comes out, they will show their gratitude by allowing me to upgrade - without making me pay the full price of the newer version! But let me spend $419.95 on an airline ticket on anybody but Southwest (wow - $419.95 on Southwest! That's like $39.95 worth of McDonald's food. $419.95 on Southwest would probably take you around the world a couple of times), and then sit cramped for several hours along with a hundred or so other similarly confined souls, and when I finally trudge out of that flying kennel my poor, weary keepers will be lazily chatting with the flight crew - if they haven't already fled the scene. Occasionally, perhaps because they heard a rumor that there might be an airline politeness inspector on board, handing out $100 billsto anyone caught smiling and saying "thank you," an airline employee will actually smile and say "thank you." I have had a few of them do it to me. I have even suspected one or two of them of being sincere, because they made eye contact and smiled. Listen - we're talking about dealing with people who have just spent hundreds of dollars with their company! Listen - if you ran a business selling something that cost hundreds of dollars, and your employees routinely stood at the door and ignored your customers as they walked out, you and your business would soon be toast. But the major airlines, protected from start-up competition by being allowed to monopolize (did you get that, Ms. Reno?) the landing "slots" at major airports (airports paid for, by the way, by taxpayers and the flying public; Microsoft, last I heard, pays for its own buildings) continue to stuff their planes to the gills with paying customers while showing all the warmth of the Department of Motor Vehicles. Viva Southwest!

May 9 - "I personally think that if we spent as much time with a young man in high school, junior college or college in a classroom teaching the formations, situations and the blocking schemes, as we do in the weight room, we would have a better football player." Darryl Rogers (San Jose State, Arizona State, Michigan State, Detroit Lions)
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Coach Keith Babb, of Northbrook, Illinois, was the lone coach to come up with the answer(s) to the latest question. Here they are: KF79, now a nearly-lost part of football lore, was once the most famous football play of all time, the key to one of college football's most stunning upsets. With it, Columbia, under famed coach Lou Little, managed to score the game's only touchdown and defeat Stanford, 7-0, in the 1934 Rose Bowl game. Run out of Columbia's unbalanced single wing, KF79 called for the ball to be snapped to the tailback, who then did a complete spin - handing to the fullback - while continuing his spin to fake a reverse to the wingback, who faked an inside counter to the left. Al Barabas, the fullback, hid the ball on his hip and continued outside, naked, going in untouched from 17 yards out for the winning touchdown. (For all you single wing fans, I have the diagram somewhere, and when I find it I will print it. Better yet, if you have it handy, be good enough to send it to me and I'll print it.)
Coach Babb added: "Coach Wyatt: Yesterday, I attended the ACEP coaches' certification course presented by Jim Righeimer, retired hall-of-fame football coach and referee. He told some great stories and his passion for football and helping our youth was palpable. I hope I have his enthusiasm when I reach 67. This clinic was attended by 32 coaches in our league. The league's rationale for presenting the clinic was to reduce the risk of catastrophic lawsuits should one of our players sustain a serious injury. Jim emphasized the importance of staying up to date on current techniques. I felt very confident that I was up to date thanks to your efforts. Your Safer, Surer Tackling tape is worth much more than you charge."
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Most losses, you expect to bounce back from. There are some, though, that can be so devastating in their effects that they can change the course of an entire season or series. Anyone who watched last Thursday night's epic hockey battle between the Flyers and the Penguins (I confess - I fell asleep after the fourth overtime) had to know that he was watching such a game: it was going to cost the loser more than just that one hockey game. And sure enough, that's the way things played out when the teams met again on Sunday. Having given it everything they had and finally lost in five overtimes on Thursday, Pittsburgh just didn't seem to have anything left for Sunday's game; on the other hand the Flyers, despite having played the same length of time Thursday night as the Penguins, seemed invigorated by their win, as they pounded the dispirited Penguins, 6-3.
------- "Hi Coach, Just reading your news about the TV series Survivor. When I first heard about the show and the concept of being stranded on an island with sixteen others my wife and I were intrigued by this. You see being from Canada, and the province of Alberta with mountains, lakes, streams and wild animals, many people like to go into the woods isolated from others on their own accord. We call this CAMPING!" Kyle Wagner, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
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Men after my own heart. Six of the nine head football coaches in the Mountain West Conference are 60 years old or older.
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Shorn of all the media hype that attended last year's Women's World Cup, America's darlings were at the mercy of the fickle American sports public this past weekend, and this time they didn't come off quite so well. A paltry crowd of 6,517 turned out on Friday night in Portland to watch them play Mexico in the semifinals of something called the Nike Women's Cup. Where was the passionate following that had been whipped to a frenzy by all the World Cup hype? (Shows what great appeal the women's game has for Mexican-Americans. Friday was Cinco de Mayo, a big day here - if not in Mexico - and had that been the Mexican men's team, it is safe to say old Civic Stadium would have been filled.) Sunday's final, against Canada, showed little improvement. Granted, the Trail Blazers were on TV against the Jazz, but this was supposed to be the team - and the sport - that captured the hearts of Americans everywhere. So on a picture-perfect spring day in the Pacific Northwest, they drew an announced crowd of 7,659. The two days' crowds combined wouldn't have half-filled the 30,000-seat stadium. Evidently, now that American have seen history made, they're ready to move on to the next media-generated event. Meanwhile, irrespective of the demonstrated fact that the sports public simply isn't breaking down doors to watch them play, America's darlings still draw paychecks that schoolteachers would die for (can you say $5,000 a month and $2,000 a game?).
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"That's what college basketball is all about. Hearing David Stern call your name. " So said Marcus Fizer, in announcing his decision to forego his senior season at Iowa State. Call me an idealist about some things, but I really want to think that college football amounts to a little more than that.

May 8 - "I do a lot of crazy things in coaching, but we practice it so much that a lot of times it works." Hayden Fry -------
I mentioned how smart basketball coaches were, setting up all these joke tournaments and calling them "classics." But truthfully, I think wrestling coaches may even have them beaten. They sometimes seem to schedule a different "classic" - a four-team tournament - every weekend. They always make me think of Dick Kastberg. Dick, the basketball coach at the first high school where I ever coached and taught, was one of the great influences on me as a coach and a teacher. I was 38 years old, a seasoned coach but a rookie teacher, and Dick was a tremendous help to me. He coached hard-nosed basketball, and he encouraged his basketball players to play football - provided he thought they'd be coached right - which was good, because if he hadn't, there wouldn't have been enough athletes for us to have a decent football team. Later, he and I wound up teaching and coaching together at another high school, where Dick was trying to get the basketball program kick-started, and the wrestling coach was heavily into the promotion of his sport to the exclusion of all others. It used to gall Dick that the wrestling team would go off to four-team "classics" every weekend and come back with another piece of junk hardware for the school's already-full trophy case. The wrestling team was good, and they won their share of those tournaments, but they also brought back an awful lot of trophies for finishing second, or third, or fourth. Regardless, they always made a big deal of adding another trophy to the trophy case, and announcing it to the whole school. I knew Dick had had his fill of it when I walked into the faculty room one morning after a basketball game the night before that I'd been unable to attend, and asked him how his team had done. He looked up from his sports page and said, "Took second."
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"I thought you might be interested to hear about my two sons. Our 1600 meter relay team - 4 football players - a senior (Chris Jones) a 10th grader,a 9th grader(Cory Jones) and an 8th grader finished 2nd in the State AAAA track meet tonight. They ran a 3:28.0 We finished our 1st week of spring practice today. We had a great week. We feel pretty good about our team. We play a jamboree here on May 19." Coach Steve Jones, Florence, Mississippi

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The University of Oregon's - and now the University of Michigan's - costly decisions to throw in with Nike's enemies reminded me of a brilliant move I made nearly 25 years ago, in my early days of high school coaching. I attended a clinic at which one of the speakers was a dietitian from the state university. She held us all spellbound, telling us how athletic performance was enhanced by a diet high in carbohydrates and vegetables and low in dairy products and red meats. She used charts and overheads and cited study after study to prove her point. I was so impressed that when I got home I wrote a letter to all my kids and their parents extolling the virtues of cutting down on dairy products and red meats. Good advice? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Good PR? More like career suicide. That part of Oregon was dairy country, and the dad of two of my better players - and a prominent booster - was the area's largest dairyman. How could I have been so stupid? I was thinking of this when I read an article about Al ("Alpha Male") Gore and his vaunted crusade to save the environment. See, he dearly loves the environment - as opposed to those of us who want to log all our forests and pollute all our streams - but he also needs to win in Michigan. To do that, he needs the support of the United Automobile Workers, one of America's stronger unions and a major force in Michigan politics. (Just in case you didn't know, they do make a few cars and trucks in Michigan.) But Mr. Gore, great friend of the environment, has proclaimed Public Enemy Number One of the environment to be - the internal combustion engine! Uh-oh. Last I heard, that was still pretty much the kind of engine that powered the cars that UAW members make in return for their paychecks. Not only that, but as the Wall Street Journal points out, UAW members, like many fellow Michiganders, like to "drive gas-hogging trucks out across dirt roads into the woods, where they use guns to shoot birds and deer. Even the Christian Right, which only wants not to have to hear people accepting Oscars on behalf of abortion, isn't this far off the PC charts."

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Huh? On a visit last Friday to a high school in Lansing, Michigan, The Alpha Male was asked by two representatives of the school newspaper what sports he played in high school. He told them, "Football, basketball, track and art."
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It is fundamental in setting up a defense to know how to count people (e-mail me if you don't know what I'm talking about). When doing so, you might consider this little pearl of wisdom I came across in some long-ago clinic notes. Coach George Welsh, leaving Navy to take over at Virginia, said, "We want to defend the open end of the field first. If a team is on the hash mark, we want to defend the open 2/3 of the field. Most of the long runs come to the open end of the field. The sideline counts as half a man."
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The upcoming CBS series "Survivor" will consist of 13 consecutive weekly shows starting May 31, detailing the stresses of 16 people supposedly "stranded" on a tropical island - near Borneo, in Indonesia - and left to deal with the basics of survival. Right. Stranded. With a camera crew in their faces the whole time. Wonder where the camera crew spends the night. Anyhow, one of the participants returned home to discover that in his absence his nine-year-old son had put on what dad thought was too much weight. Dad's solution was to start getting the kid up at 4:30 in the morning to exercise. There has to be more to it than that, because dad was arrested last week in Rhode Island and charged with child abuse. I didn't read whether they had to break his door down and go in with assault weapons.
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"We feel that we can create an environment where the tailback can flourish. The first thing he must be able to do is hang onto the ball. The second thing he must be able to do is take it, as he must be a tough player. Running the ball as a tailback means you are attacking. I am not sure I am tough enough to be a tailback. It is about like me looking out there at all of you and saying, 'I see a big hole out there in front of me and I am going to run down the middle of you guys and you can't stop me.' But the ball carrier has other ides, He is thinking, 'I will beat the hell out of these guys because I am going out that side door. They will never catch me.' We switch those backs to wide receivers. The back that says, 'You guys are not fast enough to catch me and I am going to run straight down the middle of you' - that is the type of back that we want playing tailback." John Robinson, USC
Pass this along as a warning to any coach you know who roams the web at night, placing blind faith in the advice of guys who write in to various "bulletin boards" under assumed names. One of the toughest things an inexperienced coach has to learn is how to separate the really wise coaches from the charlatans. And judging from the bulletin boards I have checked, the woods are far too full of the latter. . As an example of the sort of misinformation unqualified people are all too willing to supply, I submit, word-for-word (interspersed with my comments in parentheses), this advice, lifted word-for-word from an unnamed site, to someone asking how to defense the Double-Wing: "I have faced the double wing for the past 4 years and can offer the following. Don't try to read this offense. By the time you find the ball it will be headed upfield. Attack this offense at the gaps. (If you can find any.) Set up in a 4-4 and attack the B gaps with your tackles (Sounds like an awfully soft middle with all that space between down linemen. Aren't you gonna get tired of wedges? I know we ain't.). Widen your defensive ends (You don't say how wide) and send them at the coming wing back (Uh, our wingbacks ain't coming at your ends). Have your inside linebackers cover the A gaps (How they gonna do that full time and help outside, too?) and have your outside linebackers stay home and contain.(Huh?) This offense loves the trap and especially the counter trap. (This offense also loves defenses like this one, which you're trying to sell to some poor, unsuspecting guy who thinks he can trust your advice.) Mix up your alignment and gap responsibility. You want to stop the play behind the line by getting penetration (Coach, do you realize how hard it is to penetrate a line with no splits? Let me illustrate: we ran 88 Super Power 102 times in 9 games last year; of those 102 plays, we were tackled behind the line for losses exactly twice, for three yards each - and one of those two came in the fourth-quarter mop-up of a 66-7 game when an inexperienced back tried to bounce outside. This is a fairly typical experience for a Double-Wing team). Good Luck." (Wishing him good luck was the least you could do, because if he takes your advice, he's going to need a lot of luck. If I were King, the first 10 guys who e-mailed me would get you - or him - on their schedule next year, with a promise that you'd play this defense against them.)

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Evidently going to see "Erin Brockovitch" has something to do with the trend, but women with no apparent other influences on their lives than a movie are said to be working on their best imitations of Erin Brockovitch or (good luck) Julia Roberts, complete with coarse language and tacky dress. I no sooner got finished joking about female teachers wearing hot pants and halter tops with spaghetti straps, the better to "identify" with their "customers," the students, than I came across this, in USA Today: a 43-year-old Manhattan high school English teacher told the paper, "I am an avid wearer of spandex pants, clingy dresses, fishnet stockings, tight sweaters and plunging necklines." Wow. How professional. Standing up in front of high school kids. (Maybe on a table?) And we wonder why so many taxpayers look suspiciously at what's going on in our schools. I personally wonder whether a man who pays notice to such clearly exhibitionistic attire can still get slapped with a sexual harassment charge.
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According to my son in Australia, "the 'Logies' Awards (Australia's version of the Emmys...best of TV) were held the other night. The host was a Sydney guy named Andrew Denton, who is incredibly witty. In his introduction he says...'There's the Murdoch cancer scare. Some poor cancer has Rupert Murdoch. We can only hope for a cure.'"
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Q: What, in your opinion, should high school coaches be emphasizing more? A. "First, let me say that there are many great high school coaches out there. But in general, they should be emphasizing those little things that are so important to winning, and they should make sure this emphasis doesn't stop on the basketball court; it should affect the players' overall growth. Coaches must keep things in perspective. They should create an environment in which basketball doesn't affect their kids' studies, or make the game more important than it actually is." Mike Krzyzewski, in Scholastic Coach, October 1985 (Hope Coach K would still give that same answer today.)
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Home-schooling anyone? Another reason to think about home-schooling your kids - or coming up with the tuition for private school... Remember some time ago when I wrote about the three kids in our area who mercilessly hacked to death the father of one of them while he sat working at his computer? Remember my telling about a fourth kid who was in on the scheme but couldn't actually take part - because he had a curfew, and he didn't want to get in trouble for staying out late on a school night? He missed out on the actual murder, but he did remain devoted enough to his little pals to return to the scene with them and help with the cleanup. Now, with the prosecutors putting on the pressure, he has agreed to testify against the others, in exchange for a lighter sentence. Lighter? Did I say lighter? Hey, it would have been harder on him if he'd missed curfew! He "may", we are told, receive a "possible" jail term of 12 to 18 months; but actually, he is expected to return to school next fall "under a program similar to work release!" He'll be a junior. No one is sure yet which school he'll attend next fall. Maybe it'll be your kid's. Tell your high-school-age daughter to, uh, be a little careful about talking to that new kid sitting next to her in history class...And if she brings a strange kid home after school - move away from your computer.

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When Lee Corso was football coach at Indiana, he told Bobby Knight that basketball coaches had to be smarter than football coaches. Only a basketball coach, he told Knight, could get away with inviting three teams he could beat the crap out of to a tournament and calling it a classic.
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John Rocker stood on the mound in Dodger Stadium Monday night and watched as some doofus ran out of the stands, stopped between first and second, bent over and dropped his drawers - then mooned him. When I heard of the incident, I immediately thought of Mike Curtis. Curtis, a Pro-Bowl middle linebacker for the Colts (the real Colts - the ones from Baltimore) from 1965 to 1976, was not someone to fool around with on the field. He was one tough hombre who took his football seriously. One Sunday in Baltimore (home of the Colts), as the opponents huddled and the Colts' defense waited on their side of the line, an idiot came running out of the stands, grabbed the football as it lay there, and raced for...oops. Not so fast. Curtis had seen the guy coming, timed it perfectly, and hit him as only a professional middle linebacker could, dropping the guy in his tracks. What a shame that was before the days of DiamondVision screens and instant replay at the stadium, because it happened so quickly, and during a lull in the game when spectators were unprepared for action, that for most people in Memorial Stadium it was a question of turning around and asking, "what happened?" But it made all the highlights that night. And for nights afterward. It was beautiful. It seemed as if the only person who didn't appreciate it was the guy himself. (Nowadays, of course, he'd have been joined by the "violence doesn't prove anything" crowd. And by the ACLU, which would have claimed that Curtis deprived the schmuck of his due process.) When Curtis was asked afterward why he reacted the way he did, he answered with a question, asking the reporter something like, "If a guy broke into your office and stole a typewriter, what would you do?" Which got me back to John Rocker, and the remarkable restraint he showed Monday night. Somehow, I think I'd almost rather get hit by a pro middle linebacker than take a John Rocker fastball in the rear end.
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Humorist Dave Barry writes, "Simple, slapstick humor, such as the Three Stooges, appeals to the following two groups of people: (1) People with brain damage. (2) Men. (At this point, the women readers are thinking, 'That's only one group!")"

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In case you care about these things. Keep a close eye on the TV ratings for the NBA playoffs.This year's regular-season NBA ratings on NBC were down 21 per cent from last year, which was the lowest year up to that point. Not that competing network ABC isn't also feeling a little pain over its Monday Night Football ratings, which this past year hit a new low. And firing Boomer Esiason isn't going to be the answer. (If you can say "Dittohead", you may have come up with one possible way of getting more people to tune in.) Major league baseball hit a new ratings low with last seasons's regular-season games. US News and World Report's Dan McGraw says there are some factors at work here that may signal a permanent change in the way sports are watched and what sports are watched. And why. First of all, the core audience that built the big ratings in the first place is growing older. And guys, as we grow older, we don't watch as much TV. And the kids who are supposed to replace us are so into video games and the Internet that they rarely watch games in their entirety, preferring instead to cut right to the chase and watch the highlights on ESPN. Ot the web. Younger kids are being successfully lured away by what they perceive to be less commercialized sports, such as snowboarding and X-Games. (None of which, in keeping with a generation largely preoccupied with self, remotely resembles a team sport.) An even scarier factor is that kids just plain don't play sports to the extent their parents did, let alone their grandparents. For example, it is estimated that between 1987 and 1998, the number of kids playing baseball dropped by more than 18 per cent. According to the Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association, "half of all young people (those aged 12 to 21) do not participate in vigorous physical activity on a regular basis at all." A final factor is one of the sports' own doing: the high prices of tickets - and parking, and souvenirs, and food, etc., etc. Allowing for inflation, the cost of taking a family of four to an NBA game is up 50 per cent from 1991. According to Rick Burton of the Warsaw Sports Marketing Center of the University of Oregon, "If a child doesn't grow up playing the games and can't watch the game in person, there is a great leap of faith to suggest he will be a great TV sports fan."
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He said it, I didn't. Portland, Oregon is a lovely city, but there is a certain smugness about many Portlanders that can often be hard to take. Portland author Larry Colton dsplayed some of this civic conceit recently in writing about Portland's vain - and I would say, unnecessary - search for major-league status. "There are those who still seem to think we will never be a big-league city until we have a big-league baseball team," he wrote. "These people look to Seattle to the north and San Francisco to the south and start getting all blubbery with an inferiority complex. Somehow, the thinking goes, we're minor league, maybe even bush league, because our city isn't listed in the league standings. Hey, Detroit has a team in every big-league sport, but who wants to move there? Houston has a big-league baseball team, and the place is a sump." (That supercilious attitude is just one of the reasons I prefer to live in Washington, and not across the river in Portland. They look down their noses at Washington, too. But my apologies to friends in the Detroit and Houston areas, anyhow.)
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The Portland Police Bureau ("Serve and Protect") has a new chief, fresh from the LAPD, and he's expressed a desire to make his officers look a little more professional, including a ban on beards, excessive jewelry, and hair growing past the collar. He is running into resistance. The Portland Oregonian has already taken issue with him. What about "community policing?" it asks. The idea behind that, it would have us believe, is "a partnership between citizens and their police." Making the police look more militaristic, says the ultra-liberal Oregonian, "would move us backward, to the 'us' and 'them' image of policing." According to the newspaper, "the real test is friendliness and identification with the customer." Did you get that? "Identification?" With the "customer?" Who, exactly, are these "customers," anyway, that we're so afraid that a professional-looking police force wouldn't "identify" with them? Should we maybe just cut right to the chase and dress the police in orange coveralls? Extending this same reasoning, I suppose male high school teachers should be wearing cockeyed caps and saggin', and female teachers should be wearing hot pants and halter tops with spaghetti straps - and baring their tattooed navels. That way, they'd "identify" with their "customers."
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Some more wisdom from Bill McCartney: "If a team has some success throwing the ball it does not demoralize the defense. But when they are hitting at the gut of the defense it will demoralize them if you can't stop them." (Consider how a successful Double-Wing attack can affect a defense's morale.)
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Only 278 more days until Football Armageddon. The XFL will officially kick off its act next February 3. More to come on this exciting event.
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Last fall, a woman named Betty Jean Wolfe proposed testing a federally-funded sex education program in Philadelphia public schools. She was refused. The reason? It didn't meet the school board's "guidelines" (read, requirements) that any sex-ed curriculum must include instructions on contraceptive use. There's the problem. The program she proposed is based on the antique proposition that kids should abstain from sex until after marriage. Not only does the federal law which set up the program forbid her from talking about contraception, but she - unlike the members of the school board, apparently - sees an unproductive conflict between teaching abstinence followed by demonstrating how to use a condom. But it gets worse. The 14-member Human Sexuality and AIDS Material Review Committee (talk about diversity - it's made up entirely of women) which must pass on all sex-ed materials, had a few more objections. Listen to this: one member was concerned that gay and lesbian students would be offended, since they can't get married and therefore might interpret the message as meaning they couldn't ever engage in sex.(So?) Another was concerned - I am not making this up - about the self-esteem of kids who were already "sexually active," as they like to put it. Wouldn't want to make them feel bad about themselves, now, would we?. And then, of course, there were worries about hurting the feelings of children from single-parent families, even though they probably could stand to hear a thing or two about marriage, which a former domestic policy advisor to President Clinton has called "one of the best antipoverty programs ever invented."

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I'm tellin' ya, these soccer guys are trying to steal our name. The new Portland entry in the Pacific Coast Soccer League (talk about thrills - minor league soccer!) will be officially known as the Portland Rain Football Club. Football! Not even futbol! Of course, if sports fans don't learn otherwise, a few of them may actually pay their way in, thinking they're going to see a real football game.

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Jack Reed, author of several books on football, called from California to tell me how successful his first one-man clinic this past weekend - in New Jersey - had been. I have to admit I take some pride in his telling me that my example provided some of his inspiration to take his message out to the coaches. I detect a few more coaches beginning to do this same thing, and I applaud them. I think to a great extent we are filling a need that has come about because the large, corporate clinic promoters, with all their emphasis on big name clinicians, have been disserving the coaches at the grasssroots. Yes, it is exciting, when you're a first- or second-year coach, to sit in a room with 600 other coaches while Steve Spurrier tells you what Florida does offensively (with talent and assistants that most of us can only dream of having), and it is always great to see people you only get to see once a year or so, but let's face it - after you've been in it a while, you have to put in a lot of seat time and do a lot of picking and choosing and gleaning over a couple of days of presentations to find something specifically useful to your program. I had to laugh at Jack's observation about the reason why so many youth coaches play the defenses they do. Their goal is not to stop the opponent, Jack says. "Their goal is to stop the fathers in the stands from criticizing them." -------
The University of Oregon - at least its athletic department - is still reeling from the recent news that its largest donor has withdrawn his support. Listen to Ken Goe, of the Portland Oregonian: "Lost in the nasty, public tug-of-war between Nike co-founder Phil Knight and the left-leaning Worker Rights Consortium is a chance to be a major player in big-time college athletics that was, as recently as 2-1/2 weeks ago, virtually within Oregon's grasp." Thanks to Mr. Knight, writes Goe, Oregon has, with the exception of an undersized (41,000+) stadium, "the best football facilities in the Pac-10." With Mr. Knight as the driving force, Oregon planned on a place at the top. Goe quotes one Oregon booster who recalls Knight standing up in a conference room in the fall of 1998 and telling the group that football was "the closest thing Oregon had to a national athletic power," and, he went on, "The people in that room were going to make it happen, starting with the expansion of Autzen Stadium." Now, it appears that all may be lost for the Ducks, as other large donors, upset with the UO president's caving in to the protestors and anarchists for which Eugene is notorious, and sympathetic to Mr. Knight, have threatened to withhold donations, several in the $1 million range. While most universities would die to have such benefactors as Phil Knight, Oregon already had one, yet chose to throw in with an organization that plans on using his company as its whipping boy - and now wonders what he's so upset about. Just to give you an idea of Mr. Knight's involvement in Oregon athletics, Goe writes: "the football uniforms UO players wore last season were custom designed for the school by Nike and made with high-tech fabrics. The color scheme and design were carefully researched and chosen to appeal to young male athletes (that explains it. I don't care much for their tastes in music, either), then used as a recruiting tool... It was understood that when the time came to replace McArthur Court, Oregon's aging basketball arena, Nike would ante up... Knight's fingerprints are all over Oregon's rising men's basketball program and a women's basketball program that has established itself as a perennial Pac-10 contender... Perhaps as valuable as the money was the image of power and success his association lent to the program. Oregon football and basketball coaches swooped in for recruiting visits on Knight's private jet. Knight arrived at UO games in a helicopter, then stood - highly visible, Sports Illustrated's designated most powerful individual in sports - on the Ducks' sideline... Nike cut Oregon the same kind of athletic apparel and equipment deals that the company signed with other, more established, more successful, more frequently-televised powers, such as Michigan and North Carolina..." That's not al Oregon could lose. Oregon football coach Mike Bellotti has had chances to go elsewhere, but he has chosen to stay in Eugene. According to Goe, he is "personally close" to Mr. Knight, and a "significant portion" of his pay comes, in one way or another, from Nike. Athletic Director Bill Moos has been said for months to be the number one man to fill the job at Washington State, his alma mater. Frustration at seeing what once seemed doable turn into Mission: Impossible could propel him to move on. How did it all come to his? Because a businessman who is almost as generous as he has been successful, who has, in Ken Goe's words, "a soft spot in his heart for his alma mater," feels betrayed. He feels betrayed because a university president couldn't get off his ass and at least make a phone call to his largest donor (who has also donated tens of millions to the law school and the library) to let him know what he was about to do. The same university president who only last year accepted the generous offer of a free cross-country flight back to Eugene in a university donor's private jet after suffering serious health problems in Washington, D.C. (Although the cost of a cross-country charter is estimated at $25,000 or so - far in excess of the limit on gifts to university officials - the president skated right past any ethics charges.)
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A public service message on behalf of the Centers for Disease Control: Fight gonorrhea. Order Heineken.
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Question: I had a comment regarding my trivia questions from a good friend of mine whose opinion I value. He wants them to be "more recent." I told you I value his opinion, but I am free to disagree with it. I happen to be a historian by education, but unlike a lot of today's "historians" I am also a product of the old school in which the people who made us what we are today are held in high esteem. And since I also happen to be a football coach, that reverence in my case extends to the players, coaches and teams that have made our great game what it is. If you hadn't noticed, a lot of my effort on this site goes to try to inspire in others a respect for - and a desire to learn more about - our game's history. So, no - I won't be asking you any time soon who plays in Mile High Stadium. But I might ask you someday who played in Yellow Jacket Stadium. You may have to do a little bit of digging. Stop whining. It will do you good. Now, then: Here's your clue: KF79 - Now the Questions: What game? What team? What coach? (Clue #2 - KF79 is not a drug.)
May 2 - "If we win tonight, we will walk together forever." Coach Fred Shero, addressing the Philadelphia Flyers before they took the ice on the night they won the Stanley Cup, 1974.
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Coach Dan Johnson, of Wichita, Kansas is the host coach of this summer's Single Wing Symposium. He also is a colorful writer, as evidenced by his most recent mailer about the Symposium. Single Wingers ask him if he is concerned about these Symposia (there's my Latin showing) leading to the point where there are so many people running the Single Wing that they'll have to face it themselves. Like a man from my own heart, he writes, "Personally, I am not too worried about too many coaches running the Single Wing, because I think you must possess a big set of ba--s to do so. You must be fully committed as we all know. You can't be afraid to fail or most likely you will. Let's face it, most coaches are not going to step out of their comfort zone to run this offense." He has definite thoughts on anyone who might come to the Symposium to learn how to defend against the Single Wing: "I don't want ANYONE to learn how to defend the Single Wing. It's just like WAR - spies should be taken out and shot!" Asked who decided what Sinle Wing coaches would be interviewed for an NFL Films-ESPN special, he writes, "Those NFL guys did. Like hair on the barber shop floor, your tape was swept off the editing room floor." The Single Wing Symposium will be held Thursday, July 13 through Saturday, July 15 at William Jewell College in Liberty, Missouri (Kansas City area). For more information, contact Dan Johnson (H) 316-684-8851 (W) 316-973-2735

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Your tax dollars at work. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that cheap beer is a leading factor in the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. I am not kidding. Maybe the idea is that the cheaper the beer is, the more of it certain people will drink, and the more of it they drink the more likely they will be to engage in, uh, irresponsible physical contact with someone else who's also been drinking a lot of cheap beer. The proof? Looking at data from states with increased beer taxes, the Centers claim to have discovered that a 20-cent increase in the tax on a six-pack will result in a 9 percent reduction in gonorrhea cases. Joe Soucheray, writing in the St. Paul Pioneer Press, writes, "The center also arrived at the stunning conclusion that beer prices affect men more than women. Gee, stop the presses."
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Hi Coach Wyatt. Just thought I would pass on the correct spelling of Coach Fry's name. (I spelled it Frye. I will not do so again.) As a loyal Hawk fan, and 14 year h.s. coach in Iowa, I certainly would like pass on how much all of the fans and coaches in our state have appreciated what he, and his staff have done for football in our state over the years. They were a great resource for all of us. The new staff at Iowa are also great people, and Iowa State's staff seems very helpful as well. Bob Elliott is back coaching with the Cyclones, and looks great after his illness. Thanks. Tom Compton - (Thanks, Coach, for the correction.)
------- To what does Flip Saunders, Minnesota Timberwolves coach, attribute his team's success? "Kevin Garnett is a good reason. And we've also put ourselves in a situation of realizing from the top down one of the most important things is character. That you don't just win with talent, but you also have to have character."
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Legendary coach Bernie Bierman may be best known for coaching back-to-back national champions at Minnesota in 1940 and 1941, but he is also considered to be the father of the Single Wing's buck lateral series. "I found some mimeographed material," he told Edwin Pope in 1955 ("Football's Greatest Coaches"), "titled 'Prospective Offense' for 1921 (when I was at Montana) in which I had diagrammed the basic plays from the buck lateral - fullback keep on trap play, fullback handoff to blocking back with the latter going off tackle, fullback handing off to blocking back, and blocking back pitchout to the tailback, who goes wide. I started using it extensively at Mississippi State in 1925 and 1926. I stayed with it at Tulane and Minnesota. We had plays from it that hit in all holes, where the final carry could be made by any back, or by the ends on ends-around. We also used the jump pass by the fullback after the faked a handoff to the blocking back, and running passes by the tailback after he took a pitchout. And we worked on the blocking back dropping back and passing after he received a handoff from the fullback. I don't know exactly where I got the idea, except that I was looking for a play that had a good fake buck and ended up hitting different spots. I had never seen nor heard of a similar series prior to my using it, but like so many things in football, it may have been used somewhere, sometime, without my knowledge." (The buck lateral series, the basics of which is shown below, made possible the transition from Single Wing to what is now the Delaware Wing-T, and is at the heart of much of what we do in the Double-Wing.)

Fullback Keep (Buck) Blocking Back Off-Tackle Pitchout to Tailback Wingback Counter

May 1 - "Field goals frustrate me, to be honest. You get tired of the damn things unless you're the guy kicking them. When you get beat by some kid kicking four field goals you say, 'Come on. What the heck kind of way is that to lose a game?'" Bo Schembechler
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"Coach Wyatt: My name is Bill Jones and I just took the head coaching job at Lorain Admiral King high school in Lorain, Ohio. I have been coaching for 35 years and have been the head coach at 6 different high schools in my career. Three years ago I told my staff that I was tired of going to clinic after clinic and listening to defensive coaches talk about their tight end side defense and their split end side look and how they are able to outnumber the offense on both the strong and the weak side. I told our coaches that football had come to the point that maybe we should be running from a two tight end look with double wings and then motion into trips and even line up in trips but always keep one wing in his normal wing position. We began to work on this idea and at that time I saw one of your brochures on your videos and your playbook. I ordered these and we have implemented many of the concepts which you explain so well in your material. Two years ago we started using the Double Wing full time at a school which had lost 28 straight games and had not won a league game in over three seasons. In the first season we went 2-8 and we had good offensive stats against all of our competition and last year went 6-4 and lost two very close ball games and this was with a team of mainly juniors and sophomores. This was their best season in over 15 years and also they are the smallest school in the league. I have taken the new job as I pointed out at the beginning of this note and Admiral King is a large division 1 school in a very good league. We are going to stick with the Double Wing system as I believe it is the most flexible system and the simplest system for our players to learn that we have ever used and the players love it. I do however believe that not only is this the best ball control system you could run but the passing offense has unlimited potential with the 4 quick receivers and the trips package. We have been able to throw even more effectively and have been able to maintain a 70 percent run to a 30 percent pass offense. Please keep the Double Wing info coming and I hope a lot more coaches will begin to share ideas and questions in the future. Thank-you: Coach Bill Jones"

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Saturday's Denver clinic was made possible through the generosity of Coach Scott Barnes, a youth coach who lives in Parker, Colorado - for now. When a last-minute snag sent me scurring for a place to hold the clinic, he offered the meeting facilities of his company, Perot Systems, Inc. (The same H. Ross Perot.) The facilities were top-rate, easily the most comfortable of any place I've held a clinic. Scratch it for next year, though - Coach Barnes has just been named Vice-President of Recruiting, requiring a move back to his native Dallas, where he will report directly to The Man. It isn't going to be easy moving from Colorado and the 38-acre ranch where he and his wife, Joan had planned on building their dream house, but Texas offers the lure of family - and Texas high school football.
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Not that you are overpaid or anything, but if you're a teacher, I would hope that you have been able to peddle your skills, your experience and your education for something in excess of $8.50 an hour. But suppose I were to tell you that someone who will work for $8.50 an hour might be be making decisions that could affect your pay? Maybe even your job security? That thought occured to me when I came across this classified ad in the Durham, North Carolina Herald-Sun:
"SCORER: COLLEGE DEGREE? We need you to score student test items," went the headline.
I read on - blah, blah, blah - the upshot of it was that they were looking for people to grade students' papers - maybe some of them your students, maybe to determine whether you and your school are getting the job done. (And, presumably, whether you are worth giving a merit raise to, or even keeping around.) They required a bachelor's degree. They were offering $8.50 an hour. This sweatshop grading of student papers is one of the dirty little secrets that we uncovered back when Washington (state) first proposed statewide testing of students. We agreed with the state Pooh Bahs that the ability to write clearly and effectively ought to be one of the educational outcomes for our state's students. Who could disagree with that? But who, we asked, would grade all their essays - and all their "explain how you got your answer" math papers? (If you've ever taught writing, that's the first thought that comes to mind - you know what that can do to your weekends.) The answer we were given: not teachers. Well then, we wanted to know, who would judge our kids' work (and, by extension, our teaching)? Continuing to pry, we found that in the interest of cost-effectiveness, the papers would be shipped out of state - to someplace where teachers are poorly paid to begin with, and there's a large number of people with college degrees who will work part-time for considerably less than Washington teachers. Now, since Washington only ranks in the middle of the states in average teacher salary, that pretty much narrows down where we'll be sending these papers, doesn't it? (Can you say y'all?) Can you hear the "giant sucking sound," as Ross Perot described the sound of jobs being sucked out of your area? Hey, while we're at it, why stop there? Why not go for really big savings? Why not just teach some people in some third world country enough English, familiarize them with the "rubric" (the grading formula) and ship - or transmit - the papers there for them to grade? In fact, we could send (or transmit) the papers to India, where there are millions of educated people who already speak English! In any case, if you were under the mistaken impression that your students' writing - and your teaching - was going to be evaluated by a panel of gray-bearded, tweed-coated professors sitting around a table inside a gray stone building with ivy creeping up the walls, you had better think again. It is far more likely to be judged by someone who was looking through the classifieds for a temporary job ("Day shift: 8:15 am-4:00 pm; Evening shift, 5:00 pm- 10:15 pm", read the ad) when they found this one. Nothing against those folks. They're entitled to sell their skills for whatever they can. But lemme tell you - they're going to be under a lot of pressure: no doubt they'll be evaluated on the basis of their productivity -the sheer volume of papers they can churn out. So this is what we've come to. This is what the politicians have been selling to the taxpayers as "accountability." Hey, we all want accountability. I say we start with the politicians and the educational bureaucrats. And start 'em at $8.50 an hour.
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Wyoming's public schools lost 2,500 students in the last year, thanks to a triple whammy: an aging population, young families forced to move elsewhere for jobs, and few new people moving in.
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"When I was at Kentucky, the only time we beat Tennessee, we had just three running plays and two passes." Bear Bryant

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Answer to Friday's question: In 1919, Mr. J. Emmett Clair and his brother, who ran the Acme Packing Company, a Green Bay, Wisconsin meat-packing firm, agreed to sponsor a local football team in return for "naming rights." (Shows how far ahead of their time they were.) The sponsorship lasted only two years, but the name stuck. Only one coach got the answer: Coach Bruce Eien, of Los Angeles, who confessed, "I cheated. I researched it on the Internet." (Hey Coach Eien - since when is research "cheating?")

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Fullback Keep (Buck)	Blocking Back Off-Tackle	Pitchout to Tailback	Wingback Counter